Today in class we talked a bit about choosing your path; how you choose, what motivates those choices etc. We did this in a rather stressful way--by talking about college and your futures. So, let's take a step back and return to the basics of our blog--that is, to allow us the freedom and the courage to roam through our mind.
One of the most important things, I think, about the notion of choices and decisions and such is the fact that, through each choice we make, we, albeit unconsciously, undergo a process of education. We learn something. Whether it be about ourselves, our friends, our loved ones etc, we learn. Sometimes, the paths we choose take us somewhere dark and foreboding; in which case we learn we never want to return there. Other times, our choices transport us to a place of whimsy and euphoria and bliss. When that happens, we want to take meticulous notes on how we may someday return to that same place. (I am speaking metaphorically, here)
Either way, there is both direct and indirect knowledge gained from the decisions we make about the paths we follow. And, as with every bit of education, there is always a test. Again with the tests!
This week, I would like you to think about a time in your life where you were forced to undergo a test of your character due to a choice you made. Or, if you are poised on the precarious precipice of decision now, you can make a prediction about what you are about to experience. What do you think this choice, this path said, says or will say about you? What did you or will you learn? What do you want to learn?
A very irritating yet indelible quality of my persona is extreme indecision. Throughout all the choices I’ve made in life, little to none have been choices made with a firm and ready mind. Every time I’m faced with some sort of fork in the road (or in most cases, a twelve-way intersection), I weigh each option and find great difficulty in finding the most logical/desirable of the bunch. It’s just so hard for me to know what exactly I’m looking for, when any path could lead me in the right direction. What do I truly want? Choice A has more positives than negatives, but choice B could potentially be better… choice C seems nice… ?!?!?! SO CONFUSING.
ReplyDeleteEthically, I can easily weigh a decision and immediately know which option to commit to. The only difficult part of this process, is acting on it. Moments like these are ones that define your character. For a classic example of this, I recall being at the amusement park with my family when I was about ten years old. We were on our way out, walking among those sketchy luck-games strategically placed near park exits and decorously lined with various stuffed animal prizes. Immediately I was drawn to an oversized unicorn play thing (I was ten!) and I begged my mom to allow me to play a round or two. It was the game where you throw pennies onto a tray and they have to land in a certain box. Long story short, I miraculously won and was ready to receive my unicorn prize. All of a sudden, however, I was bombarded with eagerness from my brother, Matt, who had been eyeing the oversized Charzard pokemon play thing, and wanted me to give it to him. I guess I found it fair to give him the prize, because at the end of the night he was walking out victorious. I look back on that decision in reverence because I’m glad my ten-year-old self could display selflessness at such a crucial moment.
Now, it is today, in present, that I’m faced with much more weighty decisions. I’ve wanted a car for some time. In both my older brother and sister’s junior years they received cars and I find that I am just as deserving of the same benefit. I’m clearly at a disadvantage, being third in line and also subject to being a child in a time of economic weakness; however the positives seem to outweigh the negative. I have a job, I’m in sports, and there are often difficulties when getting rides to and from events. Both of my parents have also made points to heighten my expectations and, to put it plainly, get my hopes up. The frustrating part is that when I approach them on the subject, they brush me off complaints about money. I’ve had a few outbursts with them in which I’m called the spoiled brat, but how is it my fault when all they’ve done is feed me empty promises? So I guess my true decision is to either be patient, or pressure them to fulfill everything they’ve told me. Perhaps this is all one big, stupid consideration, but it’s stressful! In the end I hope to find that I don’t feel like I received the car out of force, but because I deserved it. I’d say that I want to learn patience, but I spent the whole second half of this year hearing about when I “might” get the car, and when things “should” be looking good. This is just one of the many problems I’m faced with, and it envelops me!
This is a valid concern, luv, and one we can talk about if you want. However, you didn't answer the question to best of your Connie Capone ability! So---get crackin'!
DeleteOkay, you caught me. I was really trying to avoid the whole "college thing". Truth is that the whole "college thing" is currently the source of most, if not all, of my problems. I don’t know how to prepare, what to prepare for, or if whoever I’m preparing for will even like me. Right now, I’m on the path of how to prepare for my college journey, or actually the application process. I want to know where my niche lies. I want to know where I’ll be truly happy. But what is happiness? And what if I never find it? Do I want to play tennis in college or row? Should I try my hand at both? Am I relying on luck or sheer hard work? I don’t know where to start when it comes to considering colleges because when I start to mull over what I truly want, I find that I barely know myself at all. And that’s a very sad thing. I know I love to write, I love to be the best at what I do, I love competition.. These are the few things I’m sure of. In these next couple months, I want to “find myself” in a way, I want to be surer and less unprepared. In the end, I want to be someone who can stop focusing on her indecision/stress and become fully devoted to a great career and kicking butt at a college sport.
DeleteUnfortunately, I’ve had many encounters where my character has been tested, and of course, I met these challenges with lack-luster decisions. Numerous times I’ve simply put my values or opinions aside, and let others walk all over me, because I never believed that it was worth it to put effort into a particular situation. Sadly, this has left me in the predicament that I am in today; I’ve transformed myself into an insecure bitch-o. My problem is that, I don’t like to include my emotions in my decisions. The times that I have included them in particular choices, didn’t end too well. They’re just too risky. And yet, depending completely on my intellect hasn’t put me in the greatest position either.
ReplyDeleteAnd so I’m here. At 2AM writing this blog, even though my freaking bed time is 9:30PM. You may ask yourself (or not) why are you up so late Nyamekye? What is currently eating at your conscious, making it unable for you to stop your whirring mind? The fact is no other than senior year. Do not get me wrong. I will be the first person out of Oakcrest screaming and jumping for joy. There’s something in me that thinks I’ll be able to get through school next year with applying and what not, and I think I can get through college. The problem is what comes after. Then, structure will be taken away from me. I’ll have a job and maybe even…a life. It’s insane. A life! I can’t even fathom what I’ll do when I have a stable job and can do what I want. Maybe I’ll party. My predicament, thus, lies fully in the fact that I won’t live up to these awesome life plans that I have mapped out. I am a control freak! I have the next 10 years of my life planned out. And yet, there’s that voice in the back of my head that tells me that something will happen and ruin my plans. I know it’s going to happen. Life isn’t going to stop for me just so I can accomplish my dreams. If anything, it will throw everything and the kitchen sink at me to deter me from my path. Hopefully though, after I leave high school and hop aboard the Independence Cruise Line, I’ll be able to enjoy the ride and reach my destination unscathed. The way I handle the next year, with making choices about what college will open the most doors for me, and how I’ll handle the transition to college will either:
A) Prove to me that I can accomplish things and increase my confidence
or
B) Prove that I’m an anxious, nervous-reck that needs mommy and should probably put my dreams on hold until I can get my act together.
I’m hoping for the former, but hey, whatever happens, happens.
In the end, wherever I end up in life, I hope I make it in one piece. I can’t predict the future. I can have a plan and try to accomplish that plan, but it may not completely happen as I visualized it. And right now, I’m okay with that. As much as I scrutinize every decision, with the upcoming choices I’m going to have to make, I’ve decided to relax a little bit, and then maybe I’ll be able to make decisions I’m actually proud of.
Maybe Ill party with you.
DeleteNyamekye knowing you, there will be more plans to follow your ten year plan, and as you go through college your plans for after will become so much more clear. i have no doubt that you will do more than fine.
When I graduate next Summer, I will be able to do something that has been impossible for the past 17.5 years; Get away. I can just imagine myself stepping onto the lawn of a university, waving at my parents goodbye. When this dream comes true, I will finally have the ability to do something previously unfeasible, be alone. When we all go to college, we have face a major choice; How much are my parents going to involved in my college experience? I think my answer will be none.
ReplyDeleteI don’t hate my parents, there has actually been large benefits from growing up in the Schieder household. However, when my parents say goodbye to me at college, they better soak up every damn second of it. It might be there last. Again, I don’t loathe my parents. So why would I cut them off? Because it’s my choice. Bunje said “When you go to college, you can be however you want to be” and in order to do that, I need to sever contact with my parents. I’m hoping that by cutting connections with my parents, I can be the individual man I’ve always wanted to be. I want to find myself, and not be guided by my parents. This choice represents a key attribute of my personality; Individualism. I love to form bonds and relationships with people, but sometimes I want the freedom to be completely alone in the world.
This choice could go very sour. I could wind up homesick and begging for my mommy. But let’s hope that doesn’t happen. Will it piss my parents off? Without a doubt. Might they stop paying the bill? Possibly. To me, it’s worth it to be independent and free to transform myself into who I really want to be.
Recently, my parents have begun to catch onto this trend. Especially due to my love of schools in California. Sometimes they say, “But we’ll never see you” and I return a smirk that says “That’s the point”. According to my plan, I may never see my parents for a very long time after I move out. By doing so, I’ll really understand what it means to be an individual. I’m hoping that by burning the bridges of my past, I will learn either who I really am or create the person I want to be. Sorry Mom and Dad, but as long as you’re around, I can’t be myself.
your brutal honesty is wonderful. I really hope that something like your parents ceasing to pay for you to go to school doesn't happen because it is so clear how much you want to get away, and although my want to leave doesn't burn as passionately I know exactly where you're coming from and good for you!
DeleteI completely agree with Olivia there, something tells me that your parents will catch on to your want to be an individual. If I were your parents, I would endorse that, maybe even encourage you to travel abroad. If your parents support you as much as I assume they do, then you'll be fine.
DeleteGeorge...you, me, Germany...after college. Trust me, your not the only one that wants to nealry sever ties with family when we go to college. I don;t relate to basicaly anyone in my family and I;m either constrained by polarizing personal beliefs or nonsense. When I go to college, the shouldn;t expect me back for many holidays or expect a phone call every week. College, though forebodinng, has been the time I've always yearned for, so I say the hell with it all, do what you want. I 100 percent agree George, go for it.
DeleteGeorge, we're going to Amsterdam. Anyway, the make or break aspect for college for many of us will be the separation from home. Some people will deal very will with it, and others won't. I think you'll do quite well.
DeleteOliva described this perfectly. Your brutal honesty is incredible. It's also respectable. I feel bad for your parents honestly, but at the same time, I can agree with what you're saying. Getting away is something I've always wanted to do. I can't wait for college either. Senior trip!
DeletePosting as GARRET- I don't really like to think the way you do and especially not in this blog. After all your parents have done to get you in the position you're in now, I cant fathom how easily you're willing to kick them to the curb. Guess it's the difference between me and you.
