Over the past few months, we have begun the process of trying to make sense of who we are, what we believe and what morals, values and ideas we are trying to develop. Doing this, while sometimes extremely stressful and dare I say even aggravating, is an integral part of determining our place in the world. And trust me, the sooner you find out where yours is, the less stress you encounter as you get older.
For those of you sitting at your computers week after week, cursing me to the fiery pits of the abyss for coming up with questions that make your brains bleed, please know that the reason above and only that is my motivation. I'm not trying to gain access to your mysterious "deep soul." I just want you to do that, that's all.
Now, with that said, onto this week's brain blaster!
"You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith."
First, in your own words, interpret that quote from Mary Manin Morrissey. That's the easy part.
Now that your interpretation is finished, and again, in your own words, ones that make the most sense to you, define for me the idea of "fear."
It means different things to different people; what does it mean to you?
What is your biggest fear? What keeps you awake at night?
Is whatever your fear now the same as it was when you were a sophomore, a freshmen, an eighth-grader? How has the idea of fear evolved for you? What do you notice about the evolution? From where do you think this fear comes?
How often do you stop yourself from doing something because of fear? Do you ever regret not doing what you wanted to do?
When, if ever, is fear a good thing to feel? Why?
How do you deal with it?
A lot of scary questions, I know. Do your best.
A dream is an idea of what the future would ideally be. Little is concrete except for slithers of details here and there. The more fanciful and wonderful it is drawn to be, the more ensnared and difficult to achieve it becomes. Faith is a portal to see this dream. Without faith it would only be fantasy. The distinction dwells in whether or not it is desired to become reality. A dream is a dream when the future may still twist and evolve into a dream, whereas a fantasy is a whimsical land the mind vacations to when the promises of reality are too severe. Faith becomes the window to view and imagine the dream, with its fading corners that aren’t tangible. In moments of solitude where hope is lost and faith hides, the dream disappears. It is no longer possible or imaginable. It transforms into fantasy. It is one thing to lose this faith, this window, and a whole other thing to feel fear. Fear creeps on and effaces the edges of the window. The more fear felt, the more fear slithers and its opaque form blocks out the dream. The dream is still intact and still viable, but fear blocks the path in which to follow the dream. If the fear is allowed to sit for too long, and the time limit of a slither of a detail has passed, the fear will smother the dream. Fear is to a dream as poison is to life. Allow it to act for too long and, depending on the severity and belligerence, it will eventually kill.
ReplyDeleteFear is a haunting apparition. It’s no more real than any other emotion. It used to be outside stimuli solely that caused it. Back when life was only about staying alive, fear was only fear of dying. The purest most instantaneous fear comes with only a brief lapse of concentration. The slightest of oversteps or the slip of a foot when walking downstairs is the embodiment of the most natural fear. Humans are meant to touch foot to Earth. When Earth is expected to be underfoot but the toe finds nothing instead, the fear is immediate. Squeals and expletives sound. Hands and feet scramble to beat gravity. The heart and adrenaline race with breath. Fear is still all of this, but fear only coincides with what life is. Since life is no longer just about living, fear is no longer just about death. When life is about achievement, fear is failure. When life is love, fear is heartbreak. When life is laughter, fear is loneliness. Fears arise from any dream. If you aim to live to a hundred, fear will manifest in anything that may seriously threaten it. To dream is to aspire for a future, and to dream is to fear anything that may silence the dream.
Silly and impetuous fears still exist. For whatever reason, due to the course of several bad dreams, I have quite the fear of spiral staircases. Still, many fears are centripetal to death, like spiders and clowns, tornadoes and lightning. Many are mindsets. Fear is an emotion and feeling, just like all of the others. Physical things act as stimuli but the mind can do the same. When you dream of falling, are you really falling? When you feel the stab of a knife in the dream, are you really being stabbed? When the person you’ve been “dreaming” about all day meets you in your sleep, is the happiness feigned? It all seems real in a dream, but none of it is. Yet, the emotions are still flourishing, are they not? Sometimes they’re even stronger in a dream. A couple weeks ago I was half asleep. Though I lay in my bed, my mind had me in the girl’s locker room. I was by myself but I was suddenly made aware of somebody coming up behind me. I burst awake and lay in a complete panic, stronger than any other fear I’ve ever felt and equivalent to when falling. So, naturally, if you convince yourself of anything like dreams seem to do, you’ll feel it. If you’re convinced an apple will poison you into an eternal slumber, you’ll avoid apples like they’re the devil. Still, fears do center around dying, if anything.
