Warning: You cannot respond to this blog in less than 15 minutes. Manage your time wisely, sunshinefaces.
We've been together for...what? Approximately 9 weeks or so, right? So, I think we have reached that point where we can really start to do some introspective reflection. So, although I cannot make you do this, I would like you to minimize all distractions while you think about this blog. Exercise your right to have "You" time, put away your iPods, cell phones and Wii remotes and for the sake of all that's holy--close Facebook!
Every day, you wake up, go through your morning rituals, come to school, do your thing(s), go home, go through your evening rituals and then go to bed.
There are obviously some variations to this routine from time to time, and I am not trying to downplay your life in any way by making it sound mundane; that is not the idea here. What I am saying is, that through all of this, these daily activities, rituals and routines people interact with you.
They talk to you, refer to you, question you, yell at you, soothe you, talk about you, defer to you or, in some cases, though hopefully not many, ignore you completely. The point is, they KNOW who you are, at least enough to do one or more of the previous things.
But, when you stop to think about it, do they really know? And, more importantly, do YOU?
Beyond names, job titles or academic accomplishments, beyond labels given by yourself or by others, beyond traits and hobbies and virtues... who are you? Who are you inside? If you had to write your name, and then your definition, what would it say?
Cole Smith – Certified Mafia
ReplyDeleteSigh. If only. Well, here we go. The music is playing in the background, and I’m not turning it off. I love my music, and I take it seriously. And people know that about me. Some people do, anyways. Probably the ones who I’m pretty friendly with. And all of my closer friends know I hate old people. And everyone here knows it too. Occasional Paper 3 also has a possible topic now. I’m killing two Lang assignments with one stone here. Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I’d say some people know me. I’ve never seen myself as hugely outgoing, but apparently I am more outgoing than a few years ago, which is an improvement. But not everyone is going to know the essential Cole Smith. I prefer it that way. I’m not some appetizer dish to be passed around the table, but a delicious filet mignon to be savored by a select few. So don’t go around buying the filet you guys. I won’t be special anymore.
I’m not sure if I know who I am. It’s been something I’ve neither considered, nor cared about. Probably because I think I know myself. I know what music I like. I know I hate old people. I’m fairly certain I’m not insane. And I have a good idea of all my mannerisms, opinions, friends, favorite whatevers, and the like. But do I know myself because of these things? Yeah. I do. On the inside, if I strip away the titles, the academic accomplishments, traits, hobbies, and virtues, I’m just a blank canvas, shaped in a kind of unique way, meaning that I have the hobbies, traits, and virtues I have because of the shape of the canvas. I have a good idea what that canvas is shaped like, but I can’t explain every specific detail. I’d be here all year. I would be discussing the different atoms in each piece of wood pulp that happened to make up this canvas. I’d be explaining every different angle and slope at every different curve in the graph, because there’re too many reasons for why I love and hate certain things and people. I could write novels about why I enjoy a certain song, or why I despise the keyboard on my phone. Are you picking up what I’m laying down now? I hope so. I’m not laying it down anymore. I am comfortable in who I am, and why I am.
Do I need a definition? Maybe I’ll stick with Certified Mafia. That sounds so cool. Or maybe Cole Smith – Cole Smith. Because I’m so unique and can’t be defined in words and blah blah blah. Screw that. I just can’t find the words easily. (10 minutes later) Okay. I found them. They’re the best words ever. And they’ve been sitting in front of me the whole time. Okay. Here I go.
Cole Smith – He is what he does
Alright, I'm going for the blog early this week. Let's get introspective.
ReplyDeleteJames Townley- Would like to write a short, snappy definition here but then decides he's more complicated than that.
Reluctantly, I turned the music off. Music is definitely I big part of who I am, I don't play it as much as I used to, but I still find plenty of time to appreciate it. But that's irrelevant to who I really am.
As alluded to earlier, I'm pretty complicated, and I have some core contradictions. I like to think of myself as a person who stands up for his values, but I often rebel passively, because open revolt would be dangerous. I also like to think of myself as a funny person, and I love the feeling that comes with providing a laugh. However, I sometimes fear that I am too dependent on those opinions of others, laughs, smiles and acknowledgement.
With fear of repeating myself from the last blog, I would also like to mention that I am easily amused. Little things often provide me with great joy, and sometimes I worry that this makes me childish.But if being childish means I get to keep playing with balloons and cardboard boxes, I'm cool with that.
It should be pretty clear by now that I'm not particularly eloquent when it comes to writing about myself, but I would like to bring up one other contradiction, and it's difficult to articulate without me sounding like I'm applying for some sort of award. I work at being modest. Yes, I understand saying that I work at being modest isn't very modest, but let's make an exception for the sake of this blog. What I mean by that is not that I have some extraordinary set of traits that I must constantly downplay in order to appear proper. What I mean is that I have a tendency to relate everything to myself in conversation, and I try to work to avoid that. Maybe that makes me narcissistic, but I like to think that I'm awkward enough that, left with nothing else to talk about, I revert to what I know, and that's me.
So, since my Facebook has been closed during this post, I'll have to pour out all my melodrama here in this definition:
James Townley-Complicated
Tom. Such a simple name. Three letters. One syllable. Easy to say in just about any language.
ReplyDeleteI am Tom. Simple sentence. Three words. Each word, one syllable. Easy to translate into any language.
I didn’t used to be called Tom. When I first came to school, everybody called me Tommy, mostly because that’s how my parents introduced me. It was kind of my “baby” name, but my parents still call me that (of course they also insist I call them Mama and Daddy, which I comply with, as those that have been around me and my parents at the same time know). After about second or third grade, everybody called me Thomas, my “grown-up” name. That went on for about three or four years until I got to middle school. People started calling me Tom up the wazoo from then on, but I don’t mind. It, I guess, is like my young teenager/silly kid name. What I thought was weird is that nobody called me by any nickname, as if Tom was a nickname. Nobody calls me ShrimpBoat. Nobody calls me Phantom (except Mr. Matlack). Nobody calls me any special name. I’m just Tom.
I guess all they are are names. Names are just a label given to each person at birth to show a difference between people in government records to prevent mix-ups. On the inside, if I strip away the titles, the academic accomplishments, traits, hobbies, and virtues, I’m just a blank canvas… wait… dammit Cole. Ugh. You stole my canvas idea. Well, I need to come up with another clever metaphor… If I take away all the things I’ve done, I’m a blank space to draw on, also known as… canvas. I hate you Cole, in a good way. Now I’m jelly for your metaphor.
Anyway, my life is like a big, gigantic, colossal, extremely ginormous, gargantuan pot of experiences. Each person, each life lesson, each day I put a little bit of it into the pot and combine it into a delicious soup called Tom. Although this doesn’t happen in real cooking, the more ingredients I put into the soup, the better it gets. This next sentence is in Italian because it sounds better. La zuppa di Tom può essere buono o cattivo, a seconda della persona. Literally it means “Tom’s soup can be good or bad, depending on the person”. Of course, not everybody can appreciate the soup because they don’t know anything about what is in it. What is in the soup is not as important as the end result, Tom Soup.
To put the cheese on top of Tom minestrone, I will use alphabet soup to stir up the chicken noodle soup of myself.
TOM: Totally Out of Metaphors
Just Kidding.
TOM: Makes sure he is always his own Soup de Jour, not tomato, chicken noodle, root, barley, potato, garlic, alphabet, vegetable, nor minestrone.
To Cole: I have to admit - I didn't like your last blog. This blog, however, made up for it. You got back the funny Cole-ness in your blog that your previous one lacked. Don't have another one like your last one again. Or else.
ReplyDeleteTo James: I know what you mean when you say you work on being modest because, you know, I'm so modest myself. :P I felt like I was repeating myself like four times, so it is entirely possible that you will repeat yourself. This was a pretty good one James.
When I went through school today, I thought about this blog, and thought about all the people I see in a day. Some perfect strangers, some close acquaintances, some people I’ve known since kindergarten…But then I thought, they all might as well be perfect strangers, because how many of them truly know me? Maybe none. I’ve never been one to hide my feelings or my thoughts but when things truly pick at me, truly tear me up inside, or simply make me think deeply, I bottle them up. I usually keep my odd or introspective thinking to myself because I’ll only feel more detached from everyone else if nobody can relate. And then I’ll feel alone.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know who I am… I haven’t known for the longest time. I feel as if I’ve been so many people and I could be so many people, that it’s impossible to know what feels right. I haven’t been a girl of consistency, I’ve been a girl of different varieties. However, I’m not completely detached from myself. I know what I know, and maybe that doesn’t sound like a lot but whatever. I could say I’m not like other girls but then I could risk sounding like, well, other girls.
Well, let me get right down to the core. I’m a faker, and a good one at that. I don’t know how I come off to most of you, but I’m the one around me all the time, so I know best. I lack patience, I have a short temper, I can be the meanest and coldest person you’ve ever known… But I’m getting better with these things, you should know. On the other side, I’m so pathetically emotional. And I care way too much (in general). I care about people, and what they feel. Even after being “the meaning and coldest person you’ve ever known” I can’t turn my back without feeling completely horrible about myself no matter what the person has said or done. This seems contradictory…oh well. My pathetic emotional ways comes through at the strangest times. One time at the boardwalk in the summer I saw a little old man playing the violin to Phantom of the Opera’s “All I ask of you”. I stood before him and broke down in tears; not because he was old and old people are cute, not because the song pulled a particular nostalgic cord in me, but because he was the brave soul that would separate himself from the usual techno crap blaring in all the stores and the usual tools with their “Cool Story Bro” shirts. I simply saw it as a beautiful thing, needless to say, the old man got creeped out and eventually left the scene. I will never forget him though!
Along with those (most likely unknown) qualities of me, I’m a particularly passionate person, and a true thinker. Maybe this doesn’t make sense, but I feel a lot. And I feel deeply. When I love something, I could cry just thinking about it (again, pathetic and emotional). When I hate, It isn’t just a simple thought, It’s the heat of my blood stirring and rising to the thought of something. I don’t know how else to describe it, but maybe my intensity makes me a decent writer. I’m constantly thinking, and pondering, and considering, and wishing, dreaming, wondering, etc… that my thoughts always have a way of swallowing me up. Sometimes I think too hard I start to make myself sad. Sometimes I’ll think too hard and it’ll make me overly cheerful and a shot of joy will jolt me into pure happiness. All of these things may just dub me a typical teenager, but who knows. Most of the time I just feel like a little girl trying to make sense of a big picture.
CONT...
CONT...
ReplyDeleteThe “me” right now is sometimes hard to identify…She’s happy, she’s sad, and sometimes I don’t like her very much. I tend to act differently around different people; I wouldn’t call it being fake, just reactive. The people I spend most time with know my true colors, and they, like me, couldn’t narrow myself down to a strict sentence. I’m too many things all at once, like we all are. Nobody could be properly defined in one or two sentences. We’re all individuals of complexity, and that alone can’t serve as an appropriate response. But if I were too…(and this is after much deliberation)
Connie Capone – A little girl trying to make sense of a big picture.