DeleteWhen I think of this question the first thing that comes to my head is distress, because immediately when I hear this question, and I feel like I’ve been asked this several times, the answer is supposed to be something along the lines of “tell the story about the time you had to doge a bullet for your friend and you didn’t.” Except I don’t have any of those stories so initially I’m like “uhh” but I’m glad that the whole discussion of college was brought up because I’ve thought about that whole thing, or I should say, worried and torn my hair out over that whole thing for many long hours.
ReplyDeleteThe real test of my character, I think, actually comes with the implications and my reaction to the stress of having to make a decision like this. College is without a doubt one of the most stressful things that I have ever had to think about because I am so worried about making the wrong choice and putting myself in a school or situation I don’t want to be in. But the way I have decided to deal with it is honestly just taking it one step at a time and to not forget what my goal is or the work that I’ve already done.
So I feel like the educational journey I’m taking is one that’s leading me from a place of worry, distress, and doubt, to a place where imp more confident in myself and in my mindset so that I can make and be confident in my decisions. Can I also just say that a big part in this journey is the fact that I have adopted the “I do what I want” mentality in which I this crazy thing where I almost completely disregard the opinions of those who have done nothing but give me grief, and so far its going well.
Going back to the original question, I think that if I keep going with the same mentality I am I will find myself in a situation where people around me may not be thrilled, but one that I am very satisfied with, which is comforting for me. This experience will be a liberating one for me, because for the first time in my life I’m doing exactly what I want, without the intervention of my parents.
The fact that I’m on this path says that I’m ready for a change in my life and that I’m ready to embrace whatever consequences come with that and that I will be able to handle them and understand that it will be ok. Ideally I would learn that I’m as capable if not more than capable enough to make and handle my own decisions as well as or better than I think I can.
Yea that’d be great, all in all though I’m excited and no matter what happens I think it will end up being for the better.
Olivia, I think that no matter where you go you'll be able to find a place that you're comfortable in. You seem comfortable with drama type people, which is good because all you have to do to find them is find the loudest group of people that consists of someone wearing a jeff cap or a fedora. It seems that a lot of us are on this path where we need to exclude parental consent otherwise we'll get no where.
DeleteFor the longest time I had literally no inkling as to what I wanted to do for a living—not even my major, let alone a college. On the topic of college, I have become one of those people that always push and push and push away the responsibility of searching for what I wanted to be in life. I thought about being an accountant, a teacher, an engineer, anything with math involved. Then, one day, I thought, “what if I chose something that didn’t have as much math involved, and, more importantly, would I still be happy?” This is a big question for me because I prefer to have absolutes and direct answers. Without these, I feel like my logic is bare and I am making the wrong decision. That’s when nursing came to mind. More specifically, a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA), which is pretty much a fancy term for someone that needs permission from a physician to use anesthesia. I decided that this job would be extremely suitable for me because I get to help people all the time, the hours are decent (especially compared to regular doctors), some math is involved, I get to be closer to the patients than other doctors, and I can get a feeling of responsibility.
ReplyDeleteSo, I’ve decided that I am going to go to school and major in Nursing to fulfill this new dream of mine. However, I have trepidation going straight into a career field because my sister was going to go to a special college for fashion design, but, with the advice from my brilliant mother, decided to go to a school with a greater array of majors. As if my mom predicted the future, my sister ended up not liking the fashion design major and switching to a shiny new major called “Product Design”, an invention of Drexel University. This sudden change of major makes me afraid that I will waste time and money on a career that I will never like, but in the back of my mind I know that this is the right major to go for. It’s just a hunch, but life’s made of these weird little hunches.
What I’ve learned about myself is that I make decisions based on my gut (despite the need for quantitative data), I seek the advice of others as much (if not more) as I make big decisions on my own, and I believe that college is what molds you into who you become as an adult and adjusts how you live your life later on. The path I’m going down is constantly turning like a Nascar track, except I don’t know where I’m going (unlike a Nascar track), but that’s not all bad when I have me, my family, and my friends to help me choose what’s best for me. They probably know me better than I do. I’m not saying I’m leaving all the decisions up to others, but I definitely like feedback from those that know me best. Choosing a college may be a test, but I’m pretty sure that it’s an open book test that I can use my cheat sheets on, so my buddies and family can look over my shoulder and tell me when I make a mistake. I’m not necessarily looking for the road least traveled by, but the road that I can travel on with the best of my abilities.
Tom:
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of knowing that we're all going to be going through the college thing together. If it wasn't that way, I don't think I would be able to do it myself. Anyways, I admire how you were able to find a job that was not only stable, but would be something that you would like. I seem to be having trouble with finding a job that I'd actually like. There are many stable jobs out there, I'm just not sure I want to do them :/
George:
As always, I love your mentality when it comes to change, and moving on after high school. Though I think about going to college in California, the one thing holding me back is how it would affect my parents. Even though I think you should definitely separate yourself from your parents, I don't think you should ever cut ties with them. I mean, they are your parents. That would seem a little harsh. But hey, do what you gotta do to find George.
Livi;
As stressful as the college decision making process is, I don't think you should doubt yourself. As you said, the mentality that you've recently adopted is going to work wonders for you when it comes to making a decision. Because at least you know that it will be your decision and your decision only.
Ahhh decisions! It would be nearly… no wait, it would be impossible to list all of the decisions that I’ve made. Every day we choose to do everything it is that we do. Consequently we choose to not do what it is we don’t do. Now these decisions can be chiseled down to choices that test character. That’s a tough question. I have a horrid memory with everyday situations so: a test of character that stands out in my mind. Since I saw pretty much every mention “college” in their responses as I was scrolling up, I will mention my career choice.
ReplyDeleteFor as long as I can remember I have wanted to go into forensics. This was a sound decision that I made one day when I was probably about ten or twelve years old; and it still stands today. I made the biggest decision of my life more than five years ago. For a while I thought about going into pharmaceutics or anesthesiology like my parent wanted, but I always came back to forensics. Even if I go through college, get certified and hate my life, I will go into the profession one day or another.
From this I hope to learn who I really am. Sitting in a lab while looking at blood samples from a murder sound like a crazy place to “find one’s self” I know. But like any career you hear “things” in the lab. I hope that learning about different cases and motives and murders and how people act will one day wake me up. I am highly interested ini why people do the things they do. By going into forensics I can see both the “good” and the “bad” sides of society.
I know that choosing a career isn’t a light topic. Why the hell would I pay thousands and thousands of dollars to get a degree in something like microbiology if I want to be a music instructor? I also know that life changes people and people change life. A lot has changed in my life over the last few years. The one thing that has remained constant was my desire to become a forensic scientist. I don’t know what that decision says about me and quite frankly, I don’t give a damn. I am not here to please my parents, as you can tell by my choice to go into forensics rather than medicine, or my teachers, or my friends. I am here to please myself with a steadfast decision I made some five years ago.
I think your post speaks to some truth about humanity, or maybe I'm just foaming-at-the-mouth crazy. But here goes:
DeleteIf you're determined that your decision could be wrong, you'll find a way to make it wrong.
In the end, I guess it's best to stick to your guns because if you're determined to find regrets, you will.
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ReplyDeleteI’ve never been much of a soda drinker, but I like iced tea. I’ve mentioned this in an occasional paper before, but I used to buy cans of Snapple at lunch every day. The ice cold beverage was my favorite part of lunch. Then when they got rid of the lemon-flavored Snapple, I began drinking the Arizona iced tea at lunch. I like lemon Snapple more but the transition wasn’t difficult. One day this year, I decided not to buy Arizona Iced Tea anymore because of the high content of high fructose corn syrup. By the way, I recently read an article in which a study found that high fructose corny syrup can slow down your brain. Anyway, my mother gave me a dollar and a quarter every morning so that I could pay for a drink for lunch. I informed her of my decision to no longer drink Arizona, and she said okay. Despite this information, she gave me a dollar and a quarter the very next morning. I didn’t say anything. For the next few weeks, I didn’t say anything. I felt justified in taking the money because she gives David more money to buy his lunch while I bring my own lunch, and I know that I told her I wouldn’t buy it anymore. After accumulating so many dollar bills and quarters, I had enough money to buy a video game off the Internet. My mom let me use her credit card to buy the game and I paid her using the money she gave me over the past few weeks. I had money from before, but most of the money included those single dollar bills and eleven dollars’ worth of quarters.
ReplyDeleteI could not decide if I was really justified or not. I think I ended up making excuses for being justified so I could meet my own selfish ends. Anyway, about a week or two ago, while giving me my lunch and money to pack she said, “You don’t really buy iced tea at lunch, do you?” I don’t remember my reply but then she mentioned that I had paid her with a lot of quarters. So I said, “Well sometimes I don’t buy a drink and sometimes I do,” which is true. I rarely buy the Arizona Tea because of the high fructose corn syrup but sometimes I can’t resist the ice cold beverage.
My decision to save up the money and spend it on a video game put me in the position which tested my character. Unfortunately, this is one of those times where I failed to use good character in response to the consequences. I’ve never really been sure what a white lie is, but I think that might be one. It was true that I sometimes bought and I sometimes didn’t buy iced tea, but the truth I held back was that I ended up not buying the iced tea more than buying it. I tried to think of a choice where my good character prevailed, but like Robert Greene might suggest, I should occasionally embrace my dark side. However, I will embrace my dark side in order to attempt to diminish it, which I don’t think Greene suggests. That being said, I think this decision shows that I am far from perfect. I know I’m never going to be perfect, and I’m never going to get close. I learned that white lies are probably just as bad as regular lies, which I definitely do avoid. And now I should avoid both. I like to think of myself as an honest individual, and I hope to move past this and continue to think so.
Dan, if this is the worst of your problems, then you are golden. As far as I'm concerned you never lied because you told her that you weren't buying the drink anymore and she continued to give her money. What I consider doing though, if you haven't done so, is to tell her to stop giving you money, I think that that is fair.
DeleteDan, I think you worrying and pondering over this ordeal affirms that you are a good person. Like not just in the general sense, but truly a good person. I don't even know if you'll have problems making decisions in the college and future environments...I feel as though you are the kind of person that will more often than not always shine through with good character. I have no doubt in believing that your good character will prevail when things matter most. Times will get tough as they always do when we are off on our own, but you'll do just fine.
DeleteDan, I think if you worrying and pondering over this ordeal is the worst of your problems, then you are golden and a good person. Now that I'm done piece-mealing a sentence from other comments, it's on to my original comment. Honestly, Dan, I'm picking up what you're laying down. I've been there, with the snack money and what not. Sometimes I would tell my parents I didn't need it, and sometimes I wouldn't. And I've spent snack money on video games. It's a simple, and yet significant test of character that actually doesn't have very much consequences. But it's also a good lesson on how to budget money, and save up for something you want. So you get a good test and a good lesson. That's pretty swell.