I’d say I have a lot of aspirations which would explain why I have a multitude of fears. Each fear is pretty much the opposite of each aspiration. I would love to get married someday, so naturally I’m terrified of being alone, although I’ll never really be alone. I think I’ve wanted kids since I was five, so it’d kind of bite if I couldn’t have kids. Several abstract fears all dance around the idea of an early death. If I had to pick out my most prominent fear, it’d have to be going crazy, primarily schizophrenia. Just the idea of never knowing what’s real or not terrifies me. To always have somebody having to confirm what is real and what isn’t for me, when all I could ever be certain of was what I saw and heard… I can’t imagine it. I can’t hear anybody else think, so how do I know other people think? Every dream I dream can be a whole lifetime, and this whole lifetime could just be a part of another dream. The rest of the universe that has not been physically explored by humans could all be a moving landscape on the walls of a fish tank. The world could not exist outside of my realm of experience, and I would never know. All I can be sure is real is what I witness. I have no real proof outside of my body. What if every sense I feel isn’t real? Everything I see is fake, everything I feel is conjured up by my mind, everything I hear is just another thought, and smell and taste the same? What if I’m just a lifeless body in a morgue or on a hospital cot? What if I just look like a vegetable my family couldn’t bear to pull the cord on that has a wild imagination? I wouldn’t know. Everything we experience is based off of these senses and no reality remains outside of them. To not know what is real or not is awful to me. I guess I love this fake world enough, but to know everything was a lie, it would kill me.
ReplyDeleteI think I’ve probably always looked into things too much and probably created too many alternate world scenarios. I can’t really remember when the fear started though. It’s just, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I know of is based on my senses. To doubt a sense is to doubt everything, and it would tamper with every aspiration I have. What if those aspirations didn’t even exist in reality? And I do like this life, I do, and I don’t know how upsetting it would be to know it’s not real so long as it was real to me, but I can’t imagine. To have everything I’ve lived by and intend to live by shatter in a cruel realization of fraud seems unbearable.
But as for fears that really stop me from doing things, I’m always afraid of rejection. That one can be pretty tough. Clouds up a lot of things actually. The worst part is it clouds up so many things I want in life. It’s evolved from always being oversensitive. I’ve learned a wonderful technique where you say “No regrets” and impulsively do whatever it was you were afraid to do. Within two seconds you regret every part of it, but if you can just trick yourself for that moment, it’s enough. My Dad is afraid of heights but I would drag him onto water rides. He just didn’t like the walk up, while I didn’t like the falling down. He told me, “Just imagine there’s a penny and slide towards it.” So there’s the penny, slide towards it, say “no regrets” and you can’t do anything after that impulsive moment is over. You’re already falling down and that next piece of your future has already been chosen. It may clear up your dream or fog up the window, but nobody can say you didn’t try.
Dreams are fanciful journeys we as humans often create. Dreams are essential when dealing with the throes of life. They have the power of transporting you to different places, of letting you feel relaxing emotions. And often times, if one focuses on their dreams hard enough, those dreams become aspirations and goals, and finally perhaps accomplishments. But often times those dreams are closed, locked away in some foreign cabinet and forgotten about. Often times, our dreams, and not just daydreams, but aspirations and goals, are effaced in fear of something or someone. Our fears are like parasites. They feed on our dreams and our lives, leaving us debilitated. And if you let that parasite remain for so long, your dreams will never see the light of day. Fears are infamous for driving individuals to not conquer their aspirations. And if you never get to live your dreams, always in fear of something, can you really say you’ve lived a decent life?
ReplyDeleteTrying to encompass the concept behind fear, is not the simplistic task. Fears can be anything and everything. The main thing about fears though, is that they hold you back. They haunt you, they eat at you, and often times you spend hours relentlessly trying to overcome these fears often to no avail.
Fears to me, range from petty little things like spiders and ladybugs, to the more complex issues. For a while, my fears contained the cliché losing the people I love and care about. It wasn’t until I dealt with death after death that I realized that, there’s no point in fearing death. It’s going to happen whether I want it to or not, and quite honestly, it’s something I can’t control. After that, I went through my “not succeeding phase.” It’s hard not to fear this, especially being an AP kid. I used to think that everything I lived for was based upon how far I went in life. But there’s more to people than that. There’s more to individuals than their class rank, SAT score, or where they attended college, or even whom they interned for in college. All those things are fine and dandy, but that’s not the only thing I want to be remembered for. “That Nyamekye Coleman, yeah she was a smart cookie. Went to [insert college name here] and got a great job being a [insert boring occupation here].”
ReplyDeleteIt wasn’t until I entered high school that I realized that my biggest fear is not knowing who I am, or who I will become. My personality has changed and adapted over the years, depending on who I was surrounded by or what certain life experiences I’ve went through. Though most people say it’s a part of growing up, I can’t help but face the daunting reality that I don’t know who I am, or what I want, or what I need for that matter. I’m walking around with a mask basically. Filling in somebody else’s shoes. I walk around all day like some puppet, and who am I being controlled by? God only knows.