Nyamekye Coleman:
ReplyDelete[Nya-me-chay Coal-men] Origin: 1995- ; Windhoek, Namibia
Noun
A teenage girl surrounded by a mist of confusion
Usage: What the hell is a Nyamekye Coleman?
View more related words: Mimi, YumYum, and Africa
Well, as you can see above, there isn’t really much to “Nyamekye Coleman.” I like to think that I know who I am, but to be honest I’m not very sure who I am. There are so many versions of “Nyamekye Coleman,” that it’s hard to pinpoint the actual one. However, there are some characteristics that define the ‘real’ me that not many people know about. The difficult part is whether or not I should say them. I have an idea though, I’ll write about these characteristics in the subsequent paragraphs and everyone can just stop reading after this sentence.
Most people wouldn’t classify me as an emotional person. Or perhaps they would, but I don’t think I’m the type that comes off as lovey dovey, let’s hold hands, smile about anything and everything and skip around playfully. I can assure you, that that is not the real me. However, I’m actually a very emotional person; I just like to keep those emotions to myself. I worry about everything, and get my feelings hurt all the time. As a defensive mechanism, I use my mouth to make snide remarks, and for the most part it works. Until I’m left alone. That’s when my emotions get the best of me. I remember in elementary school, in “health” class, we were always told we should let our emotions, punch a pillow if we’re mad, do something, but just don’t hold those emotions in. I hold my emotions in, and then I burst. Few people have seen me burst, but the few that have know it’s not pretty. I ricochet off walls. It’s a great time.
I love to write. As “lame” as that sounds, and though my writing abilities aren’t spectacular, it’s probably one thing that I can always resort to. Though this really doesn’t define “who I am” it’s an aspect of what makes me who I am. Writing is one of those things that anybody can do. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, what your background is, if you have a story to tell, you can tell it. My love for writing, feeds into my love of reading. I read, all the time. I have two bookshelves filled with books that are now spilling over with more books. Needless to say I need another bookshelf. The point that I’m trying to make is, “Nyamekye Coleman” likes to escape. Escape reality. Escape anything actually. I like being able to erase all thoughts and emotions and just be transported into another world.
ReplyDeleteYou’re probably asking why I like to escape. It’s because, often times I don’t like the world we live in. My life isn’t terrible. I love my life! But sometimes, I hate life. Most of the time actually. That statement just contradicted my “I love life!” statement, but I hope you’re following me. I know life’s a blessing, and it’s great and everything, but I see it as one-dimensional. I know that there’s “more to life.” But I have yet to discover it. The people around me bore me, media bores me, and morals bore me. Everything that makes a society a society bores me. Perhaps I’m bored with the American society, because I find myself more immersed in other cultures. Other cultures have more depth to me. So maybe I don’t hate life. I just hate the mundane things associated with life. Life needs more spark, more passion, more fuel needs to be added to the fire, because right now life just isn’t cutting it for me.
Another aspect of me that many people don’t know about is that I’m scared. Of change. Of meeting new people. Of growing up. Of not succeeding. Of not knowing where I’m going to end up. Of the future. Of ladybugs. Of spiders. Of everything. Most of you probably don’t know that some of you actually scare me. I am not a risk taker. At all. I like to stay in my little Nyamekye bubble, and I barely venture out of that bubble.
This is probably a reoccurring motif in many of my blog posts, but I’m self-conscious. About everything. I can’t take a compliment for my life. I do however; have an explanation for why my self-esteem is so low. I used to be cocky. (See Middle School Nyamekye Coleman) But my parents got rid of that fast. When I would get excited about something I did, they’d remind me to be humble for someone was just as good as me or better. As a result, when I do well, I never think I’m good enough. There’s a constant voice in my head saying, “Good job, but not good enough.” Therefore, I always think and know, that someone is always going to better at something. Always. And in the past 16 years, I’ve noticed that this is true, but it takes away from my accomplishments. I’m never able to pat myself on the back at the end of the day and say. “Wow great job, Nyamekye.” Instead, I’m constantly trying to improve myself. Needless, it causes a lot of stress, and probably explains why I’m so uptight about everything. It’s like I’m trying to prove myself. But to what? Or who? Myself? Probably. I am my own worst critic.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, trying to figure out "who I am" is a task that’s going to take quite a few years. I’m currently stuck in that “confused” phase. I don’t know who I want to be, and thus cannot determine who I am. Trying to define myself at this point in time is like explaining the Dadaism cultural movement. It’s boring, and a topic I’m sure very little people care about. However, I’m sure as I grow; the “mist of confusion” that surrounds me will soon be lifted.
Tom: The whole soup thing was very amusing...No, but really! It was clever and you are definitely your own soup. I hope I add a little spice to your soup since "EVERY life" is included :)...You should have added more about who you are though! So then I wouldn't of had to interpret everything!
ReplyDeleteJames: I couldn't help but smile when reading that you are easily amused, I think more people should be like that! And it's something i wouldn't expect out of you. I STARTED to roll my eyes a bit reading that you "work at modesty" but I think you justified it nicely. And I hope I don't sound like a jerk there because modesty, like being easily amused,is also a quality that more people need to, maybe, acknowledge..
Cole - You sound, like me, to be generally unsure of who you are. The good thing news is that is so incredibly normal that i'm sure every other person from now who posts will say the same thing in different words. Your explanation of the canvas was so beautiful and meaningful that it guides me to believe that I think you know more than you let on!
To Connie: I wanted to get into myself more, but the prompt said to not use the typical things to describe a person, like traits, values, etc. My intention was to show that there really wasn't a good way to describe myself without my traits and achievements because they are what make me up entirely. That is why when Cole stole my metaphor, I was kinda at a loss and thought up the soup thing.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, (wow this one is long. sorry :P) I thought it was interesting that you had a hard time pinpointing yourself because you had different personalities for different people. I guess I can't really relate to that because I chose one personality for everybody. What I can relate to, however, is trying to find the big picture. I'm always trying to see what is outside of my life and see what I can do to change it for the better.
Rachel Filippone
ReplyDeleteDefinition - person who cringes at the thought of self-defining.
All this talk of identity brings me back to one of my favorite Spongebob Squarepants episodes of all time, one in which poor Spongebob “loses his identity”. For anyone more mature than I am (which is just about everyone over the age of seven) who doesn’t know what I’m talking about, the episode goes a little something like this…
Our lovable sea sponge is gamboling along, perfectly content with life, until one of his customers complains that they can’t tell who he is because he isn’t wearing a name tag. Spongebob then embarks on a tiring and fruitless quest to find his “missing identity.” Throughout this quest, all he stumbles across is frustration and hopelessness. In the end, he finds that he’s had his name tag all along, but comes to realize that the absence or presence of an “identity” is actually quite irrelevant, and that he has been wasting his time in pursuit of something that has always been with him.
The point of my seemingly senseless story is that it takes a brainless yellow sponge a single episode to discover what most people go a lifetime without realizing: we don’t need name tags. We don’t need identities. We’re human beings. We don’t need to be labeled and categorized and placed on shelves like food at a supermarket.
It’s not just that I don’t like to think or talk or write about who I really am. Although, let’s be honest, I don’t enjoy it. I just don’t understand the human obsession with “finding oneself.” If you gave me a nametag that says, “Hello, I’m…” I would refuse to fill in the blank. And if you filled in the blank with your own simplified definition of me, I would shred it to pieces. The idea of reducing myself or anyone else, for that matter, to oversimplified words makes me feel claustrophobic, like the walls of who I am are closing in. I don’t want to be any one thing, any one word. Just thinking about thinking about it is twisting my stomach into knots.
I find even the title Rachel Filippone so confining. I was given this name at birth, before anyone knew who I would grow up to be. Why am I restricted to a title that my parents gave me when I was a wee fetus?
If you’re wondering who I really am, get to know me. Decide for yourself. Because I’d much rather show you than put it into words.
ReplyDeleteI’d like to start by saying that I’m starting this blog with
a smile, because as I was reading the intro I indeed had my music playing,
Facebook open, and my phone out. The quintessential teenage things, I guess I’m
more predictable than I thought. Anyways, on with the blog.
I don’t think that any one person really KNOWS me. Perhaps
if you grouped all of my friends and family together, you could get a more
complete picture of me. Then again, everything is subjective. The words certain
people may use to describe me may not fit with other people’s ideas of me, or
even my own ideas of who I am. Like everyone, I am multi-faceted. I act
differently according to my audience (the people I am hanging around). There
are maybe two people that I can think of who could be considered the closest to
knowing the “real” me, I’m sure they know who they are.
I think that, even if I DID know exactly who I am at the age
of 16, to describe myself without the use of traits, hobbies, virtues, etc.
would be close to impossible. These are the tools we are taught to use in
reference to describing who we are. When we take those things away, what
exactly is left? Our…essence? Soul? That being said, I can’t claim to know who I
am right at this moment. I know that I don’t know myself, as I do things that
surprise me, which would not happen if I knew myself completely. I’m still
growing and shaping myself into the kind of person I think I want to be, which
will probably end up changing at least slightly within the next few years.
Honestly I think it is quite the accomplishment for anyone to know themselves,
regardless of age. Or more specifically, consciously know themselves. I’m sure
on a subconscious level we all know who we are and what we are capable of, the
real key is to accept whoever that person is, good or bad.
I could give you a summary of me, but I feel as though I’ve
been over most of it throughout our other blogs. I am a complicated
contradiction. I am opinionated yet passive. I am funny (or so I’ve been told)
yet serious, I am selfless but selfish. I like to read, I like being happy, I
don’t often find myself crushing on people, but I love the idea of love. I can
live inside my head sometimes, when I really just don’t want to be bothered
with the world, but other times I live to go out and socialize. I can be really
self conscious, but I have my confident and carefree moments. Of course, this
description is basically all hobbies and traits, but I’m not sure how to
describe myself without these things to lean on for support.
If I had to write my name, and then my definition, I guess
it’d go something like this:
Ashley Hall- a complicatedly contradictory typical teenaged
girl who is constantly changing
Synonyms: young, stupid, restless
Mimi: I really liked the way you did your definition! I
think you did a good job describing yourself based off the time we’ve spent
together, and your blog response is another one that I usually enjoy reading
weekly.
Connie: I appreciate that you always come out and just say
exactly what you’re thinking, whether on the blog or in real life. I really
enjoyed and agreed with your last paragraph, I mentioned some of the same
points in my own blog.
James: I appreciated your point about being a contradiction.
I mentioned this in my blog as well, but I think that everyone is at least a
little contradictory. I really enjoyed your last paragraph and your ending!!