DeleteDan, I really like iced tea. I understand completely. Iced tea is hard to give up for anything. I hope your game was worth your lack of iced tea
DeleteGeorge: I also doubt that my parents will have any decisioin in my college life. One of the reasons for that is because my parents want me to go into medicine (not my bag of oranges!). Another reason is that I want to go to college in England which is ya know on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. I believe that college is the time for parents to let go and you shouldn't be sorry for that!
ReplyDeleteTom: I love that you want to be a CRNA! That's completely not what I would expect you to want. I think I'm stuck back in the accountant days!I wish you all the best as we continue move into one of the most important stages of our lives: college.
Mimi: During yet another one (well many) of our latin/lang conversations, we discussed leaving. I know just by lookiing at your face that you are filled with emotion when talking about college. One thing you always say though is that you can't wait to leave. I'm right there with you. My dream school is in England so... yeah! I can't wait to move into the chapter of my life. I can't ensure that you will be a millionaire with a big house and a fancy car, but I will tell you that whatever it is you choose to do, you will be happy!
I would like to think that I’m a happy kid. I definitely used to be. Those times have been flickering in and out of my life recently though. I don’t really understand why though. I don’t feel as if I’m much different than I used to be. I’m in the same state as I was last year only I’m older, and last year I was happy. I guess that I don’t like being older. Being older means that I’m closer to having to make more decisions. Not only are these choices more numerous, but they are also more critical.
ReplyDeleteOne of the main reasons why I’m starting to think that I’m a bit upset is because of a particular choice that I’ve made before and that I’m going to have to go through again. Through all of my previous blog posts, it is easy to figure out that drama is a huge part of my life. It is one of the things that I care about most. So much, actually, that I was willing to lose all of my study time for the last vocab test of the year so that I could put a lot of effort into the senior video for drama.
The decision that I’ve had to make before and the decision in which looms upon the horizon for me is that of how hard I will fight for my ability to partake in what I love and to what extent I’ll partake in it. I believed I mentioned this before, but for those who haven’t had the chance to read that post, my mom hasn’t always been the strongest supporter of the arts for me and neither has my sister. They both (recently it has been my sister more so) consider drama to be a burden on them because of the nights that they need to pick me up from school. In all honesty, I don’t understand where they come from with that perspective. Even though drama takes up a good part of my life, I still work harder around the house than both of them combined and they do not really have to give me rides THAT much. Thanks to Mikey Black, the buses, and occasionally Mrs. Tunney, my family doesn’t really need to give me rides home too often. The part that really makes me angry is that my whole life I’ve had to go around to the pageants that my sister did when she was younger, or the horse shows/lessons she participated in, not to mention I’ve had to follow my sister all over America whenever she had a gymnastics meet. Every single one of these things that my sister has done throughout her life are expensive. Drama only ever costs me an ad in the playbill and occasionally another small expense. Yet, I’m the burden.
Sorry for the long back story, but I figured that the only way to truly understand the battle I have is to show why it occurs in the first place.
So far in my life, I’ve fought. I’ve fought hard. I love theatre and I love the stage more than anywhere else in the world. I feel at home there. What’s more, I’ve gotten to enjoy a lot of different aspects of theatre through my years in Oakcrest. I’ve acted, built sets, made costumes, directed, stage managed, painted, I’ve done it all. I’ve gone from ensemble roles to principle parts. Next year I might even be able to co-direct a show at Hess with Mrs. Tunney. Drama has become my passion. It is the one thing that I know that I would be content doing my whole life if given the opportunity.
ReplyDeleteThat’s where decisions come into play now. College is just around the corner. I know that I can’t major in theatre or anything to that nature because colleges can’t teach talent. They can only hone it. If I do have any talent in that field I don’t believe it’s in acting. I consider myself a great director and a mediocre actor. I’ve just been getting a bit better with acting and dancing this past year. I wish that I could one day become a director and/or be in a show or two with a professional troupe. I wish that I could spend my whole life writing plays and one day win a Tony. I wish that I could be the mastermind behind an elaborate Broadway set and create the next innovative stage tactic. This would make me happy.
But here’s the thing, I’m going to school for the sciences. I have to have some type of fall back in case I don’t become a great director. The problem arises with whether or not I have the time to do both in my life, especially if I become a doctor. I just don’t know anymore. I haven’t 100% decided what I’m going to do yet, I figure that I don’t need to make that decision as of right now. I would like to say that if opportunity arrises that I’d follow what I love. I guess character wise, this shows that as long as I’m financially stable, I don’t care about money. It also shows that I’d follow my passion as far as possible. I don’t know what I would learn from all this either way that the domino falls, because if I end up spending more time in the sciences and losing focus on theatre, then I’d have to learn to be miserable, if the other occurs, then I’d have to learn to be frugal and resourceful. Frankly, I want to learn that I’m right about my ability to become something great and that drama hasn’t been a waste of time for me.
Mike, please don't give up on your dreams ever. I've come to realize I have a certain hate for the system when it comes to "what were supposed to do" and it is almost always make money. You are so good at math and science, so I don't want to question your decision to follow that field, but don't give up on the options that could lead you back to the theatre. And if it comes down to it you can always come back to it, the theatre will always be there and it's never too late to get back with it.
DeleteWell, it only becomes too late to come back to it if the one takes up too much time that I never get to go back. I also don't want to miss any opportunities while I'm young that could better me off. So I'm somewhat stuck. Hopefully when I go to college I will be able to find a nice balance and do both, and do both well. But thanks Olivia!
DeleteI absolutely knew this would be your topic. From what I know about you and just picking up the vibes so to speak...I've got a feeling tha your not sold on the doctor thing. My suggestion is go into something else less time consuming that you still might like as a major so that you can still enjoy the arts, becasue deep down I think both you and I know that the arts is what your heart and soul yearns for. But as always, you'll find a way to juggle everything in the end...you always surpise me.
DeleteMikey: I wanted to tell you this in person, but I'll do it here. You have to learn to do what you want. If being on stage is what you want then go there. Who the fuck cares about what your parents want or what you're expected to do. This is your only life Mikey. Enjoy it. If they come back and say that they are only paying for you to go to school to be a nurosurgeon or whatever than go get a student loan. Live the rest of your life in debt. Who the fuck cares about being in debt when you die. During your life, if you spend the money you do have wisely, you'll be perfectly okay. Do you think I do what my parents want? HA! That's a joke. I know we are completely different people with different pasts and ambitions, but Mikey you really need to do what you want. From recent conversations and this blog you want to go into the Arts. Do it...
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean Janel, it's just that I don't think that studying theatre for me would be wise, I can learn everything I want on my own time, but then I don't know if my major and my job that I use to fall back on will take away too much time from theatre
DeleteTrue, you can always learn what you want in your spare time. However, if your fall back takes too much time out of your ppassioiin, then you need to find a new fall back. I probably sound like an asshole right now, but I don't mean to. I have a very, sort of concrete way of looking at life, especially working. If you don't like it, find something that you do like, and then do that. If you do come to a point that you go to your "fallback" and you aren't happy then you need to change scenes. There will always be college to get a new degree, there will always be jobs available, etc. etc. Post Scriptum You need to stop worrying so much. You're going to make yourself sick.
DeleteStory time.
ReplyDeleteTo me, a “test of character” can only be defined as a moment of extreme stress and panic, in which a person holds himself or herself at a sort of mental gunpoint. It’s a fleeting battle between good conscience (disguised as morality) and bad conscience (disguised as common sense), and a mundane one at that, since – for me, at least – it’s usually obvious which side will win out. Necessarily, when something of relatively low intrinsic value, but high social value – like a dropped wallet or a lost child, for instance – is at the mercy of my moral decision-making, I’m likely to bite the bullet and take the high road, for the sake of “doing the right thing” and simply because I don’t lose anything in the process. On the other hand, if something of extreme personal value is at stake – like a grade on a vocabulary test – I’m prone to allow my bad conscience to take control, even in the face of extreme risk. This I allow only for the sake of personal gain, which arises from the fact that:
a) I am a greedy bastard,
b) I don’t think things through,
c) I am willing to succeed by any means necessary, and
d) I don’t compromise under any circumstances.
So I’ll just come out and say what I need to say, because there’s no point in mincing words when something as important (to me, anyway) as this is on the line.
Continued...
Would you like to know where my recent escapades with a “test (pun intended) of character” got me? Deep. Freaking. Doody. Yes, I recognize that everything that happened that day was my own damned fault, and I take full responsibility for the actions I committed and the transgressions that I inadvertently directed at Ms. Bunje and the rest of the class. It’s not enough to say I’m sorry; it will never be enough to say I’m sorry. “Sorry” is an excuse, not a defense. And I would never be able to live with myself if I let my high school career be defined by excuses.
ReplyDeleteWould you like to know what this “path I’ve chosen” says about me? Of course you don’t. The kinds of people who would just as soon call out a fellow student for succumbing to weakness in a time of extreme stress couldn’t possibly care less about said fellow student’s moral convictions. Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad that we have kids in our generation who are willing to look past social norms in order to “keep the status quo” and maintain order in an increasingly chaotic and dynamic world. I have no gripes against those who some would call “teacher’s pets”, “rats”, “snitches”, and the like. I can’t say for sure whether anyone snitched on *me*, but I certainly wouldn’t blame him or her for his or her decision.
For I know that said decision was simply a result of a test of character, in which the high road was taken in lieu of allowing chaos to continue. And for that, I commend you.
Anyway, for those who would like to know what my decision says about me, I kindly instruct the lot of you to see items a through d listed above.
Would you like to know what I’ve learned? I’ve learned exactly how passive-aggressive people can be. I’ve learned to never trust myself in times of peril. I’ve learned that there’s nothing wrong with making stupid decisions, as long as you don’t get caught. I’ve learned that crying is okay, as long as it helps you to maintain your alibi. I’ve learned that morality is subjective. I’ve learned that you can’t talk your way out of everything. Most of all, I’ve learned that there are no excuses meaningful enough, no explanations powerful enough, to dig yourself out of a hole you’ve been slowly sinking into ever since September.
I want to learn why, after twelve years in the school system, I still haven’t figured this shit out. Why do I continue to hinder myself the way I do? Why do I let my primal instincts get the best of me when I should be able to rely on the common sense I’ve spent years accumulating on the field of battle?
Why, God, do I look myself in the mirror every night and feel satisfied, and wake up the next morning feeling scared, depressed, and universally alone in my inability to make sense of my own world?