My fears weren’t always this in depth. When I was younger I feared not being accepted or being scared of people’s opinions on me. But then I realized, that I shouldn’t give a fuck. Who are you to me? Why should I care what you think or me? In the long run, the people that are currently in my life, probably won’t be in my life after next year. In the world of Oakcrest, individuals may seem like a big deal, but after graduation, it’s sayonara suckers, have a great life.
As I’ve grown up, my fears have evolved depending on what events were plaguing me during that time. One thing I’ve noticed is that, I’ve always wanted to grow up. I can remember, being 3, and having quite the mouth on me, I remember telling my mother, “I don’t like your rules, I can’t want to be old so I can do what I want.” Needless to say, I was scolded for being disrespectful, but that was the one thing I’ve always wanted in life. To be an adult, be able to do my own things, be able to stand on my own two feet and finally be independent. But as I’m getting closer to being legal and I’m starting to realize and comprehend all the responsibilities that come with being an adult, I want to stay with mommy and daddy and let them solve all my problems.
ReplyDeleteThe sad thing about me, is that I’ve passed up many opportunities because of my fears. I’m always stopping myself from doing something that could really change my life. Before something happens, I’ll give myself a little pep talk. “You know, you can do it Nyamekye, you got this. Just take some deep breathes and everything will be okay.” But once I’m faced with the task at hand, I chicken out. Often times I’ve stopped myself from doing things. Going to theme parks with friends because I knew they all wanted to ride roller coasters (I’m scared of heights, and roller coasters) Not saying what I wanted to say, out of fear of people thinking I’m stupid, or mean etc etc. Not going to camp or a summer program out of fear that I wouldn’t meet any new people and be alone. And as a result, I’ve accumulated so many regrets I can’t even count them all. If someone would ask me the advice I would give to someone it would be to just Do it. Whatever it is. Whether you’re scared or nervous about something, it’s not worth the regret in the end.
Though there the word fear is surrounded by a mist of negativity, sometimes it’s good to have some fears. Fears can keep people grounded, especially if they’re the type of people who do things impulsively. A fear is good to have if say…your life was going to be in danger. There are often times where I’m glad I chickened out. I’m glad I was scared to ride in a car with someone and then watched them get into car accidents. I’m happy I didn’t go swimming in the ocean that one time there were terrible rip currents. The thing with fears is that you need to know when to apply them. Common sense and personal fears make a good combination when trying to preserve your life.
I’m not afraid of the little stuff. Horror movies make me chuckle. Swimming during a lightning storm? Sounds like fun. Spider crawling up my arm? Hello there, little guy! Home alone at night? Partayy! I’m not saying this just to brag about how much of a badass I am. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. The fears that engulf my thoughts at night, though not numerous, are debilitating.
ReplyDeleteI fear love. Don’t listen to the Disney movies and the sappy romance novels. Love is an awful, terrifying thing. To love someone is to open up to them absolutely, to set aside the masks you wear for the rest of the world. To love is to be emotionally naked. What if, after seeing my truest colors, I’m not good enough? Out of fear of this rejection, I often keep people at a distance. So maybe it isn’t exactly love that I fear. Maybe it’s vulnerability. To love someone is to allow them to have power over you, and with this power comes the very real possibility of heartbreak. I’m not just talking about romantic love. Every single person in my life that I care about has this power over me, but with varying degrees. At the top of the list are my parents. We seldom get along, but (and I’ll never admit this aloud) they mean more to me than anything in this world. At the thought of losing my parents…I just don’t see how I could ever recover. Though I usually consider myself a hopeless romantic, late sleepless nights sometimes turn my fantasies into fears.
I’m afraid of being suffocated. I don’t mean physically suffocated, though I can’t imagine being strangled is very much fun. I’m talking about a loss of freedom. Being young has always frustrated me because of the lack of independence we are granted in youth, but I’ve learned to push through these years, in anticipation of those to come. The only reason I can accept the systemized, adult-manufactured life I am boxed in to, is because I know that one day I will break free of these constraints. “All good things are wild and free,” right? One of my biggest fears is long-term imprisonment, whether emotional or physical. To not have the world to set out before me, waiting to be conquered, is a more dreadful thought than my brain can process.
Although some fears are intrinsic to the very core of a person, others flip-flop in the wind. For example, I used to fear ambiguity in my life. The thought of not having a direction or a concrete path set out before me made me tremble. Maybe I’ve become too complacent in recent years, or maybe I’m just learning to appreciate the beautiful unpredictability of life. Either way, what makes me tremble today is quite the opposite: I fear being tied down and cemented into one path. I fear being caged in and forced to perch when there is an entire planet throughout which I can soar.