To Connie: Did I really come across as unsure? Hmmm. Maybe I’m not putting it into words correctly. Or maybe you’re right. Either way, I feel like I know myself well enough. Even well enough to pinpoint some intricate reasons for why I do the things I do. But not well enough to make a map of it. Oh well. It would probably be impossible to trace all of these reasons back to early events in my life, like when I was four or five.
ReplyDeleteTom: Last blog was a serious blog, wasn’t it? It was time to get serious about creeding. And I creeded. I creeded fairly well, in my opinion. And creeding doesn’t involve humor. In fact, it’s nearly fatal to make jokes while creeding. So don’t make me come over there and creed your face. With my fist. But seriously, last blog was less funny and more “Blah blah here’s my thoughts everyone.” I didn’t put as much effort into making it humorous.
James: I guess I have that self-relating-in-a-conversation tendency also. I’ve recently attempted breaking it, but that doesn’t just happen on whim. It takes practice. Usually I’ll just say “Enough about me” or “I think that’s enough about my mother’s eyelashes.” I doubt you need pointers, but I need characters. Oh man, look at all these words filling up space for no good reason. I can also relate to being easily amused. Sometimes it’s a blessing, when you’re looking for a laugh, or a curse, when you don’t want to laugh at a funeral or memorial service, but you notice some clown hitting a tree with wires while shouting “Do you HAVE prince ALBERT in a CAN?!” Gets me every time.
Tom- You know what, I love soup, and I love cheesy (or soupy) metaphors, so your post seems tailor-made for me. I admire your effort to be who you are, and I think that I've seen that shape out over the years that I've known you. And your “Tommy” dilemma is one I shared to, until a certain age, my whole family knew me as “Jamie” and it took a long time to get rid of that.
ReplyDeleteCole- I know you are certified mafia, but I also think that “is what he does” describes you pretty well. I feel like of all my friends, I know more about you than most because of that property of you, and because we've known each other since kindergarten. Everything you do, I can say, well that's Cole being Cole, and I like that about you. Even when I see you act differently from what I would expect, I think that it reflects how you are able to adapt to situations, which is I think another great aspect of your character.
Connie- Where to start... at the beginning I guess. I feel as though I'm definitely one of those people whose known you for a long time, almost as long as I can remember, but still really doesn't know very much about you as a person. I also feel as though I've definitely seen more than one side of you over that time. I would agree that your passion makes up a big part of who you are, and it will probably make up a big part of why you are successful in life.
Truthfully, I don’t really know what people think about me so this definition will be purely what I think I am.
ReplyDeleteOlivia Ragan- one who is trying to grow up too fast.
Synonyms- bratty, naive, confused, tries too hard.
(See Britney Spears Not A Girl Not Yet A Women Lyrics)
Who am I? To this question I would love to respond "24601" or "Jean Val Jean" but those would both be incorrect because I'm not either of those things.
Sometimes I feel like I’m so many different things that it would take days and actions to actually put a working definition on it, but the one above functions generally well so we'll go with that. Maybe I'm wrong and my parents could answer this for sure, but a lot is expected of me in terms of what kind of person I am. And although they would argue all day long and tell me otherwise, they basically expect that I act like an adult who is perfectly cable of handling my own problems but the second I handle them "the wrong way" I get lectured. If I were to try to act like an adult if the terms of how most adults act and how they even act themselves and it inconveniences them I mind as well be a disrespectful child because I have trouble in awkward situations and have difficulty announcing to the world when I'm wrong (but I'm pretty sure that at least is a standard among most adults). I’m supposed to take care of my school work and make sure that takes priority, except when they ask me to do something at which point it must be done no matter what.
Ok I think everyone can by now tell that I get a little irritated with my parents even with all their good intentions. So moving on.
In school the definition of my name would be something along the lines of:
ReplyDeleteOlivia Ragan- showoff, overachiever, smart (often more so than I actually am), dependable, trustworthy, suck up.
In school I sometimes demonstrate a very competitive nature, even when it’s not necessary. I guess I feel like because all the people that I surround myself with are succeeding so should I, also I’ve never been any other way so habit maybe. However I don’t have very much invested with most of the people at school, and in a little more than a year I’m going to leave here anyway and probably never see most of them again, so really they can think what they want.
But do I know who I am? I’d have to say no. Really though when you think about it, that’s ok because I have time still to figure it out. At the very least I have until June of next year. I have a slight idea. I’m a sister, a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, a student, and a musician. And I do a decent job at all of them, the hardest part for me when it comes to saying who I actually am is that I feel like if I’m not the best it’s a lie for me to say that I am. For example I don’t feel like saying “I’m a musician is fair because of all the people out there who are real musicians, who practices hours every day and who make a living off of their music and who could do nothing but that all day. But I don’t practice for hours, or make a living, and I usually couldn’t play all day. So when people tell me they are musicians and they don’t even know what practicing is, I’m just like *chuckle chuckle* right you are.
Rachel- I really like your post, and i find the idea of the fact that we are labeled before we have even began to live, and you right it is sort of confining.
ReplyDeleteAshley-I think your definition of you is true for many teenagers because nothing is really set in stone when we are in high school, but I think that eventually we do figure out who we are, at least I hope.
Cole- I wish I was even the slightest bit as creative as you or most of the people on this blog but i must say that "Cole Smith-Cole Smith" is the perfect definition for you because it encompasses everything you have ever done or believed in.
Ashley: I agree with you when you say you don't think anyone really knows you. I don't think anyone but me, (kind of) truly knows who I am. My friends have a a jist of who I am, but I think for the most part they're actually out in the cold. I really like how you mention your contraditions as well. I think, many of us are guilty of contradiction ourselves.
ReplyDeleteOlivia: "However I don’t have very much invested with most of the people at school, and in a little more than a year I’m going to leave here anyway and probably never see most of them again, so really they can think what they want." This is basically the exact mindset I've established for myself this school year. Most of the people I associate with...I won't associate with them after Oakcrest, and so I'm starting to realize that they shouldn't really matter to me. We're all going down seperate paths, and in the long run it's your actions, decisions, and choices that will get you where you want to be.
Rachel: Your Spongebob reference was enjoyable, I must say. Anyways, I love when you said, "We don’t need to be labeled and categorized and placed on shelves like food at a supermarket." I've always known that you are a unorthodox kind of girl. However, I agree with you, when you say you can't explain yourself, or others with words. Words are, yes, too simplistic. Individuals are so complex, and I just don't think words could ever really explain someone.
Every single day is a learning experience. I learn things about myself and other people. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve had regrets. Some unfortunate things have happened to me and I think that stuff have changed my outlook on life. The 16 years I’ve been on this Earth, I still don’t know who I am. Am I expected at this age to know who I truly am? I mean, I still have a lot to learn.
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure what other people think of me. I act differently around different people. You’ll never find the same Amanda among strangers, acquaintances, family, and friends. I guess people have a gist of who I am. It’s impossible for anyone to piece me together like a puzzle. There are some pieces that I’ll never give away. I’m a private person. I keep my thoughts and emotions to myself instead of pouring it out on a Facebook status. I’m pretty good at hiding my emotions; it’s amazing how much you can hide just by putting on a smile. I can’t help but think I feel this way because of my low self-esteem. I simply don’t want any attention on myself and I’m afraid of judgment. I’m sensitive and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m a pretty passionate person. I have a bad temper. I’m impulsive. I’m impatient. I immediately feel guilty after I do or say something that goes against my morals. I’m pretty sure all of my traits affect the decisions I have made so far and the decisions that I will continue to make.
I would like to say I’m an artist. On the day I was born, I stared at a blank sketchbook. Right now, there are a few drops of color here and there. Currently, my work of art is probably not museum worthy. As everyday day goes on, I’ll continue to add to my artwork. Hopefully one day, it’ll be a full rainbow…with a pot of gold at the end.
Amanda Lee – Artist of many things
Ashley: I agree with you when you say you can’t really describe yourself without mentioning your hobbies and traits. They affect decisions we make and play a big role in determining who we really are.
Rachel: I like how your post was centered around a SpongeBob episode. I completely agree with you. Humans are too deep for words. It’s better to just live our lives instead of putting it into words.
Tom: I like your soup metaphor. You basically said the same thing I said in my post. It’s okay if we don’t know who we are now because each day is a new experience and we’re learning new stuff about ourselves.
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ReplyDeleteWho am I? I find myself asking that question all the time (usually while lying in bed), because sometimes it really bugs the hell out of me that I can’t answer it. But then there are other times when I can answer parts of it. And after all of these times of going back and forth I’ve realized one thing – my inside being is very hypocritical.
ReplyDeleteI’m a contradictory person as much as I hate to admit it. I wish I were able to just stick to one belief system and act accordingly with those beliefs, but that isn’t the case. For instance, I tell myself that certain things don’t matter, but always find myself mulling over them. I absolutely hate confrontations, but I can be so dramatic and temperamental. I’m stubborn about some things, but I completely cave when it comes to other things. I change my mind about certain people a lot. I say I’m completely done and over something, then I find myself frustrated and upset because on the inside I haven’t let go. Sometimes I find myself wanting to be rebellious, but I usually will always follow the rules. I’m not sure why I’m this way, but I think a lot of it has to do with human nature. As humans we just have a lot of feelings and it’s almost impossible to stick to one straight line of beliefs and actions on a day to day basis.
Setting aside my contradictory behavior, there are some qualities that will probably always be true about me. I love deeply. I have a really tough time letting go of things. I exaggerate. I like to listen to stories. I get a deep satisfaction when I talk about feelings and emotions. I can be hotheaded. I have a lot of opinions. I’m defensive about things I say. I let my wall down too easily and can talk too much. I’m indecisive, but I’m even more impatient. I forgive too easily. I’m very competitive. I wear my heart on my sleeve with everything I do and I’m not necessarily afraid to show it either. I will always be sensitive. I trust people too much, and they usually let me down. I’m a daydreamer and sometimes my dreams are unrealistic, but I still chase them. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my qualities is that I’m passionate person and forever will be.
I’m almost positive that no one knows me completely, but the one person who comes closest is my dad. He may possibly even know more about me than I do myself. He makes me realize things about myself that I never knew were there. He knows what I like, what I don’t like, and how I’ll react in almost every situation. Sometimes it almost frightens me (in a good way) that he knows so much about me. I consider my dad my best friend, and I think I’m the most “real” me around him. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not when he’s around, as sometimes I do with other people (there’s my contradictory side coming out again). We’re also alike in many ways. I suppose that’s why he comes the closest to knowing who I am. Maybe it’s because he sees parts of himself in me and that’s why he has a good idea of who I am, or maybe it’s because I’m his only daughter (or child for that matter) and he felt obligated to try to figure it out, or maybe it’s just that he didn’t want me to have the same relationship he had with his father growing up. Whatever the reason, I’m happy there is someone that has a great sense of who I am, even if that sense isn’t completely perfect.