And what the hell am I going to do when I get to college?
Nick, your blog scares me. I don't know why, but I'm really nervous now. I can try to tackle the "why" though. Your blog is so blunt and honest, but that isn't the essence of why it scares me. Lately, I've been tired of stuff. Not in a "tired of life, time to kill myself" way. Just tired of the things I'm doing. And your blog spoke to the part of me that's waiting for all the apathy to take over, while I'm still struggling to get things done, to do work, to take action. I'm terrified that that'll happen, but when it does, I won't care, which is the most frightening part of all.
DeleteWell, there's an important decision I have to make now... You see, I'm extremely tired and I can't decide on whether I should finish this blog or fall asleep. Hmmmm... I shall finish after my nap.
ReplyDeleteGodspeed.
DeleteYou should probably get on that now, it's getting kind of late. And if you're still asleep, goodnight.
DeleteI am probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet. I’m always deciding between at least three different choices at all times. Some of simple like the ones that occur in a restaurant. “What do I want for dinner?” There is always the healthy food choice, the food-that-I-wouldn’t-necessarily-eat-somewhere-else-choice, my-favorite-food-choice, and the let’s-try-something-new food. Basically I’m always the last person to order. Then there are questions like, “What do I wear today?” Those are pretty simple and won’t probably rearrange your entire life, but some can. Like, “Where the heck do I go to college?” “What classes do I take next year?” “Where do I want to live?” “What do I want to do with the rest of my life?” No matter who you are or where you come from, you are always making decisions, big and small.
ReplyDeleteWhen I make decisions, mostly the big ones, I sort of take on a mindset of an 85-year-old. I think about me as an old lady looking back on my life. This helps a lot. For instance, there are some Saturday mornings when I just want to sleep in and not worry about anything else, but my mom has asked me to go grocery shopping with her. Do I catch those extra few hours of sleep which I want? Or do I get up and go grocery shopping with her? Most of the time I will choose to go grocery shopping. I know she won’t be around forever and one day I’ll regret the fact that I didn’t sacrifice a few hours of sleep to spend a few more hours with my mom. In Saving Private Ryan, the soldier was thinking about the time when he would pretend to be asleep so he didn’t have to talk to his mom reminds me a lot about my own life. I used to do the same exact thing when I was younger, probably middle school age. I couldn’t stand getting up in the morning, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to my parents, mostly my mother. I don’t do it anymore because once I got to high school I took on that 85-year-old outlook. I realized everything I have now is one day going to be gone. I also make decisions to please myself. It’s my life I’m living, not someone else’s. My opinion should be the one that matters most to me. I try to make sure I keep that in mind when making the bigger decisions in my life. By no means does this mean that I blow off everyone’s opinion and only worry about myself. I take the opinions of the important people in my life into account. My dad’s views hold a lot of weight with me, so do my best friend’s. But overall, I put my own feelings first, while still keeping the important people’s beliefs in mind.
What does this say about me? Well it says I really hate regret and try to avoid it as much as possible. I make plenty of mistakes, but I try not to regret as much as possible. It also means that I care about certain people a great deal and always keep them in mind. I trust them to protect me and give awesome advice, so why shouldn’t I think about them? Granted, these two scenarios I gave so far were very small in the grand scheme of my life, past, present, and future, but I adopt this attitude towards many of the things in my life. I just can’t think of any big decisions on the top of my mind. I know I have a few big ones in my looming future. There is college of course and a major and a job and where I want to live and other various scary things so think about. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to learn when I make these choices, but I really hope I figure it out by the time I graduate from college. I have a decent idea of what I don’t want to do, so that helps. It pushes me in the other direction. Just some of the classes as Oakcrest have made me realize what I definitely could not imagine doing for the rest of my life. I think what happens will happen, and eventually I’ll come out a better person because of it.
ReplyDeleteBobby Kelly also taught me a pretty good trick a few weeks ago actually when coming to choices. He said to flip a coin. At first I thought this was ridiculous, to leave big decisions up to chance. Then he explained that I make one side of the coin one option and to make the other choice the opposite. Then he said to flip it. You’ll realize in the second that the coin lands what you really want to do. You’ll either be happy and go with the side that the coin landed on or you’ll feel a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. If you have that terrible feeling, you’ll know to choose the other side. If you’re reading this Bobby (which I doubt you are) thank you. It’s helped a lot. I used to make lists in which I put the qualities of what I’m looking for in a middle column and then I’d make columns on each side of the “quality column” and then I’d go down and check off what choice gave me the most from each quality. Then whatever had the most checkmarks by the end would be the choice I followed. It didn’t always work though because I would sometimes wish I had chose the other choice because I wasn’t really happy with which one had more checkmarks. I wouldn’t change my mind though because I needed to have the structure of the lists and the checkmarks and the categories and the organization. I stopped doing it last year I think. Now I just go with my gut and it seems to work out better.
I can relate. Agonizing over decisions is basically the bane of my existence. Bobby's trick is a neat one, but I don't know if I could ever try it, because I trust my own instincts less than the bare chance of a coin flip. Maybe I'll try it though, if it worked for you it might work for me.
DeleteI'm glad you understood my point. It's not entirely my idea, I forgot where I stole that from, but I love that idea so much. I basically live by that. I flip a coin for a lot of decisions. It's a great trick.
DeleteI'm pretty sure that's from a guy I like to call two-face from The Dark Knight, Bobby might like to say he came up with it, but don't be fooled by his boyish charm.
DeleteOh and that one up there is from GARRET!
DeleteMike G: Please keep doing drama. I really think it's awesome that you put so much hard work into it and I don't think you should ever have to sacrifice your love for the stage. It's a really cool thing to be passionate about. Don't ever let that go and don't listen to people who tell you otherwise. By the way, your One Act was great! (:
ReplyDeletePersonally speaking, I firmly believe that to predict destiny is unreasonable and a bit ludicrous. It’s not that I don’t believe that one can make a concerted effort to mold their future; but I realize that anything can happen and change one’s course in an instant. The prime example is college related, and of course I am speaking to one’s indecisiveness when it comes to choosing a major or even a minor. Right now I am sitting here thinking that I will go one to become a chemical engineer with a minor in German language. But that belief could easily take a turn in a completely different direction. If I were going off sheer desire to major in anything, it would be robotic/electrical engineering or maybe even law. But, part of wading through the murkiness of the future is just as simple as strapping yourself in and waiting until the ride is over. We do not know what twists and turns are ahead for us on our track. And there is no feasible way of knowing until one legitimately makes it to that point. We might think our path will bend one way, when in fact it forks off in another direction entirely. So, with all this said, I offer my honesty in that I can’t recall any specific moment or spectacle that challenged my character to a massive extent. I would like to think of my life as a puzzle in progress of being solved—where each piece is symbolic of a minor occurrence that may have altered my thinking or evaluated my character in a slight manner. Sure there might be those moments where a large amount of pieces seem to fall into place in one sector, but I feel like those moments are yet to come. Right now I feel as if all I’ve done is framed out the sides and added in a few distinct portions of the puzzle. I know that most of this puzzle will be filled out as I begin filling out my life—and I’ve got a lot of life left.
ReplyDeleteI must admit, the whole college ordeal has been the root of a vast glut of stress that always seems to make its way around to me every now and again. I’ve never filled out a college application. I’ve never gone over all the nuances of the financial portion of college. And I’ve never even asked if I’m happy with where I am in this process. I’ve got a mind for where I would like to go and I’ve identified my capabilities, but where exactly do I go from now? Just looking around, some people make the process appear simpler than it is, and some people are just hopeless. I’ve visited most of my primary colleges, and done my due diligence on a fair amount of them, but after that I find myself lost in the college application crossroads. Perhaps one of my greatest fears that I don’t often consider is the possibility of not getting into any of my top choices. And I don’t know why, but that concept is near-frightening for me. It’s not that I have “helicopter parents”, because I don’t, but I feel that I would just let myself down primarily. I’ve got great expectations for myself as I’m sure most of you do for yourselves. So, I believe the prospect of the future is more stressful and uncertain than it is for some other people. It’s really just a matter of being content, and knowing the level of gratification that we will meet in the future is utterly unknown.
All and all, I see college being one of those periods that will test my character to great limits. Of course this all comes back to my unknowingness of the actual college experience. I feel right now as if any minor decision could end up either paying huge dividends or completely screw something up for me when I get into college. Decisiveness will surely be key, and I need to start thinking about my needs versus my wants when it comes to that time. Going to a party or goofing off in any other manner could end up being one of those risks that might majorly bite me in the ass so to speak. The whole point of all of this is that college will be the ultimate test of character for not only me, but for many of you. But at this point we may as well all buckle in, go along for the ride, and see where we go.
Exactly, "buckle in, go along for the ride" is the mentality I, and it seems a lot of us, need. The moment you start wondering "how do I know what I really want?" is the moment you need to stop thinking. Stop trying to "find yourself," or "get to know yourself better" and just trust that you know what's best and you're just going to buckle in and commit to something. The end.
DeleteYou see, I think we're all feeling the same thing about college. We all think there's someone who's got it all figured out, while we all know there must be someone who knows less than we do. In the end, it's really just a question of how much you'll force yourself to do with the college stuff.
DeleteTo James: I see what you did there, you clever boy you.
This is a continuation of my own blog that I wanted to add…
ReplyDeleteI absolutely can’t wait until this summer. It’s not because I want to be done with work or something along with what I’m usually feeling every early June. This summer I’m searching for answers. A lot of them. Lately I feel like I’m sort of floating along and not really doing anything. I feel like my life is pointless right now. I’m not doing what I like to do. I’m not impacting someone’s life in any grand way. I’m not changing the world. I don’t want to leave for college but at the same time I want to get away. I just can’t figure it out. I feel like I’m free falling and there is no one here to catch me. So I really just want to explore a lot of different things this summer. This might be a little unrelated, but I want to find those answers to the questions that have been haunting me. Like where am I going to college? What am I even doing with my life? Why the hell am I even here? Big nonthreatening questions like that. I’m freaked out. I’m not comfortable with where I am, but I don’t have as much of a burning passion to leave like some other people do. I feel like the decisions I make this summer will change the rest of my life, and I’m not really as frightened as I was before. I am still timid and I have some freak outs here and there, but it doesn’t seem as unwelcome as it used to be. I want to meet some new people and do some new things and I’m hoping this summer I go on some adventures and figure some of these answers out. Hey, maybe next September I’ll be completely different. I wouldn’t count on that though. There might be some tweaks and some improvements, but I think I’ll always stay me at heart. I don’t ever want to lose who I am and change so much that no one recognizes me. But a few modifications don’t really hurt anyone.
Tom:
ReplyDeleteFor the majority of my life, I've had no idea what to do when I grow up. I assumed I could just go to college and major in "college". Then, there would be a cushy job waiting for me at the end of the tunnel, in which I could make a substantial living for the rest of eternity. Unfortunately, this is the dogma of a religion called "Wishful Thinking". Following my recent conversion to "Welcome-to the-Real-World-ism", I'm beginning to see the light of the path you now walk. Career opportunities are great, but I want to make sure I'm going into the right line of work first.
Nyamekye:
Submissiveness? Insecurity? Insomnia? Been there, done that. I'm no stranger to psychological baggage, but I have a feeling that if I was in the top 10 (like a certain someone), I'd be much less worried about where I'm going in life. At some point in our lives, we're all going to reach our breaking point: a moment where we're all like "Whoa. I don't think I can do this whole 'adult' thing." And that's a good thing. If anything, wanting to cry out in fear proves that we still have the ability to reason; being imperfect is something intrinsic in all human beings. Follow this mantra: There's no such thing as someone who knows exactly what they're going to do when they get out of high school.
Mike G:
You're on your way to do great things. For you, invention and creativity are not responsibilities; they're inevitabilities. Your passions can take you to mind-boggling places, be they rooted in drama or brain surgery. In short, do what you like. I mean you, specifically. You've seen what you can do. We've *all* seen what you can do, Mr. Best Director. Your direction is your own choice, but I trust that your passions will one day lead you back to drama. Maybe you'll write the world's first brain surgery musical! Wait, I think they might have done that on an episode of Scrubs. Yeah, they definitely did. Whatever.
Ted: Your blog was so well written this week (surprise surprise. I hope you know that's a sarcastic tone I just used. Your writing is always fabulous. That was not a sarcastic tone.) Anyway, I really liked what you had to say and I agree with pretty much everything. There is always that choice that we all have to make between desire and what is "more logical." It's a really hard one to make. However, I think you should go with the law or the electrical engineering option. You should do what TED wants to do, not what other people tell you Ted wants to do. One time I told my ex friend what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and they laughed in my face, like outloud without even pretending to hide it and asked "you're joking right?" That's one of the reasons why we're no longer friends. What I'm trying to say is you shouldn't ever worry about what others think and should go with your heart on what you feel is right. If law and robotics is your thing, then do it! It's your life and you only get one, so enjoy it to the fullest. As a side note, I really loved your talent this morning. So funny (:
ReplyDeleteDan: Aw your story was so cute! I love how you related something so small in the grand scheme of life to your character. It does really tell a lot about you. It does show your honesty and your nobility because it seems as if you did feel guilty afterwards. It was also cool how you related it to what we have been talking about in class. I don't think you really lied. I'm almost positive I've done something like this in my life at some point. If you're really feeling guilty, then tell your mom. However, if you don't I don't think it's such a big deal. It'd be a pretty funny story to tell her in ten or fifteen years. (:
ReplyDeleteSo this may seem like a trivial decision at first glance, but for the past couple weeks it has been driving up the wall with all of its complexities. Many of you have heard, and many of you have not heard, but I'm going to spend eight weeks this summer taking classes at Stanford. I'm pretty excited about it, but there's one burning question that needs to be answered before I get there. What classes?
ReplyDeleteThis might seem simple or silly because picking classes has never been much of an ordeal before, you meet with your guidance counselor and boom! You're done. This is different though, because choosing classes in high school is only the illusion of choice, except for a few choice electives, all your classes have to fill certain blocks. The only choice you get is what level of those classes you take (although, in most of our cases, I doubt that that was much of a choice at all). This situation is different, I'm presented with a variety of courses that range from highly educational to whimsical, and I'm really only allowed to take 3 or 4. I really feel lost.
How is this a test of my character? I guess to understand that, you'd have to understand my character and a bit more about the background of this program. The fact is that I'm doing this whole thing for free because of a scholarship I applied for (it would have been impossible without it). Because of my insane mentality, I'm stuck on the idea that because this is being handed to me for nothing, I have to make the most out of it possible. That mentality is what's being tested here, because in order to make the best out of this summer I need to pick the "right" classes, the ones that will "maximize" my enjoyment.
I put quotation marks to point out how silly that mentality is.
The test is, then, to get me to let go of my insanity and just trust that what I pick is fine, in terms of having an educational and enjoyable summer. I need to let go, turn off my targeting computer, and trust in the force. Or my instincts. Whatever. Hopefully I can learn from this experience to trust myself a little more, and not to agonize over things that are beyond my control.
I'm going to miss playing baseball in the summer :( anyway, that Stanford program is such an amazing opportunity. Good luck my friend.
DeleteWhenever I come across a question about roadblocks, challenges, or tests of character, I always go back to the good ol’ black belt challenge. That sucker was a piece of work. I was eleven or twelve, and we had to go through this whole physical challenge, which was really a mental challenge in the end, considering my puny eleven year-old muscles couldn’t handle exercises in the hundreds. So everything gives out, and then it’s just mental stamina. It’s tough stuff. But I realize that I didn’t really have a choice to do this, and this wasn’t really a test of my character, considering I didn’t have any true character at that tender young age of eleven.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I can’t think of any tests of character I’ve gone through, ever. Not ones that’ve come about because of a choice I made, anyways. Of course, life if made up of choices. I choose to type every single word in this blog, and maybe I even choose to post it. So we could most definitely say that all of these tests of character that I have faced actually did come about because of choice. But I think we’re talking about more direct cause-and-effect situations.
So I guess I could take a look at some tests of character that I’ve faced recently, sans choices. Or just a test, because I have enough to say about it. Anyways, in the past few weeks and maybe months I’ve been seeing my friendships differently. And they keep on shifting around drastically, on a weekly basis, while I sit here wondering whether it’s temporary or permanent. As of this moment, the dust has settled upon the usual. It’s back to normal, in the way that a city is back to normal after being struck by its first natural disaster. The sense of security is gone, replaced by paranoia. It can always fade, but it’s still there. When could something shoot up another dust cloud, only to have it all settle on a completely different place? For now I’ll tread lightly, and see what happens. As for how this is a test of character, it’s really about how I handle it all. I’ve seen the possibility of falling out of my current circle of friends, and, honestly, wasn’t too worried about it. I was interested in where it was going. And I’m still letting things play out on their own, instead of being more aggressive with my future.
As for some big character tests in the future, I’m thinking college, as is everyone else. No surprises. But, when people are thinking about where they’re going or what their majors will be, I’m really considering whether I care enough to get where I want to. I’m going into some kind of engineering. And I’m deciding between electrical engineering and material science engineering, as well as some more specific focuses of material science. Where I go might matter, considering the limited amount of schools with majors in nanotechnology. But that’s just a developing field, which may or may not have jobs by the time I’m done learning it as a major. I don’t know if I want to play this game with my potential career. I don’t know if I want to take a chance with this. I don’t know if I want to play it safe and go with a certain career which I may end up despising, which I may see rip me apart from the inside because I’m miserable. Despite it not being fate, the future can still most definitely be a fickle bitch. I don’t want to play her game. But I have to.
Let me start by saying that I too have this not so rare problem with making decisions. Seeing as I lack a crystal ball or the ability to see the future, I often find making choices difficult. I don't want to have regrets, so assuming that I even know exactly what I want, I stress about where certain decisions will lead me and all the possible outcomes of that path.
ReplyDeleteLike everyone, I find myself on the cusp of a major decision set to have a big impact on my life. I'm meant to pick the college I will attend for the next however many years, and all the experiences that come along with said college. Should I do what I've wanted to do since I've though about college at all and go away to school? Or should I stay home instead with the added benefits of money saved and the refuge of my childhood bedroom? If I don't go away, what sort of relationships and experiences might I miss out on? What might I miss If I do go away? Is fear of 'what could happen' holding me back? What if I make the wrong decision and inadvertently ruin what are supposed to be my best years, or worse-the rest of my life.
All these questions are on a constant loop in my head when I try to sit down and actually make some sort of decision about my future in education. The test of my character, I think, will not only be how I deal with the stress of such a decision, but also the maturity and circumstances under which I end up making my choice. Whether through logic, fear, or my desires, I need to remember that I am trying to make a choice that works for and benefits me as much as possible.
I'm hoping that by keeping this in mind, I'll be led towards a path worth taking notes on rather than one I would like to soon forget. I know that once I make my decision I'll be majorly relieved--hopefully without any doubts or over analyzation. I'm hoping that my path will lead me to a place where I can experience everything I've always thought I would in college. I'm hoping that (given I make a good choice) I'll be able to relax a bit, be more decisive, and of course-be cliche and find myself. I'd love to learn to just go with my gut and not second guess or break a sweat over every little (or big) decision that pops up in my life to come.
Here's to hoping for a good start in the first step of the rest of my life (as my father likes to refer to it).
George: I completely understand where you're coming from on the parental front. I don't hate my parents either, but that doesn't mean I'm not eager to get our of their hold. I want to be able to make my own decisions without their influence and feel free to be whoever I want to. I feel like that's something that won't happen if I stay home.
Mikey G: I also feel like I'm not any different than I have been in years past, but I guess that's because we change gradually and we're in constant contact with ourselves, so change is something we don't notice. I can understand where you're coming from about our numerous upcoming critical decisions, but while apprehensive I am also excited. I think it's beat to look at these upcoming choices as you becoming your own person. While that can be scary, it's also extremely exciting. Just think of it as a new adventure, or a script in which you get the starring role-as yourself: whoever you want that to be.
Dom: I really like tour "85 year old" outlook. I think that's a great way to look at things, especially for is indecisive folk. My problem, of course, would come into situations like the restaurant meal decision, where the outcomes could be varied and you aren't completely sure what you are hoping to get out of the situation. There are definitely situations where the old woman outlook would help immensely though, so I'll be sure to keep that in the back of my mind for decisions to come.
Cole: I have the same problem with deciding on what I'm going to go to college for: what if there are no jobs in the field I'm interested in? However, I'm doing what I do best, which is follow my gut. I have the feeling that this will be the best decision in my whole life so I'm just going to stick with whatever I'm doing now and hope for the best.
ReplyDeleteJames: Whenever I am trying to make a decision that could be life-altering, I always go with the same mentality that you are trying to use. I convince myself that whatever I'm doing is the right thing to do and everything will be fine in the end. That may be a little far-fetched sometimes, but it's worked most of the time thus far.
Dan: You are 100% justified in your actions to hold onto the dollars and quarters your mom gave you. What you pretty much did was take the money she was wasting on unhealthy beverages and moving it to something that is more worth it and you enjoy more. Your mom is still spending the same amount of money, it's just that you're benefiting more from it and it is less of a waste. You did the right thing in my opinion.