ReplyDeleteBut do these qualities I possess really make up who I am? I don’t think so. I’m not a grocery list of things and qualities. So even though I know of some of the traits that compose the inner me, I cannot define myself. I’m too complex. I’m a jumble of different qualities and there is no way I can only write a few sentences to give myself an identity. Humans aren’t a few sentences; they’re years and years of experiences and reactions. So in my short sixteen years, I’ve learned some things about myself, and as the years go by, I hopefully will find out more things. I honestly don’t know where I’m supposed to be or where I’m going. I’m not very decisive and I’m not psychic either, so I can’t possibly know the entire Dominique. She hasn’t been completed yet. She’s still a work in progress. Teenage years are meant to find yourself. So that’s what I’m doing and I’ll keep doing that until I’ve finally made up my mind (which will probably take a long time). Until I can fully answer my question “Who am I?” I’ll keep daydreaming in my small world while only hoping that I will someday be able to answer it.
With that being said, if I were to look up Dominique DeFilippis in the dictionary I would find, “a small town dreamer, just trying to find herself.”
Honestly, I'm not quite sure how to answer this blog. As I start to write this, the music is still on. I listen to music no matter what I'm doing. I can't ever sit in utter silence. If I'm laying in bed, either the TV has to be on, or the music has to be playing. I fall asleep to music, do my homework to music, and listen to music when I'm around my friends. I just passionately enjoy music.
ReplyDeleteBack on topic: Only my group of close friends probably know who I actually am. Around them, is when I'm most open and to my true self. This may sound dumb, but, even around my family, I'm quiet and I'm not a fan of answering the 35 questions my mom asks me everyday. As almost everyone on this blog post has said, I'm constantly changing. My opinions are constantly changing. My outlook on life is constantly changing. None of us truly know when this roller coaster will stop, until we become of age.
I enjoy being polite, even if I'm in an awful mood, I'm polite. I try to be as respectful as I can to no matter who I'm talking to. I don't call Mrs. Rock: "Rock" or, Mr. Costal "Costal", or even, Ms. Bunje, "Bunje". It doesn't matter to me if they love me, or hate me, I feel as if it's still being disrespectful. I may have a good relationship with them all, but I'm still the student, and they're (you're) the teacher(s). I'm not sure if this comes off as rude, or arrogant, but it's just my opinion.
I'm not creative enough to make up a definition for myself. If I had to pick three synonyms, they'd be: stubborn, passionate, and respectful.
Connie: From what I've seen the past couple years, your passion is entertaining. That may come off wrong, but, I enjoy watching you fight for your beliefs. It's interesting, and you're a very strong person. If you read this Connie, go John Kerry.
Amanda: Your post was incredibly accurate (not that I know you all too well). From what I've learned from having a few classes with you, you are very hidden, and quiet. Which isn't a bad thing. For example, you do not seem like the type of person who is impatient or has a bad temper. You seem too nice for either characteristic. I'm the same in a few ways. I can't stand attention unless it's in a small group of people.
Cole: Your post was enjoyable to read. "I’m not some appetizer dish to be passed around the table, but a delicious filet mignon to be savored by a select few. So don’t go around buying the filet you guys. I won’t be special anymore." I actually laughed out loud at that. Your whole post is one big metaphor. I have to make sure to read more of your posts from now on.
Amanda – “Am I expected at this age to know who I truly am? I mean, I still have a lot to learn.” I completely agree with you on this point. We’re too young to know completely who we are. We still have a lot of living, learning, and experiencing to do. I also wanted to say that I loved your analogy for being an artist and that hopefully one day your sketch book will be filled with rainbows and pots of gold. That was very beautifully said. I too hope that my own sketchbook will look like that.
ReplyDeleteRachel – Oh Rachel! I thought your whole post was so adorable and so totally “Rachel-y”. I particularly enjoyed the Spongebob reference. It’s completely true. We don’t need names and labels to make us who we are – it’s on the inside.
Nick T – If I had to pick three adjectives for you, I’m pretty sure I’d pick the same three you did (or something very similar). In all my time of knowing you I would have to say that I’ve noticed how passionate and stubborn you are (most people have). I have to say I’m the same way in some sense, but maybe not as stubborn as you. However what I want to say in this is that I have realized how polite and respectful you are over the years, (I know that you always greet people in authority in the way that you explained in your post). But overall I think you are polite in everything you do. Even when you argue it’s respectful. I think it’s refreshing, and not a lot of people are very respectful to begin with and most people lose their sense of politeness as they get older , so never lose that quality. It’s a good one to have.
This past year, I had an epiphany. I realized that the few close friends I have, or at least consider to be my close friends, know nothing about me. They don’t know the secrets I concealed years ago, or the true feelings I have deep down inside. The people I once relied on for support have slowly begun to drift away for me, leaving me standing cold, alone, and empty. Yes, that sounds rather dark and depressing, but I only have one person in my life anymore who I feel completely comfortable telling anything to, and he’s never around to listen. Keeping things bottled up inside of me isn’t healthy, I know; but when the only person I can count on from day to day is myself, it begins to become habitual.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I’m really not answering the question at hand here. Maybe because I don’t know how to go about answering this because honestly, I don’t know who I am. I know I’m the short, obnoxious blonde whose mouth is disproportionate to her body, but that’s not an accurate description. I feel like people are quick to judge me (yes, I know this sounds conceited) simply because of the reputation I’ve gained over the years. I mean, I can’t blame them, but it feels like people almost assume my feelings can’t be hurt because I’m always laughing or smiling. On the outside, I’m giddy, carefree, optimistic, unusual and silly. Inside, I’m fragile, emotional, expressive, confused, wary, and conflicted.
In all honesty, I have no idea where I’m going with this post, but I get the point I’m trying to get across is that nobody knows how I act when nobody’s around – how alone I feel. I have every reason in the world to be happy, I nothing to complain about, yet somehow I’m still so sad and so empty-feeling half the time. As I write this down (or type it, to be more accurate), I’m finding myself more and more unsure about actually putting it up online. It’s hard enough admitting to myself how alone in the world I feel, despite being surrounded by people that love me, let alone admitting it to my whole English class. That’s the point of this blog, I guess. Self-discovery, right? Or wrong? I don’t know.
On top of feeling lonely pretty much constantly, I’m always so unsure about everything. I suppose that it makes me a hypocrite to feel one way one day, and another way the next. I hate that I can never make my mind up about anything and that I’m so damn conflicted. I just want to be able to be definite in my opinion or my feelings, but there’s always something that changes how I feel. Crap, I really hate confessing all of this. These are the feelings that I usually can’t even admit to myself because I instantly tell myself I’m being silly.
Becca Adamo [beh-kuh ahh-duh-mo]
Noun
1. Indecisive; still trying to figure everything out.
2. Outwardly silly, inwardly cynical.
See also: introvert
Dom: I know what you mean with your dad. Like, the little things that you don't think he picks up on, he remembers, and it's just nice knowing that someone out there is listening and that someone else CARES and you're not just babbling to nothingness. Also, the contradictory quality I'm sure isn't just you, so don't worry. I think it's a teenage thing. Once we know where we're going in life, plans are set, and things are stationary, we all won't be so hypocritical and unsure about everything.
ReplyDeleteOlivia: I've noticed that a lot of people don't really know who they are, like yourself, but something different I've noticed about your post is that you give suggestions as to what you could be classified as, where most people wouldn't even know where to begin. So while you say you don't know who you are yet, and I know that you're not 100% sure, none of us are, at least you have a clue. :)
Cole: Yes, you are Certified Mafia. Definitely. But in all seriousness, I like that you know who you are now, but you're not pretending like you're going to be that guy five years from now or ten years from now or whatever; and that only those who truly deserve seeing the real you, will see the real you. That's a trait you don't see in many people: restraint. I applaud you on that, Cole Smith.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWho am I? I am a variety of people, known by different names to all. I am known as...
ReplyDeletePatrick- To those who are just getting to know me. This form of myself is strictly respectful to those he is just acquaintances with and is often shy.
Pat- To those who know me well enough and who I consider friends. This form of myself is often relaxed and is always ready to have a good time. AKA PatPat, Patback, RickPat (these nicknames also share these characteristics)
Patty- To those who know me well because I share my personal experiences with them. This form of myself is a sensitive guy who can sympathize with anyone.
Patricia- To those who want to make me their enemy. Just the mention of this name gets me irritated but I often cool myself down before things escalate.
Rick- To those in my neighborhood. This form of myself is more attuned to my culture. I am loud, obnoxious, and just out of control but i keep it to a level. In this form I am the opposite of the next name.
My favorite of all Aliases... Oreo- To all those who think I don't act like the stereotypical black person.
Each of these descriptions are me. Each take precedent over parts of my life. These are the parts of me that when people see me, they can figure out in which mode I am in. Or often I switch to to fit that persons expectations of me. However, as stated these are PARTS of me. My true self is a combination of traits from each nickname. Combined all those traits listed above and that’s who i am.
If I had to write a simple definition of myself it would state....
Patrick Durr (Noun)-
(see the best guy in the world)
(see a little conceited)
ok it would really state...
A down to earth guy, who loves to be happy and fights hard to overcome his obstacles; the guy next door
Synonyms: caring,cheerful, go-getter, forgiving, family-man
Antonyms: hateful, disrespectful, quitter, vengeful
I believe that this definition is who I really am. Most people only see one side of me and don't see the rest. There's more to myself than they think so if I were to show them they would probably be shocked, and I guess that shock is what prevents me from showing all of who I am to the world. In addition, I know it comes down to it, I don't know everything about myself yet. I've only had 17 years to explore and experiment on who I want to be and that hasn't been enough time. By the time I am in my 60's to 70's I will know exactly to the letter of who I am, having experienced life a little. I know that there are still choices that not only I but we all have to make in life before we find out who we really are.
Who am I? I have often found myself asking this very question. And to be truthful,
ReplyDeleteI am yet to find the answer. Now I can sit here and fill pages and pages of
worthless adjectives about what I like and how I act, but that isn't
exactly a definition of who I am. And I am okay with that. I don't
think that I need a difinative definition of who I am. Everyday
my life changes. Everyday parts of me grow, and parts of me die. I learn
and I forget. Because of this, I am obviously changing all the time. And
because I'm constantly changing I would say the definition of Janel Ashly Gardner
is constantly changing.
A little while back I remember asking my sister, who I am very close with, who
she thought I was. So as I was typing this post I called her and asked her once more
what she thought my "definition" would be. And this is what she said:
Janel - an intellegent, funny, sarcastic, loving, faithful, thick headed and honest
young woman. I laughed and thought about it for a while. I most definiately
won't disagree with any of those things, but I am not satisfied with them. I
don't think that is my definition. I don't think I have one.
By now I am most certin that this sounds super mundane, but I don't like
this blog. I don't like putting names and prices , so to speak, on people.