‘Well, I mean, I don’t know. I mean, I don’t really know you, man.’ If he was shrugging I couldn’t tell.
ReplyDelete‘Yeah, no. I know. I get what you mean.’
‘I mean, shit.’
‘Yeah, that too.’
But it’s okay. I don’t trust people, because they are always people first and whatever else second. I probably wouldn’t trust you guys. I don’t trust you guys, probably? But do you even care what I say in my blog, after you put up yours? It’s only a side attraction, more or less. Who actually reads this? Maybe I’ve been abusing the truth in every blog post I’ve made, lying to you, or myself, or both. Maybe probably? Probably maybe not. Mysteries excite me.
Maybe I am perched on the precipice of something agonizing…? Probably. Probably definitely.
But that’s
A
Secret, isn’t it?
Trust issues aren’t a secret, I guess. Would anyone ever know how I felt if I didn’t tell them? Sometimes I lie about my mood, to see if my friends can tell when I’m faking, but they can’t. Maybe that’s sad? I don’t know. And not the obvious kind of lying where you don’t try because you want them to find out, either, because I’m sure everyone’s been THAT kind of manipulative before.
But, you know, in reality I try not to make decisions that will come back as tests of some sort in the future, because commitment issues aren’t secrets either. The way I influence people’s lives, with the exception of a very few people, who would probably know who they are, is ghostly: people enjoy my company, but I don’t help move them in any way and ultimately I can’t be held responsible for anything. I’ve never visited any of my old teachers.
What does this say about me? Probably what I’ve said above, and what I’ll say right now.
My grandmother is very old, and she lives alone in her house and is just a little senile, and I’m just about the only person who she couldn’t live without. I call her and go to visit her house even though it would be so much easier not to, to forget in the way that people forget about anything that proves to be too much effort or too time consuming. Why do I do these things? Do I really care about her? Am I scared of the commitment?
I am not an objectively bad person, but I know that I am.
I spent today mulling over the next important decision in my life. Which car will I be buying tomorrow morning? Usually, I’m the kind of guy who goes with his gut feeling. When faced with a decision, I will choose the option that appeals to me first. This has been going pretty well for me for the past 17 years, so I’ve stuck with it. Anyway, this car ordeal isn’t going as well as I expected it. I worked ambitiously for a couple years and saved all of my birthday and Christmas money so I could have the money to buy this car. I weighed my options and came down to two cars. Both are the same price, and I waffle back and forth between them as time progresses. I guess this isn’t really a life-changing decision, but it bothers me because I am normally quite decisive.
ReplyDeleteIt bothers me that a decision on what car I’ll buy has been nagging me more than what college I want to go to. I’ve got an entire plan set out for college, but I can’t seem to pinpoint the exact ride I want to buy. Furthermore, I can’t decide how this indecision weighs on my character. It probably doesn’t. But usually, my gut instinct is best for me.
I’m coming to a crossroads in my life. Each fork leads to a different path that will lead me to my future. Honestly, I’ll be happy with any of these paths. No matter which college I get into, I will be happy with what I do there. I’m not worried about making the wrong choice. I’ve done enough research that I have all the tools I need to make a sound decision in my arsenal. During the first weeks of my college experience, I’m expecting to learn more in this time than I have in a while. I’m on the cusp of this immense decision in my life, and I’m looking forward with nothing but the utmost excitement towards it.
I hope I can figure this car thing out this weekend, if not; I still have many other choices that need to be made. My future schools, relationships, and profits all depend on these life-altering decisions. Godspeed to everyone making these decisions with me, and know that we’re all doing this together.
To Tom: Becoming a CRNA is a good idea because it’s a noble and well-paying job. It’s good to go with your gut, just as Ms. Bunje always says about the multiple choice questions and when touring colleges. Oh and I’m on that cheat sheet you mentioned. I’ve got your back buddy.
ReplyDeleteTo Dominique: I like how you said you pretend to be 85 and look back at the decisions you’ve made. That’s really good advice. That’s the best way to prevent future regret. Also Bobby Kelly is a genius. That coin trick is extremely clever. It makes perfect sense, and maybe I’ll try it out some time.
To Cole: I honestly had no idea you were on the edge with your friendships recently. My heart sank when you mentioned the possibility of falling out of your current circle of friends. This may just be an over-reaction but I really value your friendship and I’d hate to lose it. I’m also sympathetic to your predicament of the desire to pursue an undeveloped field. Nanotechnology is interesting stuff and I hope that whatever you choose your career to be you enjoy doing it for life.
Freshman year. A year when I was vulnerable, not myself; or at least not who I am today. I was trying to find who I would be, who I wanted to be. I was searching inside myself for answers, but not finding any. I was hanging out with people that were making terrible decisions. They were dabbling in drugs; marijuana to be exact. At first, I fought against them. I wouldn't take them, I even stopped hanging out with the kids for months. Eventually, though, I went back. I started hanging out with them, considering what I would do, what decisions I would make. One day, I made the wrong one, and began to smoke with them.
ReplyDeleteI did it for a while actually. Freshman year was just the beginning. From there it carried on for another year, maybe a year and a half. I'll be honest, I'm only 6 months clean. However, I have made the decision to stay clean. After the time I've spent in lang, the time I spent with real friends this year, I've realized that marijuana was never the answer. It's a waste of time, a risk I don't need to take, and a waste of money on top of that. It's illegal, it can ruin my entire future. So why even screw around with it?
Smoking did teach me a lesson though. It taught me about peer pressure. So many times you are told as a child to say no to drugs, to stay away from them. Growing up, all I could think was that I would never be faced with the decision to do drugs. I always ignored the lessons because I thought I would never be faced with the situation. When it came, I fell. I was weak, and I made a life-altering decision.
I still don't regret it though. For as much as I seem to be mad and sad with myself for my decision, I'm glad I did what I did. I know what it's like, I know how ridiculous it is; I know what it does to your body. I also now have fallen into peer pressure enough so that I can deal with it. I passed the first hump. Will I ever do it again? I'm not sure. Maybe, maybe I will go back to it. I know it's the wrong decision, but I'm not going to lie and say I'll never do it again. But I can say that I learned a lesson about decision making. It will change my view on people in the future.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that I learned about people, and peer pressure. I regret what I did to an extent, but I'm glad I chose to smoke at one point. It taught me a lesson about how bad you can feel when you know you did something wrong. I learned that people lie, that people tell you things to make themselves feel better. "Everyone does it, it's not that bad." "No one cares." They say these things to make themselves feel better because they regret it themselves. I've said the same things, that's why I know.
Replying as GARRET!- Well all of the friends back at headquarters are happy that you're clean, from the bottom of my heart, it's really encouraging to hear this. Remember, even the best fall down sometimes.
DeleteEven though junior year is pretty much over, I feel as though summer won’t be that much of a vacation. Once senior year starts, I have to start finalizing my decisions on where I want to apply to college and what I want to major in. Bunje, I thought you were absolutely right when you said picking a major at 16 years old is absurd. And unfortunately, I do feel discouraged that people around me know exactly what they want to do at this age in the game. I know I probably shouldn’t feel this way, knowing anything can happen. But it does take a toll on my confidence. I don’t know what I’m most passionate about. I’ve had my whole high school career to figure out more about myself and what I would do in the future, but it still hasn’t hit me yet.
ReplyDeleteI’m very indecisive. For example, this is why I hate shopping. I never know what I want and my mom usually picks out nice stuff so I usually depend on her. My mom wants me to become a pharmacist and go to Rutgers. I don’t mind going to Rutgers however, it’s not too expensive, and a good school. But, frankly, being a pharmacist seems like the most boring job in the world to me. I mean, I could very well become one. They make a heck of a lot of money, but whatever. If I wanted to do something related to science, I would become an optometrist. I’ve always wanted to help out become with bad eyesight like myself. However, there’s a strong feeling inside of me that is gravitating me into going into another field of work. Completely unrelated to math and science. It’s more of a guilty pleasure kind of feeling. I’m sure a lot of people my age are into it, but I’m pretty extreme when it comes to this kind of stuff. My parents sure as hell don’t know anything about the major I’m looking into. I’m sure they would feel more comfortable with me going into math and/or science related. I feel as though they aren’t on my side. This is where the decision making comes in.
I’m definitely going to visit a lot of colleges this summer. Hopefully I am confident in my abilities to make the right decisions about which colleges I want to attend when I’m applying later this year. When I actually get to college, that’s a true test of my character. Can I comfortably balance a social life while still maintaining a high GPA? But then again, I’m confident in myself that I won’t make any of the wrong decisions. I’ve been offered to party and drink before, but I chose not to. I didn’t have to think about it. It’ll be the first time I’ve lived on my own, and that’s a huge responsibility. I think I’m somewhat ready. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Im posting this as Garret by the way, we had a classic garret nick and bobby sleep over and we all just remembered what today is. Friday. And you know what that means, the annual 11:00 blog scare. Anyway, here i am pondering decisions.
ReplyDeleteLets think about a year ahead of where we are today. May 25th 2013 just under two weeks until graduation and the anticipation, stress, fear, sadness, all of it is coming at once like one big emotional cauldron of teenage girl feelings. Not bad of course, but definitely imminent. I'm so nervous about the choices that come along with college. It's not just where to go, but it's so much more. It's what major, what dorm, honors or not, who your roommate should be, whether or not to bring a car. So many decisions. It's stressful and one bad choice could really affect the next four years of your life. Sounds scary and oh it is. Honestly, i don't want to leave my mommy, my best friends, my bed; none of it. I want it all, i want to bring it all with me, but i can't.
Whether the right choice or the wrong choice, it's still going to lay the map for your future. If i decide to major in, who knows, veterinary studies and i decide that i actually want to become a lawyer, i'm going to have to suffer the consequence of that choice. Now yes, you can change your major, yes you could go back to school, and yes this doesn't necessarily ruin your life forever. But, it's really scary to think how you could make the wrong choice and it'll shape the path that you're forced to continue walking along.
When i get out of college i want to look back and think not only was that the time of my life, but i want to come out with a great education. I want to come out with a job lined up and a great network of people to fall back on if need be. I want to be an expert in my field and i want to be the next big thing. This whole concept could be the difference between the right decision and the wrong decision. Scary stuff that we'll be dealing with next year, which is why it's so important to start looking around now so your decisions are easier to make and less stressful. Thanks bunje<3
Well, what do you know? I am in the middle of living out a choice I made just this week. It sucks. A lot. I’m not even sure I should be talking about this on the blog since it concerns a classmate, but it would only be right to be truthful. I would like to dedicate this blog to Rachel Filippone for saving my life since I was two seconds from going to sleep before she reminded me about the blog.
ReplyDeleteIt’s only right to be honest about it.
However, no, this drama I’m foreshadowing doesn’t concern her. But I did have to make a choice about a friendship this week, and I’m still debating whether or not I made the right one. I’ve gotten mixed input and have accordingly mixed emotions about it.
Basically, a friend of mine whom is very extraordinarily dear to me is a friend of mine no more. And, fittingly enough for this blog, it’s all based around my character. Or even more fittingly, a character flaw of mine.
Though recently I thought I had changed so much, I really discovered if anything my change was just a disguise. The beginnings of my character that had begun to flourish as a little girl blossomed surely enough, I just thought I had disguised them with a happy veil. My father used to constantly tease me as a little girl and I would become so extremely distressed and tormented by it. I can remember whining at the dinner table far too many times about how I hated being teased. Naturally he would always say, “I’m just teasing you,” but it bothered me all the same.
I’ve become utterly desensitized to it. I tease like there’s no tomorrow. The closer you are to me, the more battered by teasing you become. It’s the thing I most clearly inherited from my families. My father’s side, although I’ve only been around them about five times in my life at families reunions that bring the siblings together from literally across the country, is utterly ruthless. One simply is not safe near them. They will bring up any wrong you’ve ever done, from angrily ripping up $500 monopoly money when you were a child to the present day. It’s like watching pinball with them. One is accused and immediately another family member is thrown into the fire. Even worse, on my mother’s side, they do much the same, except without the good cheer. They’re all easily offended and my grandmother always ends with, “Oh why do you always gang up on me? You’re going to miss me when I’m gone! You’re out of the will!” And my Uncle suffers a barrage of fat jokes, poor guy. You see, one of my flaws is I kid too much, and others don’t… pick up on it, or if they do, it’s too much to handle.
Worse yet, I’ve received a nasty temper from my mother. But I inherited a sort of bleak submissiveness from my father, quite the pacifist. It’s led to an interesting combination.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was little, the inklings of it started. If I felt that the other party was right about my wrongs, I would give them exactly what they wanted, only a thousand times worse. If I perceive somebody thinks I acted incorrectly and I agree with them, I won’t fight back. I suppose it’s passive aggressive behavior, but I’ll feel so utterly horrible about it that eventually they’ll feel bad for me. I would cry and cry until my mother would come to my door and ask if I wanted her to come in, then I’d refuse her. Then I’d moan louder. Sometimes I’d force myself to sleep in the corner of the room between the wall and the dresser because I wasn’t worthy of a bed. Simply put, I’ll feel exactly how they want me to feel until they don’t want it anymore. Then I’ll keep doing it.
And now, this situation was sparked by my teasing nature. It’s not the first time it’s happened and it won’t be the last. I treated this friend terribly because of this which was shocking because it wasn’t even in the way I had anticipated: my temper. This was wholly subconscious which made it a thousand times worse because it’s almost impossible to correct. I felt so awful that though they truly still wanted to be friends, I declined because I would not allow them to be hurt by me again. I can honestly say this is a life changing decision because they were so important to me.
But here’s the test. Can I successfully stop being their friend, for what I merely perceive to be the greater good? Or am I, without even realizing it, just being passive aggressive?
Either way, I’ve learned some not so pleasant things about myself, but for the better I suppose. I almost swore off talking altogether that I felt so horrible, but I felt guilty because it was almost the end of the year and I knew I would regret it. Instead, I recovered quickly. Too quickly. I’m perfectly fine. My attention was so monopolized in this one person that I feel like I have friendSSS now. However, out of nowhere, I’ll feel sad, like when I think of tacos or something. Every once in a while a memory will strike along with a smile, then a wistful feeling of loss. I don’t know how long I can hold out.
Or worse yet, am I even doing it for the right reasons? Is it, as I fear, my childhood ways winning out? Am I just giving the person exactly what they want, only a thousand times worse? I felt horrible about it, which, generally when somebody says you treat them terribly and your friendship is killing them, they in some way want you to feel horrible. Then I did the only logical and rational thing I could think of, though it seems irrational. I’m not so cocky as to claim I can change such a deeply imbedded habit of mine. I’m not so cruel as to allow myself to keep acting that way to them. Since I can neither be their friend without “killing them” nor can I change the flaw at hand, I figure, the best thing to do is spare them the horror of being friends with me and allow them to start recovering now. I have a theory that many people will look back on me and think, “wow, why did I like her? She was such a bitch to me.”
ReplyDeleteNow to analyze one of the first thoughts in my head, “Well, if I treat them terribly, I’ll never treat them any way again,” what character motive was behind it? Was it the little vindictive girl who likes to cause mutual suffering or was it an honest attempt to do the right thing? It all depends on whether or not you think actions are more important, or intentions are. You can do good things for bad reasons, but I contend that it doesn’t make you a good person. But in the end, I decided I’m a bad person regardless of my intentions, but I do believe I’m doing the right thing, which in this case is all that matters.
I foresee some internal arguments in the future. I’ve never been able to hold out a grudge, although I’ve never had one dealing more so with myself. I’ll probably break, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try not to. And this is very much testing my character. I should only hope I learn enough from it to not have to suffer through it again. But that would be lying. It’s only right to be honest about it. It will happen again.
If there’s one thing about my personality that I absolutely cannot stand, it’s my indecision. Well, it’s more my inability TO make a decision. With trivial things such as my preference for dinner, I usually give an “I dunno;” but especially with crucial, life-altering, unchangeable choices such as where I’m going for college (just the mention of the word makes me cringe), my mind weaves endlessly about the options and that nagging anxiety in the back of my head constantly asking me, “what if you get it wrong?” I hate making choices that may affect the outcome of my life as well as the temporary happiness of others. I’m always worried about messing up. I’m always worried about disappointing someone. Always.
ReplyDeleteI don’t really want to talk about college, but I feel this blog begs for it. My toughest decision right now is where I want to go – not so much what I want to do, I’ve already come to the conclusion that anything but engineering probably wouldn’t work out in my favor, so I’m kind of stuck there – mainly because I don’t come from a family that can sustain my college needs. Anywhere I’d want to go involves moving away from home, far away, which means I’d have to think about out-of-state cost plus dorms, books, classes, tuition, etc. My mom wants me to go to her alma mater, Rowan University, since I can commute there and it’s in-state. Problem is she wants me to go to ACCC for two years and then transfer, which I am adamantly and vehemently against. Not to offend anyone, but I don’t want to go to high school all over again. I’m not interested in wasting two years of my life goofing off in a school that’s mainly for the kids who just barely graduated from Oakcrest. I’m not trying to sound cocky or anything, but I’m better than that. I guess I know what I don’t want; but what I do want is still a mystery. I didn’t work my ass off my entire high school career to go to school with the same damn idiots I’m trying to escape, but I can’t afford much else – especially since my mom is dead set against my applying for financial aid. She keeps telling me that “she’s lived it” and “she’s seen people start out forty thousand dollars in debt, one foot in the grave.” I respect that she’s only looking out for me but, in the field I want to get into, I don’t need my potential employers turning me down because I have a two-year ACCC education plus four to five wherever else I may go in order to get my Master’s versus someone who’s been in the same school for pre- and post-grad education with the same qualifications.
Crap, I’m stressing myself out now. I hate making decisions. Particularly about this type of stuff, because I don’t want to waste my young-adult life going to school for NOTHING. I don’t want to disappoint anyone although I think if I were to fail, I’d be the biggest disappointment to myself.
George: I love your candidness. It’s quite admirable. It’s nice to see that you know exactly what you want, which is to find yourself without your parents intervening. I’m not sure that I could do that, but it’s nice to see that you’re focused on achieving that.
ReplyDeleteConnie: I can totally sympathize with the whole indecision thing, I’m the same way. It’s difficult to make a choice when you’re not exactly sure what you want yourself, plus there’s that constant nagging in the back of your mind urging you not to mess up. It’s so stressful.
Olivia: I envy your ability to not care about other people’s opinions. For me, I know it’s hard to even try to eliminate the worry of what others will think from my mind but it’s impressive that you can make a decision that YOU’RE happy with and not give a damn about what others’ opinions. I honestly am jealous of that.
Tom: As Bunje said the other day, it’s not like many people stick to one job anyway. That must be an awful feeling on the first day of a job that you’re going to be doing this for at least forty more years. That being said, go for whatever you like now, because everybody gets bored at some point! If anything, such a stable job as this is a good starter job so you can get a good base in life, a house, a nice car, a family or whatever. Then you can be all reckless and open a hair dressery place some other time. Hop around till you find something that you love (which I think you might have done already) then hop around some more if and when you stop liking it!
ReplyDeleteDominique: Believe me, we’re all that indecisive. Every day my dad asks what I want for a snack and every day it’s the same things, but I make him say them all because I need time to stall and decide. Then the same thing happens with dessert. I don’t think he notices but I usually say the first thing he says as a compromise to consistently not have to make a choice about what I honestly want. That’s so sweet about your mother though. That’s really admirable to get up and spend time with her. And that advice Bobby gave you, that is some of the most sound advice I’ve heard in a while.
Ted: The part that really struck with me is how you said you’re worried about not getting into your top schools and letting yourself down. I’d like to say what Matlack said about how this kind of stuff doesn’t define us, character does, but it’d be hypocritical for me to say that. I do agree with Matlack even if I couldn’t emulate it if it came back to me. The only thing that should really disappoint you about yourself is character flaws, not really success. As long as you know you tried your best, and that’s all you can do, you really can’t be upset with yourself. I’m sure no matter where you go to school you’ll find happiness and you’ll never know if it was for the better.
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ReplyDeleteNot once, all year, have I waited this long to post my blog—or to begin writing my blog, for that matter. What sets this blog apart from others is…well, the title. I was ready to start my blog a few days before the deadline as I usually do, so earlier this week I opened the page, but as soon as I saw that title—that word—“destiny”, I was crippled by stress. I immediately closed the page and moved on to a new activity, swiftly forcing that word, and its implications of major life decisions, out of my head.
ReplyDeleteI suppose that’s what I do when faced with an important decision. I freeze, I choke, and I quickly hop aboard some other train of thought before the stress of making such choices consumes me. I heard somewhere that the only wrong decision is indecision. I disagree. There are plenty of wrong decisions, and they are so often disguised as the right decisions. That’s why it’s so hard for me to stay decisive. In general terms, I know what I want with my life. I want joy and adventure, excitement and warmth. If only those were college majors...I know I’ll want a job that allows me to be creative and thoughtful. I thrive in relaxed environments where people aren’t bogged down by unnecessary restrictions and blinding fluorescent lighting. I also want there to exist in my future career an adequate amount of solitude. I get along well with others when I must, but am most comfortable and do my best work when alone.