I... don't know what to write. For the first time this year I do not have
words to type. I really don't know who I am, I think. I am a human. I am a
junior at Oakcrest High School. But this is general "shell stuff" as my mom would say.
Deep down, under all of the layers of my mind and soul, I couldn't tell you who I am
exactly. I am many things and I am few things. You'd have to ask someone else.
Ask Amanda, or Patrick (two of my closest friends) or ask my family (they seem
to know me best.) Maybe my sisters long list of adjectives that she insisted were
a huge single noun is who I am. But is that all I am? Am I only what other people
think I am?
To Rachel: As soon as I read your definiton I laughed and thought to myself
why I didn't think of that first. And your point about showing not telling was brillient!
I really don't have anything negative to say about your post. You even put Sopngebob
in it! I respect you for it. We don't need to be labeled by our parents and placed on shelves!
Good for you!
To Amanda: You are a private person! I've known you basically since.... eighth grade, and
since then we've become great friends, which we already know haha! To be truthful your
post didn't surprise me. I love how you said that you would like to think of yourself as an artist.
We, as you said, are still young and we do have a lot to learn. And trust me this Amanda,
one day your canvas will be full of color! Your an amazing and hilarious person and life will
prove you right.
To: Olivia: We all have multiple definitions. I often find that I have a personal definition of myself
(although that changes a lot), I have a family definition and a friends definition. I wouldn't call
these definitions exactly though, they're more like perceptions. I agree with your point about
not being the best. I completely respect your post. For some reason it stuck out to me. I
saved your response for last so I could write all this stuff about it, but I don't think I have
to. You post was well thought out, and I would think that most people would agree with
the thoughts behind it!
Theodore Price—Kind-hearted, intellectual, thinker
ReplyDeleteTed Price—Amicable, light-hearted, jolly fellow
Ted—Sick and tired of being sick and tired
What most of you are probably thinking is, “He’s being so greedy—look at him having three definitions.” Well, you’re probably not saying that, however I would assume that you are perplexed over my decision to elect to put up three definitions for myself.
The reason behind my actions is that nobody can be summed up in one definition. People are complex and mercurial beings. We change constantly and unpredictably. As it goes, we all act differently around diverse groups of people. Whether they be friends, family, strangers, or anybody in general; we wear certain personalities that differ strongly from each other. Furthermore, these personalities will also be affected by the various moods we are in and the circumstances surrounding us at those moments. I will take the liberty of going through each one of my definitions; the first defines me at my absolute best, the second defines me at neutral, and the third at my worst. Without further ado…
Theodore Price. This guy is someone who strives for greatness, he rarely gives up, makes great decisions, works diligently, enjoys thinking, is an overall good person, nice to be around, and enjoys the finer things. Overall, I love being this person. I am defined as this for about 50 percent of the time. When I put on my Theodore Price suit, I am confident and feel ready to tackle any challenge, and I get through the day much quicker. This is the “Theodore Price” definition because this is my professional name, and it is how I would like to be defined in my future endeavors.
Next up is “Ted Price”. This guy is fun to be around, is less serious, makes jokes, is always in the mood for something fun to do, enjoys being amused, always wants to be with friends, loves the good in life, and just wants to relax. This defines me about 40 percent of the time. I probably enjoy myself in this mode more than the previous, but there is a time to snap out of this character and return to the better. Overall, this person is who I am when I want to just forget about the struggles of life and enjoy myself a bit. I often open up to people through this personal medium and eventually switch to “Theodore Price”. Anyway, this person is always there for others and understands the situation he’s dealing with.
Finally, we have “Ted”. Probably “Mr. Price” when he gets older. Anyway, this person is stressed out, wants to relax but can’t, doesn’t feel well, is constantly disappointed with humanity, and just tired and not in the mood for much. Sadly, I am in this state now, mainly because I’m so stressed out and enduring a massive headache. Not to worry because while I feel this way for 10 percent of my life, it often comes and ends quickly. I think everyone feels this way at some point; just sick and tired of being sick and tired. However, I am confident that I will eventually get up and walk to my personal closet and pull out my “Ted Price” or “Theodore Price” attire. Being this person is not fun, nor is it tolerable. Despite this, I learn a lot from this person and strive not to be what this person defines. Actually I think I’m starting to feel a bit better. See there it goes. Awesome.
Conclusively, we all have different guises that we exhibit; the important thing is to strive to be a combination of the best characters, and to turn away from the poorer representations that occasionally push through.
George Schieder - Man of constant change (May be subject to adjustment)
ReplyDeleteWho am I? Well, somethings about me are well known, or at least I think so. My bed time is around 8 o’clock because I’m a hardcore morning person. I love fruit, hate soda, and I eat my salads dry. I’m really good at swimming, and I train all year round. I enjoy hot weather, and I adore beaches, which is why I love my job being a lifeguard. My favorite hobby is surfing. I have a fetish for all things European, and I hate suburbs. I can never get enough reggae, and I especially love ska music. But let’s be honest … that’s not really who I am.
There’s a problem with asking me who I am, because I’m always changing. I am a firm believer that we are a product of who we surround ourselves with, and my surroundings differ from time to time. I don’t believe we have a natural personality that we’re born with. So to better explain who I am, maybe I should start with who I’ve been.
Who remembers shy George, back when I was afraid to speak to anyone? There was athletic George, who only cared about sports and would willingly miss school for a swim meet. Recently there was party George, being a product of who I was surrounded by all the time. There was nerdy George way back in the day. I forgot about lazy George, again, being a product of his surrounding people. How could I forget about the extra rebellious George? As I mentioned before, I am a man of constant change.
Maybe we should explain who I want to be. I want to be cool, motivated, and confident. I want to be not only be hard working, but also relaxed and calm. I want to be independent with plenty friends.
So maybe the answer to “Who am I?” is a mixture of who I’ve been and who I strive to be. It’s been a long time since I was very shy, but that part of me will always be somewhere in my soul. Or maybe who I am is just a great big combination of everything I’ve been. When I was thinking about this blog, I came to my senses and realized I had no best friends. I don’t even have really good friends. My friends range from book worms, to hardcore party people, to super athletic gym rats. Maybe that just proves who I am, a great big mix of personalities.
This answer to the question “Who am I?” might be disappointing, or even missing the point. However, I find it difficult to answer a question that I have no idea on where to even begin. The truth is, I’m still discovering who I am. Everyday, I can change. Maybe thats just who I am, a man of constant change.
I loved the style of writing Patrick D. used in his response, giving a definition for each one of his nicknames. My very amusing, but also very purposeful. His was one of the most enjoyable to read.
Nick mentioned very similar to me when he stated “I’m constantly changing. My opinions are constantly changing. My outlook on life is constantly changing. None of us truly know when this roller coaster will stop, until we become of age.” He’s exactly right. This is such a hard question for people of our age growing up because we’re still trying to figure out who we are. I would imagine this question is much less perplexing to an adult than a teenager.
“Janel - an intelligent, funny, sarcastic, loving, faithful, thick headed and honest young woman. I laughed and thought about it for a while. I most definitely won't disagree with any of those things, but I am not satisfied with them. I don't think that is my definition. I don't think I have one.” Now I don’t know you very well Janel, but I think it’s a pretty good definition of you. After reading your response I wished I would have had the intelligence to ask someone like you did. I appreciated your thought on not having a definition, because can we really define a human being?
To Patrick: Welcome back Pat. Anyway your blog post amused me and I completely agree with your choice to use a wide ranging assortment of personalities to express who you truly are. I attempted to narrow it down to three, but your choice of extrapolating on nearly every part of your character is really the best way to go about it. I liked that your definitions and names were matched up with an association of people that bring out those characters.
ReplyDeleteTo James: I would strongly agree that everyone is comprised of some contradictions that accompany our personalities. I find it a normal part of human nature to be contradictory. I think your definition is just a short way of describing most people’s feelings towards the subject. Complicated. We are all very complicated. If it weren’t so…why write this blog? The point is that we all are unusual and complex.
To Janel: Okay so enjoyed what you had to say about not really having any specific definition; that we are always changing. I wholeheartedly agree to that sentiment. Anyway, I too wasn’t very satisfied with this blog. Putting “names and prices” on things is not the best way to live. Sometimes I feel like I have hundreds of definitions; which would give me really no true definition. Perhaps it’s just human nature.
Beginnings are savored in my mind, like a wisp of music in a silent world. The introduction of a paper is always the one I hold most dearly, but yet I sit here struggling to grasp for the right words to write as I cannot express the thing I love most. It’s increasingly hard for me to start to write, for I rarely think in words. My every thought dwells in a landscape of vision and a strange switch must be flicked for me to translate them to words, but just like that, once flicked it is miraculously easy for me to continue. Now I find myself struggling to bullet all of the points I would like to in the future make below this paragraph so I won’t forget them when the time comes. The words flow easily as I have transformed from natural to “human.”
ReplyDeleteOften I wonder what a baby thinks like. They know no language to “think” in. What do they picture for hungry; what do they picture for love? Without a word to attach to an object or feeling, how can a baby think? But then I find myself analyzing how I am in fact pondering the issue. Maybe a word will pop up here or there, but unless I’m trying to plan something to write or say, all my thoughts are pictures. Flashing by like staccato notes in music, I see a baby, a crib, hunger, a thought. Though the latter two are hard to picture, they are simple understood. Honestly, I can’t imagine why I should think in words. Words are just sounds, meaningless jibber jabber that we choose to connect real life and imaginary things and concepts to, their sole purpose to translate to one another how we feel or information. I often find words horribly limiting. I feel that even the most brilliant writer cannot truly express the art of what they imagine in their head. What is a beautifully sculpted expression of love as passionate as the burning fire of a thousand suns compared to the brilliance of a thought? Even worse, I oftentimes accidently have my “human” switch turned off. If you’ve ever wondered what English sounds like to people who don’t speak English, I can tell you. Somebody will deliver to me a perfectly clear and concise statement, full volume with proper enunciation. Each time I’ll “huh” at them, and each time they’ll say it even more clearly. The whole time, all I hear is a bunch of meaningless mumbo-jumbo that only serves to confuse me further.
But why should I think in English? It’s not natural. Thoughts aren’t meant to be in language, language is supposed to express thoughts. Even if you always have your “human” switch on, you have to admit the letter “H” sounds atrocious. Imagine a dog hearing a little boy sing the alphabet, and eight peculiar sounds called letters in hearing “H.” What is a letter? What is a number? What is a name? None of these things really occur naturally. Why do I have to wear shoes in public, is the floor going to burn my feet like the desert? I’m not Amber, I am who I am and people call out the sound that the strange scribbles of letters of “Amber” make to get my attention. “Who I am” is a hodgepodge of quirky qualities that all combine to make me unique from everybody else because everybody is unique. I’m overemotional for the most part. I’m way too in tune with my emotions and those around me. I’m in touch with emotion because I know myself extraordinarily well.
It seems so queer to me to not know who you are. Do you not think all of your thoughts constantly? It’s perplexing how one can never shut off their thoughts. I don’t think anybody doesn’t know who they are; I just feel that they can’t put it into words. Everything you do is part of the definition of who you are. Even when you’re off in a dreamland where you’re pretending to be somebody you’d more favorably be, you’re defining a part of yourself. As I sit here and find myself sneering ever so slightly at the thought of society, I’m defining myself. If I had to define myself, right here and right now in my ever changing mindscape, I would say I’m:
ReplyDeleteWith no name, since my attention is not being called and I genuinely despise names, I’m a perpetually cheerful girl with a keen connection to emotion and a deep rooted twisted dislike for unnaturally accepted things.
Oddly enough, I am always happy. My emotions are like my own decisions, for lack of a better comparison to express my thoughts. While outside influences sometimes decide for me, I ultimately choose how I feel. Normally, I feel content and pleased all of the time, at all of the little things. Now and then I allow myself to feel sad, for I feel an odd sort of satisfaction when I’m depressed. Everything feels deeper when I’m melancholy. When I’m furiously ticked off because I decide I have every right to be, I find amusement in my pitiful rage. I’ve come to realize that for me, emotion is just a mindset. When I’m in pain, I sometimes choose to ignore the pain. It’s still there and it still hurts, but I choose to just not classify it as detrimental. It’s just a feeling, just a sensation. When I’m sad and can’t help, sometimes I just choose to enjoy the feeling of it.
Other than that little odd quirk that will probably get me sent to an asylum, I feel a constant struggle between society and life. I grew up accepting school and jobs and society as human life. However, the older I get the more I wonder. Is this really what life is about? Have I not just grown up accepting all around me to be the truth of the world? Do I need to abide by the world’s laws and way of living? Time pisses me off. Clocks and watches are inventions. The time that’s passing isn’t a real physical thing, just a change. Seconds and minutes and hours and days are nothing. They’re only measurements, just the position of the sun, just a spin of the Earth, just a rotation around a fiery star more wondrous and important than we’ll ever be. I want to be able to sleep when I want. I would like to not be governed by time in everything I do. I would like to see each rise of the sun indifferent to a day of the week. I struggle often with this, what is accepted and what life really is. Is a human really a man or a woman that works? A part of me views humans as just animals dressed in monkey suits living their lives to the imaginary ticking of clocks. A part of me wants to drop everything and live with no ticking to guide my footsteps. A part of me says that life isn’t about success. A part of me would like to step in the mud of my stream or lay on the moss without wondering why people would find me odd if I did it. It’s only natural to do these things, so why am I weird for it?
ReplyDeleteThis is the person I am. I’m baffled to the world I was born in. I’m overly in touch with my natural side, my emotions and thoughts. I’m overly turned off to the idea of the world I reside in. Yet, when I was little and never thought of these things, all of my hopes and dreams rooted themselves into society. If I left now, I would give up all I ever wanted, which was never much. So, I’ll stay here, dressed in strange colors and typing odd scribbles on a computer the color of the night sky. The part of me that will always wonder and always question what a human really is and is meant to do will just stay locked up in my thoughts. They are my thoughts, my little world of only picture and no time, my little world free of ticking and free of words. And now I’m concluding, so I can go back to my little world I prefer and only hope I’ve expressed this world clearly enough. This is the world I think in, the world I am truly in, my reality. It’s more me than any description of my hobbies and pastimes could be.
James: My definition of perfect is: knowing there is no such thing as a perfect mold but always trying to be perfect while always remaining humble. Humility is key. I never really thought of relating stuff back to you in conversation to be a bad thing. It’s better than obsessing over somebody else. But I guess you’re right in that when somebody has an problem that they’re complaining about, it is in a sense rude to bring everything back to yourself. But people like to hear you’ve been through the same stuff.
ReplyDeleteNyamekye: I’m with you on a lot of this. I really do hate ladybugs. I can’t take a compliment for my life either. It’s like somebody compliments me, and I automatically shoot it down without even realizing it. I don’t think it’s because I’m self-conscious, though I am. It’s just like somebody compliments me and it doesn’t sit right. I don’t like accepting compliments because it’s like I’m agreeing with it, and I don’t like acknowledging stuff like that in front of other people. It feels snooty. It’s kind of like what you said, with the whole cocky thing. But I still think you should feel good about your accomplishments, just not acknowledge them to other people.
Rachel: I feel like we had the name conversation before, over the summer. I was somehow more extreme in my view than you, which is hard to do. Names are stupid. I’ve finally given in that they’re necessary for society, but that’s why I hate them. I’m not Amber and you’re not Rachel. Words are so confining. I like just thinking in my head. Everything is understood there without trying to put it into confining words with slim definitions. Of course, the best writers can use words correctly to express thoughts, but even then it’s not perfect. I wonder sometimes, if my name didn’t show up when I sent somebody a message, if they would just know it’s me, by my tone or my words (ew).
It seems I must go for now, Facebook, my love..
ReplyDeleteOther people don’t really know me, I guess. They may know a lot about me, but they have no idea all the things that go on in my mind. But I don’t even know me. This is something I realized long ago.
I’ve always had a difficult time writing about who I am exactly. It’s an arduous task. So much that my “About Me” section on Facebook and other websites says only that “I’m a person.” I know that definition won’t cut it here. (Also, I miss Facebook already..)
The reason it’s so backbreaking to write about myself is because I change too much. (I know, a billion other people here already talked about this kind of thing, but it’s true.) Each year, I considerably. Every year, I find myself doing things I would have never done before. My attitude and outlook on life both become altered. When I think back to who I was freshman year, I am almost embarrassed by how stupid I acted. Every so often, I come to a realization or revelation and I change just a little more.
But of course, I don’t just change just because I feel like it. I’ve observed that I’m not necessarily changing, but rather developing into a better person. In the past few years, I have gained confidence, perspective, and knowledge, which have all guided me to improve. Most importantly, my progression has brought me more happiness.
But why do I feel the need to advance and better myself? Well, I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist in everything. Why am I a perfectionist? I think that would have to do with the way my parents raised me. Really, I could go on all day asking “why” this and “why” that. But to dumb it all down, here’s the definition of me:
Emily Ding: A person who is as fickle as Mother Nature, but at the same time tends to subconsciously push herself toward change in order to fulfill her perfectionist needs and hunger for happiness.
Although I find this definition sums me up pretty well right now, I think that it won’t take long for it to change. (Will I change so that I don’t change so much?) If I look back at this post a year from now, or several years from now, I’ll probably laugh at how silly I was (or am). We’ll see what happens.. Changing is fun.
I came across many people during a regular day of mine. I conversate with these people, tell then about whats stressing me out, and maybe even crack a joke here and there. Maybe once in a while i may even tell a big secret. But does that mean they know me? of course not. I don not think anyone in this world (beside my cousin ans sister, and even they have trouble talking to me sometimes) actually know me. But I am the only one to blame for that. I am different and i am aware of it. Being pakistani has taken a big toll on my personality. Since i have been a little girl, i have closed myself off from other people in school because I have never felt like i could truly relate to them. As a child I was also reffered to as "that pakistani girl". Because i was never quite accepted as a child in my school and with my friends, I grew up with the mind-set that no one really cared. Which is why i never let anyone come past my wall. I was always so dissapointed by my so called "friends, so i finally found it useless to even try. This wall did not apply to my school life. I also experianced this problem at home, which led me to build a wall against them too. My family also treated me like an outside for a good portion of my life. I gave up trying to talk to them too. I built a wall around myself so that i would not get dissapointed by my family or friends. It is how i kept myself from getting hurt over and over again. It is a brilliant plan right? wrong. This wall keeps affects my relationships i have with people nowadays. I can't let anyone in, it is just a really bad habit. But i can't change it. It is who i am. I am that weirdo behind the wall.
ReplyDeleteHira Zeb- Weirdo behind the wall.
Cole: You always have the wittiest blog posts. And at the same time you always manage to be the first poster. How do you do it? ..Please share with me your genius. Anyways, I liked the part where you talked about your “blank canvas.” What you said is very true. Since there is so much to each person, it’s really difficult to come up with a definition. The definition you came up with, “He is what he does,” is short, but I think it suits you well.
ReplyDeleteDominique: Oh man, you do that thing where you lie in bed and somehow begin to ponder deep thoughts about life? I thought it was just me! Anyways, I don’t think you should be worrying about your “contradictions” so much. It’s a common thing for people to act differently from how they want to act. You can accept the way you act, or try to make baby steps to change. But all in all, I don’t think you should be stressing yourself out so much with this.
Becca: If it makes you feel any better, I am also bottled up with my own secrets. It’s not that nobody will listen, it’s that it’s so hard to tell people about the sad side of my life. I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t really have much else to say, just that I know what you mean.
nyamekaye: Thanks for showing us how to pronounce your name, i think we all needed to see it. lol (oh and you put yumyum!) But i totally get how you feel about escaping sometimes. I want to do the same, but i can't. :(
ReplyDeleteEmily: I am the same way! sometimes i can not decide anything about myself. It seriously took me like 3 hours just to think about how to define myself! I thought you might actually put something about your clumsiness! haha
Connie: I love your blogs, i really like what you have to say! :) But anyways i don't think you're fake. I think you are just unsure, like the rest of us, about who you are. It's not a bad thing, and you are not cold!
Warning: incoming stream of consciousness!
ReplyDeleteMy name and my identity … two very different concepts indeed. My name is interesting enough: Francis Nicholas Murphy. It would have been Francis Aloysius Murphy, which is my father’s name save for the blatant III at the end of it, which would have evolved, in my case, into a more royal-sounding IV, but my mother hated the name Aloysius so I inherited the first name of my maternal great-grandfather, a Philadelphian tailor named Nicola Brita, and its Anglicized version became my middle name. Everyone may call me Nick, but I’ll always have Francis Nicholas tucked away in the secret part of my whatever-it-is that controls my identity.
Hell, maybe I’ve even got a bit of Francis Aloysius tucked in there somewhere.
As you can probably tell, I don’t care much for labels. What I do care about is my heritage. If anyone feels the need to prod my psyche, to pick my brain, to know who I really am past the Herculean physique and perfect skin – they need look no further than my family. Everything I am – my determination instinct, my talents, my intellect, and my motives in life – can all be traced to my family. My mother’s singing, my dad’s willpower, my grandmother’s carefulness, my great-grandfather’s … tallness … these are all attributes that have worked their way down my family tree just to make me who I am today.
Besides my family, my interests probably define me more than anything else. I appreciate every kind of art, and it tends to inspire me. Plots and nuances of music, films, and even video games allow me to have perspectives on life that may not have existed if it weren’t for art. If I were to pick one thing that defines me, it would be the art I observe around me.