So that’s what I want. No, I have not the slightest idea what colleges I’ll apply to, or what my major will be. I have no idea where or how I’ll build the foundation for the rest of my life. And that’s just terrifying. Bunje, I know you told us not to stress out so much about these things, but I can’t help it. Being young and ignorant means that everything lies in the future. What if, fifty years from now, I look back on my youth and realize that I made the wrong choices? I only get one life to live, but the number of directions I can go with that one life is literally infinite. How do you choose one out of infinity, and how do you not regret that choice later on, no matter what it was? For, no matter what path we travel, isn’t there always a better one?
I’ve experienced millions of life tests. I experience several every day, as we all do. And they all seem to teach me the same lesson: I’ve got so many more improvements to make to my character before the person I am today is even recognizable as the person I wish I were. The state at which I was dropped onto this earth is so very flawed. So every day I fight a hundred little battles with myself to become better. I’m not hoping to be perfect. That would be a futile mission for sure. I’m merely hoping to be better today than I was yesterday.
But if being young means being flawed, why is life so cruel that we must make our most impactful decisions in our youth? I’m not ready to decide what I want to do with my life, because, knowing me, I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and realize how ridiculous I was being for making that decision. I’ll make a better choice tomorrow, and in doing so, become a little less defective. But for now, I’m just too flawed to trust myself.
Dom: I’m hoping to go through the same process this summer. I like the optimism you have! Obviously, anything can happen. I think no matter what, you’ll learn about yourself a lot through this whole college process and things will turn out just fine.
ReplyDeleteTom: I remember you talking about becoming a CRNA in study hall. I think it’s great that you’re confident in the major. And your right, it saves a lot of money for you to just pick a major and go with it.
Janel: CSI! Anyways, I’ve known that you’ve been very passionate about going into biology/forensics. I think that helps because you don’t have to worry about changing a major or anything like that. Hopefully you start learning more about yourself in this whole college process. Anything can happen ;)
Almost forgot to write my replies! Good thing I had ten minutes to spare :)
ReplyDeleteBecca - I read your first paragraph and basically saw myself through the whole thing. Maybe indecision is typical in adolescence... Even so it's annoying as hell and keeps me from making seemingly vital choices. Either way, I know that wont keep you from succeeding in life. So don't fear!
Bobby - I'd say that your ideal "post-college" goals and feelings can be universally identified with. In life we all want to look back on our memories and not only feel as if we lived to their fullest potential, but also feel like we've gained something from it- whether it be intellectual knowledge or the like. We all want this. The hardest part is making this happen. That is a question we cannot yet answer.
Dom - Again, I feel as if the frustrating quality of being overly indecisive is almost comforting in that a lot of people seem to share the stress. I've seen your indecision firsthand (not that its a bad thing), but you have so many other promising, dynamic qualaities that out-weigh the triviality of indecision. Oh and the coin trick is genius! works every time!
Alright. So currently I have some good ideas where I want to go to college but I’m not completely sure. Rutgers seems cool, and so does the University of Maryland. Okay, so the choice of which college isn’t that much of a problem. And I’m sure wherever I go I’ll be able to make the best out of it.
ReplyDeleteNow the problem with college planning lies in what I want to do after college. The current plan is for me to double major in chemistry and art, if possible, and then go into optometry school and become an optometrist. If I decide against that, I’ll teach chemistry and art. If I can’t complete my double major in 4 years, I’ll just major in chemistry. It seems I have this all planned. But at the same time, I’m fretting a bit. I like the optometrist. I think eyes and eyesight is interesting. I like chemistry too. But do I really want to be an optometrist? I don’t know.
Also, being an eye doctor means going into a 4-year optometry school after college. That’s 8 more years of education after high school. I’ve always hated getting older, and it’s incredibly difficult to imagine not having a real job until another 8 years.
I like teaching, but will I be happy as a teacher? I still don’t know. For some reason I can’t see myself getting a job in the art field either (other than teaching), as much as I like art. ...And yet at the same time I still kinda can. Sometimes I just wish I could have no job and do nothing with my life. But then I think about how I would be unhappy this way. There’s some many things I kind of want to do, and yet so many things I don’t. Basically, this choice of what future occupation I want - and partly what majors I will choose is so incredibly stressful.
My distress reveals my fear of the future. I really don’t want to grow up and I don’t want to make such important decisions. My choice will show what I truly value in my life, whether it’s money or enjoyment or freetime or whatever. I know all I truly want to be is happy, but I have no idea what exactly will make me happy. If I pursue the most fun job ever, will I still be satisfied if I’m broke as hell? What exactly would be the most fun job ever for me anyways?! I don’t even know. Hopefully from my decision I’ll learn but I like and what I don’t like, things that I surprisingly don’t really know that well. Mostly, I want to learn to stop being so resistant to the passing of time. I wish I could just go through life “going with the flow.” But sadly, currently I feel so little comfort in the future.
Mikey: I can see where you’re coming from, although my predicament isn’t just medical field vs. the arts, it’s like medical vs. the arts. vs. a billion other things. It seems to me that you obviously are more interested in the arts than anything else, and I think you should pursue it because it’s what you truly want. I think you can find an enjoyable backup career that doesn’t include an additional four years of medical school.
Dominique: I like the part about the coin trick. I’ve never actually tried it. But I’m nervous that both sides of the coin will give me a bad feeling in my stomach, haha!
Janel: “Why the hell would I pay thousands and thousands of dollars to get a degree in something like microbiology if I want to be a music instructor?” Exactly. Not enough people are pursuing what they truly want. It pains me when people allow their parents to control the rest of their lives. At the same time, I wish I myself was more sure of exactly what I want to do!
NICK TOMASELLO
ReplyDeleteLike most of the people answering this blog, I'm going to talk about my upcoming college decisions. About 10 months ago, I was first pestered about what kind of college I was looking for. The first question I was asked, "What size college are you looking for, large, medium, or small?" After visting TCNJ on several occasions, and Rutgers just once, this first baby step was an easy one. TCNJ's small size of about 7,000 students was perfect for me. Rutgers bus system is pretty annoying, however, if it's the only college I get accepted to, I'll gladly take it.
The second decision I have/had to ponder is if the college I want to go to is in a rural or city like atmosphere. Last May, on the annual AP Gov cohort trip to Virginia, I was walking around the campus of William and Mary and fell in love with it. Something about the old time, colonial feeling of the city made me drawn to the college itself. William and Mary was then put on my list as my top choice. (This was well before I had learned of their requirements). American University in Washington D.C. has the same city feeling(My current #1). TCNJ is within 10 minutes of Princeton and is by plenty of shops and restaurants.
I can't wait to finally get a sense of independence. My parents have mightily helped my educational career, but I don't need to be told what homework I have every night, and when I have an upcoming test. Extremely irritating to say the least. But, high school and school at home is winding down, and I won't have to worry about that anymore. I'm probably going to regret saying this when I get to college and I forget I have homework or a test.
Bobby: Stay clean for me, for you, for all of us.
Garret: I hope I see you in college one day, but who knows.
Connie: For some reason, I just feel like you create unnecessary stress for yourself. I don't know your whole life or what goes on in it, but, from what you tell me sometimes, it's just not worth it. In the end, I know you always create the best situation for yourself and you always end up on top.
Nyamekye Coleman:
ReplyDeleteI don’t mean to sound like your mother (trust me, it’s my last intention to sound like anyone’s mother), but your tendency to stress out about things outside of your control leads me to have so much sympathy for you. If you’ve got the first ten years of your life mapped out, then the rest will fall into place. You’re Nyamekye freakin’ Coleman! You deserve to have more faith in yourself. As for being unsure of how you’ll handle the whole transition to college thing, I have the same concerns about myself. But I guess only time will tell how that plays out…
Amber:
Yay, blog dedication! Glad I could help. But you know what? You’re being far too hard on yourself. I don’t know the details of the situation, so maybe I shouldn’t even be addressing it, but I know you. And I know how much you let guilt cripple you. I’m a firm believer in the idea that each person is accountable for their own feelings and insecurities, and that others cannot usually be held responsible for hurting us, because most of the time, no one is better at offending a person than his or her own mind. What I’m saying is that you need to cut yourself some slack. If your being yourself offends someone, then either (a) they need some thicker skin, or (b) they probably shouldn’t be in your life in the first place. It’s harsh, but it’s important to be the person you really are, and let others take their emotions into their own hands.
Making choices is not something that I enjoy doing, I guess you could call me indecisive. I have a great deal of trouble when making the decisions I make, even if it is something as simple as whether I should go to bed now or later. I worry too much about what the outcome of my decisions might be that I just do whatever is easier.
ReplyDeleteHowever that is not always how I make my decision. When it comes to more serious decisions, I weigh my options. I worry about whom I might affect, what the outcome might be and what would be the right thing to do. When it comes to the right thing, I usually make my decision rather quickly. I can’t help but do the right thing sometimes. For example, when I was younger I was put into a very uncomfortable situation where I would have to lie for my older cousin. I realized that, that would not only get me into trouble but would also be really disrespectful to lie to my parents. So I, as a twelve year old did not lie to my parents, that turned out to be the right thing to do because had I lied, my cousin would have gotten herself into a great deal of trouble that night.
Although that test taught me a great test, it is nothing compared to the test that I will take in my near future. That is the test of courage. College is now just around the corner and in order for me to go to the college that I would like to go; I will have to have a very important talk with my parents, a talk that might potentially ruin my relationship with my parents. Or I could just go to the college that they would want me to go to and keep my relationship with my parents and forget about college life. Either way, my decision with have a negative effect on me. Hopefully, I will make the right decision and pass this really tough test. I know that it will definitely make me a better person in life, no matter what choice I make. Hopefully I will learn to stand up for my choices and have faith in myself. *fingers crossed*
Rachel: You are a smart, independent girl, you always make really great choices and I truly have a lot of faith in you but I think sometimes you need to have more faith in the decisions you make. You shouldn’t second guess yourself. EVER.
ReplyDeleteGarret: I totally feel the same way as you. It makes me sad when I think about the fact that we are leaving pretty soon. NEXT YEAR! I would love to take my bed and friends with me too…maybe not my mom though.
Matt: I wish I felt as confidant as you do about college and life. I think it is really great how you know that you will do well and it doesn’t matter what college you go to. It’s awesome how prepared you are.