Emily: You're right; change is fun! It's also something that is ongoing in life. If anyone would be able to define themselves, they can be sure that that definition would change rather quickly. So don't worry about defining yourself on Facebook; the only thing that matters is what defines you in real life!
ReplyDeleteAmber: A bit existential tonight, are we? In all seriousness, it's easy to get lost in the motions if we see time as something that's just *there*. In reality, time is fluid and ever-changing; it's not just a static backdrop for all of space to exist alongside. Lighten up; give time a little credit! Also: arduous. I see what you did there.
ReplyDeleteUnderneath this perpetual act that is the life of Michael Steven Giovinco, I can’t really say who I am. Until now, I never realized how transparent my life is. I’d like say that I’m extremely open about everything I do. After all, I’m a pretty lucky guy. There’s no reason for me to be ashamed of anything. I have a great family, amazing friends, cool talents like stilt walking, I’m an avid part of the drama club, and I’m on the board for Student Council (soon I’ll be running for state office). What’s there to really hide.
ReplyDeleteFor the sake of this argument I guess I’ll need to dig a bit deeper into myself. I have to murder that fake dummy that I use to mask my true self. Please pay attention to the man behind the curtain.
A lot of people judge. That is a fact that just about everyone knows and accepts. I don’t understand why people find the need to judge others, but that’s society. Now, I don’t know if it’s because I’m a drama kid or something, but I know that there are a lot of people that assume that I’m gay. Being gay isn’t, by any means, a bad thing. However, I’m not gay and I tend to be insecure about others calling me that. It irks me. I tend to be a sensitive guy (which probably doesn’t help my case) and in the end I just hide my feelings on the subject.
I guess that the other thing about me that people claim to know is my financial situation. A lot of people think that because I’m Jewish that I’m rich or something.My family is always trying to make it seem like we habe money though. Don’t get me wrong, We’re not so poor that we can’t live, but I know that unless I get a hefty amount of money from colleges, I won’t be able to go to the colleges I want to go to.
So why the heck am I telling you all of this? Well it slightly shows the type of person that I am. I get the grades I get in school because I work hard to get whatever grade I get. I’m not the type of person who can just see something once and then remember it for the rest of my life, I am a hard worker because I want and pretty much need good results.
I’m a determined kid who can get pretty emotional. In essence, that’s what I portray myself as to others. It may not be directly portrayed, but I tend to be passionate about the things I do and I am always one of the hardest working people on a task. So who am I? Well, I’, Michael Steven Giovinco and darn proud of it.
Matt Mazzone- Insert deep, clever, or witty statement here.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been debating which direction to go with this blog, and I think it says enough about me that I haven’t been able to close my Modest Mouse Pandora playlist or stay away from Facebook’s allure. Distractions often consume me, which I consider a good thing. Anyway, I’ll try to be as undiscursive as possible during the course of this blog. (and yes, I made, “undiscursive” up.)
Beyond our job titles, our names, our jobs, our traits, and our hobbies; we are nothing. On the inside, I am an auspicious collection of organized chemicals. However, this chemical congregation of my cranium have done some pretty awesome things in making me, me. The way that the serotonin, norepinephrine, and other chemicals (whose names I learned in commercials for depression medicine) work to orchestrate my daily activities has always fascinated me. Maybe this is the most basic way to know who I truly am. The chemicals tell me that in order to be happy; I have to do a bunch of stuff. This stuff makes me who I am.
Everything that has happened to me in my life has contributed to who I am today. However, I tend to hide my true feelings about many things. I’ve become very good at being happy by pushing bad feelings under the rug. One of the main factors that have contributed to the real me has been the feeling that I don’t know myself. Another blog with a contradiction? You got it. Dascartes said, “The more you know, the more you don’t know.” The quote applies perfectly to my situation. The more I learn about myself, the more I learn that I really know nothing about myself. When I do make progress to my goal of self-realization, it seems like a take a step forward and two steps back. As I’ve grown into a more complicated person, I’ve realized more about myself. Mainly, that I am much more than I appear to be.
The toughest part of writing this blog, is that I can’t come up with anything to say about myself. No matter how much introspection I do, I keep coming to one simple conclusion. I am nothing more than what other people think I am. My personality and actions are based on a bunch of chemicals. To quote a former blog, “I am whatever you say I am.” So, make me what you want me to be, and I’ll be it.
Meh, I don't think people know who I am.
ReplyDeleteThat's not me being pretentious or anything. I only say that because I don't think I know who I am, and how can other people know me if I don't know myself? It's like that thing about how you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you, or something along those lines. I forget who said that. What else is new.
People know things about me, of course. People know I like tacos, or some people do. I like to read. I'm a pretty okay actor. I hate writing, but I write well anyway. I lust for knowledge. But I feel you can't describe me that way any more than you can describe cake as 'flour, eggs and milk'; that is, it's a technically accurate description, but at the same time there's another level it fails to speak to.
Or maybe I just want to think I'm deep. I dunno. Everybody wants to think they're deep, I think.
Jeez, I don't even know what else to say for this blog. I'm at a loss for words, which doesn't happen often, truthfully. Oh jeez, I forgot to turn off the music. Darn. That's probably it. That's weird, because usually I work in silence in the first place, but I figured I'd try Pandora out tonight because I wanted to see what I could get with Fleet Foxes and Radiohead, but... I digress.
Some people talk about wanting to escape, or to be other people or however you phrase it. I dunno. I've never wanted that, really. I certainly don't have it the best but I have it, and I've already put 17 years into it that haven't killed me yet. Besides, there's just something special about being you, and I wouldn't really want to give that up. I like being me even when I'm unhappy about it, because if I wasn't me what would it matter?
I guess that didn't really make sense, but what can you do?'
Anyway, I think I can outline three basic levels, though this is a bit arbitrary and probably would be subject to massive revision if I really put more thought into it:
The me most people know, rather self explanatory.
The me I know, which has its own perspective and things other people will never know about.
The real me, or true me, or essence of me that people like Buddha only find after a lifetime of searching, and which maybe I'll find someday too.
Schuyler- No more than a person, but no less than a microcosm. I dunno.
I don't think it's bad I don't know who I am, though, I'm not ashamed or whatever. It's not a problem, or anything. It's just something else to figure out eventually.
ReplyDeleteReading this blog topic made me wish I had amnesia, because now I have to think about who I am. I’m really not a person of interest, at least not to most people. Do other people know who I am? Well I’d say quite a few people know OF me, but I can’t assume all of them really KNOW me. We often see ourselves as the people we tend to be or want to be. The vibe I want to give off is that of an honest, polite, sympathetic, and helpful person. Whether I accomplish this goal is up to the people that claim to know me. What I’m really boiling down to is that I can’t really say I exactly know who I am. I never considered myself to be in any sort of identity crisis, but I wouldn’t rule it out.
ReplyDeleteNobody will truly know everything about me, just as I will never learn every aspect of someone else’s life. We all have dark secrets of the past that influenced who we are today, and those dark secrets can remain hidden from everyone without any drastic repercussions. It’s rather like a state function: only the product of the process matters, not the path taken to get the product. We are who we presently are, not who we were. Using a simile with a science term is probably not the best way of expressing my thought, but that’s just how it came to my mind.
I don’t really think it matters to anyone else who I think I am. It only matters to him/her what he/she thinks of me. It’s all perspective. If I can believe that someone really knows the essence of me, then he or she has the same ideas as my own introspection. If certain people think they know who I am but have different views than me, then they know me differently than I know me. It may not necessarily be wrong, it’s just a different perspective.
Now that I got all of that boring stuff out of the way, I’m going to tell you what I really think of this blog topic. I think it might be a clever trick plotted by the one and only Ms. Bunje. “Beyond names, job titles or academic accomplishments, beyond labels given by yourself or by others, beyond traits and hobbies and virtues... who are you?” This is not the first time I’ve seen something like this. If any of you have seen Anger Management, then you may remember the scene in which Dr. Buddy Rydell uses similar questions to interrogate the protagonist David Buznik in an attempt to arouse anger. Every time David attempts to answer the doctor’s question, the doctor rejects his answer and repeats the question, “Who are you?” Since there is no real way to answer this question without describing traits, hobbies, or anything about oneself, it’s pretty impossible. A person cannot be simply defined in the words of any language. I could be overlooking the blog topic, and I could have come to a ridiculous conclusion, but these are my thoughts.
Despite my skepticism in defining a person in words, I’ll do my best to define myself:
Daniel John Heckmann- the boy you think you know.
I’m not trying to imply that I have a secret criminal life, but that everyone’s life is too detailed for any single person to fully understand. We can always get a general idea of a person, and maybe even more than that, but we’ll never fully understand ourselves or others.
Reference for Anger Management Scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-GV46SUcWs
To Cole: Your canvas metaphor was well said. I don’t think I could have said it any better. Like I said in my post, we are all too detailed to be fully explained or comprehended by anyone. I think I like your first definition of Cole Smith better than your second definition, but to each his own. Finally, I concur with the statement that a person cannot be defined in words, referring back to my Heckmann’s Theorem of Human Complexity (people are too detailed to be defined or comprehended).
ReplyDeleteTo Tom: It’s funny that Cole had the same metaphor, but your Plan B metaphor was pretty good. Like I said in my blog post, we all have an astronomical number of influences on our lives and explaining all of them would be beyond impossible. And just like my “state function” simile, I said that the influences do not matter because the end result is what’s important.
To Ashley: I also said that it is impossible for us to describe ourselves without these traits because they are the only things with which we can describe ourselves with any kind of logic. I also said that the perspective of those who claim to know me may all be different. Although you may live a contradictory life, it may not necessarily define you as a person. Your synonyms were cleverly placed in there, I might add.
As I sit here writing my blog, everyone reading this can probably guess what I am doing. Mac Miller's new album playing softly in the background, call of duty on hold as I sit and write out what I've been thinking all day, tired from a long day of nothing, and slowly drifting into a well-deserved slumber, but can't because I procrastinate. It's safe to say that most people know me. They know me as the smart kid, or the funny kid, or the dumb kid, or the kid they hate. I don't know how people see me, but I think I've made a name for myself around the school and the town. I think I made myself well enough known to have a common perception between people of who I am. However, it is truly that, a perception. No one truly understand or knows what happens in my home life, or what I do when I'm not around my friends or talking to them. No one knows how complicated and serious I can actually be.
ReplyDeleteI have created a very strong personality for myself over the years of school. I guess you could see me as a free spirit; someone not easily angered. You could see me as constantly happy, or carefree and always smiling. You see this in me because that's the way I am at school. I feel life's way too short to be sad or mad about things. Don't live in the past or the future, but the present because you can't changed what happened, and you can't know what will.
Or at least that's how I seem to act.
Truly, I am a man full with love and compassion. I'm sappy, and I'm a sucker for love stories. I'm not a burly guy (obviously), but at the same time, I'm not a momma's boy. I can and will tell you that I cried last night. The reason doesn't need to be shared here, but I cried last night; as well as the night before and the night before that. At home, I'm not the same guy you see at school or when we hang out after school at all. I care a lot about life, I dwell on the past and I am more nervous about the future than anyone else.
Don't get me wrong, who you see in school is still Bobby Kelly. I still love music more than anything in the world and I still have a smile on my face 90% of the time. You just don't see what goes through my head most of the time. That smile can be covering many deep thoughts. I scream....a lot. I scream because I'm half deaf. My ear was hardly attached at birth and I have a hearing issue. This hearing issue leads to people joking with me, and I simply take it. Hell, I take a lot of jokes, Bobby Kelly is one easy dude to mess with. But that will always and forever be a part of who I am, and I have learned to accept that as a part of my true self.
Another thing you may not know about me is I am a man of constant change. I do let people push me around and I am easily changing. I am very self conscious and always feel inadequate to my friends. In this way, I let people push me around too much. In my mind, I know it's unhealthy and wrong, but the rest of my body says, "if your friends accept you, that's all that matters." It's safe to say my mind doesn't like my body sometimes.
Well, if you followed my rambling, I applaud you because if someone else was writing this, I would have no clue where they were going. In a nutshell, I am saying that I am a man-no, a boy who loves music and life, but is also a boy of change and more complex than meets the eye. People only see half of who I am; the half I like. The other half is very sad, and easily angered. This half is kept in confinement because I know if he were released, nothing good would come from it. You want a definition for my name?
Bobby Kelly-the alias for a boy who is more than meets the eye.
The real boy's name is Robert Kelly, and he's a lot deeper than you think.
Schuyler- I envy your uncertainty. The feeling has often plagued me, but you but it into words quite nicely. Also, I always comment on blogs that mention Radiohead, so I had to comment.
ReplyDeleteGeorge- I agree that we are products of who we surround ourselves with. However, I believe that that opinion is looking too much at the large picture. I mean, does who we hang out with really, really change who we are in the simplest form. I think not, but that's just my opinion.
A general comment- We are a defiant bunch, seems as if everyone has decided to listen to music while they write their blog. I love it. Nothing gets me inspired like a little Modest Mouse or some Pink Floyd.
Ted: Oh Mista Price, you so funny. From my perspective, having three separate identities makes you three times the man I happen to be. That, and it's easier for you to commit insurance fraud. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you want to be the best person you can be, pick an identity and stick with it. Hell, merge the three identities into one big meta-Ted for all I care. In any case, some stability and sureness is all one needs to enjoy life.
ReplyDeleteTo George: I always love your blog posts, you are very open and you always seem to go on a different mindset than everyone else. Your blog actually helped me realize who I really am and helped me realize that I am a boy of change as well. (I say boy because none of us are truly men yet). Your post wasn't disappointing at all, in fact quite the opposite. I enjoyed reading it, and I think it really does tell a lot about who you are.
ReplyDeleteTo Connie: Well I think it's safe to say that we have become closer this year and first I'd like to say that you shouldn't fake yourself. Because sometimes, after reading who the "real" Connie is, I have seen her a few times and I had no problem with her. I think you are a very likeable girl, and should never not like yourself for who you are. I understand where you are coming from, truly I do, but I don't like that you said you don't like the real you. I think you should always love yourself and treat yourself with true respect. I went out of my way to read your blog because I was oddly interested in what you would say. Thank you for not disappointing, it was very eye-opining and I felt I can relate; maybe more than you think.
To Cole: First I would like to applaud you on being first post, congrats on that. Honestly, I don't know you that well, so I don't know how I would perceive you. However, I do believe you live your life in complete openness. You don't seem like a person who holds things in to me and you do seem like a very unique person. I think Cole Smith-Cole Smith is the best definition for you. Because as stupid and as much of a joke as this seems to be, it truly does describe you. You are 100% yourself, and in that way, I look up to you.
Hi everyone, just remembered it was Wednesday and this blog was due, classic Garret.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of "Garret"... What is a garret? Actually, garret is a word that is basically a synonym for attic. So i'm an attic, just kidding, probably not the one word I would choose to describe me. Although it is a definition for garret, it's not the definition for Garret.
Garret(noun)- a really fun fellow who seeks fun in every situation and enjoys and thrives in risky, stressful, or last second situations.
People I come in contact with every day know exactly who I am, I really don't change for anybody, so if you know me, you know me. I'm clever, sarcastic, witty, funny, occasionally rude, fun, personable, social, and oddly a little sensitive. I'm this way around my closest friends, my family, peers, teachers, adult figures, anybody really. Some people might view this as disrespectful(Nick T.), but it's me and I'm showing them who I am. I have good relationships with almost every adult figure in my life because I'm personable, rather than a kiss-ass(Nick T.). Oh, and yes, I'd say I know me, I'm quite strong on my beliefs of who I am, forever and always.
I'm really just a teenage kid trying to use up every bit of time he has left in his childhood. I'm stretching it out like a fat kid in spandex. Either you love me or you hate me, oh well, I love me, my family loves me, my close friends love me, I guess that's all that really matters. I'm me.
Nick Murphy - I appreciate your brevity and wit, though you seem to kind of have defined yourself as the things you do, which was what I was kind of avoiding defining myself as in my own mind. But whatever floats your boat. I just thought it was interesting.
ReplyDeleteMichael - Really? When has anybody ever called you gay? I guess I thought I knew you, but I didn't know you well enough to know that other people pretended to know you. I guess there's things everybody assumes is common knowledge or else keeps close to the vest.
Schuyler - I really love your blog post. Sometimes I feel like we don't really know each other all that well. There's definitely some things in there I wouldn't have put.
Ted - Man, I totally feel all of your definitions. I've definitely been each of those people, though in different amounts. And probably some others too.
Tom: Hey Tom, I think that the first thing I need to point out to you is that Everyone calls you Tom instead of an actual nickname because you have made Tom a name that fits you. When I think of “Tom,” even though I know a lot of Toms, you are the first to pop into my head. So don’t think because you haven’t gotten a strong nickname that doesn’t mean you aren’t special.
ReplyDeleteTo Rachel: I completely agree that it is impossible to sum up exactly who we are in one post. We all differ vastly from one another, so it becomes difficult to show where we are coming from. I think that when we’re given our names at birth we are able to make our name mean something in the eyes of others, kind of what I said in my comment on Tom’s.
To Ted (or is it Ted Price or Theodore Price now?): I haven’t really commented on your blogs much yet. I’d have to say that You are absolutely in the right here, I’d like to go on to say that you are capable of more guises if it suited you, like “Big Ted” or “Teddy” or even “Tedward.” You get the picture, hopefully you will one day be known by all as who you want to be though!
Nick T. - As i said this on my blog post, the way you act around adults is a complete mask you wear, I've seen it for awhile now. I really don't think it works in the same effect you think it does, it comes off as robot-like and kinda weird, oh and i guess as i said you're a kiss-ass. Live a little bit dude.
ReplyDeleteMatthew, a.k.a Coach Sandusky- You and your science-y terms, I can't take it, but I can tell you that i'm glad those chemicals have made you the person you've become, but I can tell you and I think I speak for lots of people, you sure have changed, for the better in some ways, and in some other ways maybe not. I love the old matt, I love the new matt, so really doesn't affect me. Love ya dude.
Bobby- I always knew you were a sucker for love, I mean come on listen to those rap lyrics. But don't worry dude, we've all got emotional times, definitely nothing to be ashamed of. Love ya buddy-o. Always by your side.
Garret: I'm not going to turn this post into an argument, but just because you think it's "weird" that I'm respectful towards adults, doesn't mean I'm "fake" about it, or a suck-up. I'm informal around my friends, and the kids I go to school with everyday. Around adults, I'm polite and act formal, even if I'm best friends with an adult. Again, sounds selfish and cocky, but I think it's true. Just because I don't say thank you for when something a friend does for me every time, doesn't mean when I am polite to a teacher, it's a "mask". If anyone else wrote my blog post, you wouldn't mention it at all. But because it was me, you felt the need to attack me. That's all, I've said what I needed to say.
ReplyDeleteMimi:
ReplyDeleteAs always, your post cracks me up. And don't you just love how our deep morning conversations always magically relate to the next blog? Anyway, all your talk about how American culture needs more spark and more passion to be even remotely comparable to African culture makes me really want to go live in Africa. Seriously. You know how I crave to get out of this place and see the world. Unlike you, American culture is all I know. So I can't say I know from experience how much better things are in other places, but I can say that this doesn't cut it for me either. Please, please, please...take me back to Africa with you?
Amber:
I remember having that conversation with you about names. But back then I didn’t agree with, or maybe just didn’t understand, the idea of how names shouldn’t exist. Have you ever read Freakonomics? I think you would enjoy it. Anyway, it contains whole chapter about how people who are given frivolous or outlandish names at birth must struggle for their entire lives just to be taken seriously, and in the end, statistically, have lower paying jobs and higher crime rates. Is society forcing us to into these titles, or is it just too difficult to break through the confines of the titles we give ourselves?
Michael G:
Your post made me really respect you. I mean, I already respected you, but I admire how you just open up like that. I know what you mean about people judging. When they know one or two things, they think they know everything. But since people will always judge no matter what you do or how you live your life, I guess it’s just better to try to ignore it. When it comes to getting good grades, so many people out there will cheat, lie, and squander to get to the top, but I recognize that you’re not like that. It’s such a reputable thing to work hard and honestly for everything you earn in life, and it’s great that you’ve achieved that.
Nick: I attacked you? Right...
ReplyDelete“I am still so naïve; I know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don’t ask me who I am. A passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe?”
ReplyDelete― Sylvia Plath
That quote is just about the first thing I thought of after reading this(these) blog question(s). I feel like that answer could be my own, except it's not. I still have yet to think of a definition that suits me in my own words. I find myself in the words, the actions, the ideas, of others so often. I could relay a dozen poems from Plath and Bukowski and Thoreau that, I feel, illustrate who I am perfectly. Though, I suppose perfect isn't the right word considering the words are still not my own, and my definition will only be perfect when they are.
So here goes.
As of now, I'm a passionate, slightly fragmentary girl. Maybe.
I love easily. I doubt everyone. I lack trust in everyone to the extent I put my utmost confidence in them all because, hey, what do I have to lose?
I care too much and not at all.
I'm indecisive.
Happiness is a mindset.
Anyone can create their own happiness, and that is the most powerful aspect of human beings.
I am not happy.
I am not powerful.
But I'm trying.
Ciara Windsor- An empathetic female specimen who cares about everything while not trusting any of it and is in a constant battle between what she knows is right and how she naturally feels.
"I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between."
-Sylvia Plath