Fear is not chosen. It lives within each of us innately and eternally like a disease, or jumps up unexpectedly and latches on like a leech. For this reason, fear indicates the very foundation of a person. The deepest measure of one’s mind and heart can be gauged by their fears.
My interpretation of this quote is that it says what many other quotes have said before it, in a different way. For example: “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” And also, “If you think you are beaten you are.” What all these quotes have in common is that they address the vitality of overcoming the power of the psyche when doubt and fear strongly influence decision. In other words, the meaning behind this quote is that if your fear is stronger than your belief, you will never succeed.
ReplyDeleteA ‘fear’ is either a tangible thing or a thought/concept that causes one discomfort, worry, or intimidation. Fear is first recognized when as children we discover that we are not invincible creatures. We fall off a bike for the first time and fear pain. Psychological studies have proven that when our mothers walk away from us for the first time as infants, we feel helpless, fearing that they will not return. As we mature, our experiences shape our fears; we grow out of the childish frights of our early years and into new fear- real fear.
This “real fear” can be categorized as what we have a right to fear, based on knowledge and fact. For example, something I never thought twice about was college debt, unemployment rates, taxes, cost of living, etc…These things; these realities have begun to truly scare me as I become more educated on them.
Currently as a junior in high school, I fear that I am not where I should be... I’m not scared of the future; I’m scared that I’ve put off preparation for it. I’m scared that I will not live up to the standards set by my brother (we’re extremely competitive in this way). I’m scared that I will not live up to the standards set by myself. I spent too much of my life breezing by in condescension. There is so much that I want for myself and expect of myself…the most important thing right now is to get there. I’ve always been serious about these things, but this is the first year that I ever felt like I was ‘behind’ other students. And it has given me a motivation to once again feel like an equal.
As a sophomore and freshman, I had similar fears, but to a much lesser extent. I mostly feared social isolation, losing myself, and the deteriorating mental state of my best friend at the time (refer to my first OP). Comparative to my fears now, my jadedness has made me scared of more severe things and less scared of what I’ve grown to overlook or overcome; the dark, long hallways, spiders…wait nope, still scared of spiders. My fears used to be normal, petty things, and maybe they still are. However now I see them as serious matters; now I see fear as something that exists past my self-centeredness and past the curtain of scary movies. I fear these thoughts and possibilities because they have suddenly become relevant to me. I stopped fearing the trivial matters because the bigger fears seemed to overshadow them with age. The ‘scary’ aspect is that I’m a girl who has just begun to feel the weight of the world and for the first time it cannot be ignored.
How often do I stop myself from doing something because of fear? Never. I don’t fear failure. I fear that I have not worked hard enough to be where I should. I fear that I will let myself down. However, in cases where my safety is at risk, for example skiing a double black or jumping off a bridge, it is fear (and perhaps logic) that will turn me away. I didn’t consider those examples to be of importance in this context, though. I’ve never let intimidation or dread of something keep me from trying. It just isn’t my way. I usually don’t give myself a lot of positive credit in blogs so I believe it’s fair to say that makes me brave. As for my fears? They make me human. Fear is never exactly a “good” thing, but one always feels a sense of pride when they accomplish something they felt trepidation over. And to feel fear, in most situations, is a self-reminder that you care.
We don’t have anything to fear but it. The secret to existence is to have none of it. It has been again and again defined but is still an intangible, elusive concept to point fingers in. When Manin Morrissey spoke of fear, he related it to faith. Faith is the elevator on which your dreams board to ascend the shopping mall of accomplishment. However, a major electrical breakdown stalls your climb to achievement, and it is caused by fear. Fear is a cancer that metastasizes in the organs of your dreams, slowly crippling them, and rendering them useless. But, fear is a disease that can be easily cured by willpower.
ReplyDeleteFear is the refusal to acknowledge difference; fear is the unknown staring you in the face. By any means, many believe that fear is the manifestation of ignorance. Most irrational fears come from the lack of knowledge about whatever one is scared of. However, that hypothesis is shattered by my own fears. I spend a good portion of my life studying the intricacies of spider-kind. I was enraptured with the likes of spiders, however, the reason I was so interested, was because I was so scared of the little guys. Still, to this day, while my knowledge of spiders may be impressive it serves little to help me overcome my fears of their disgusting eight legged-ness. Not to mention praying mantises.
Possibly the biggest fear that has plagued my life is the fear of weather. Unlike my fear of spiders, my fear of weather was luckily banished by my knowledge. This fear was irrational, every time it stormed I’d be glued to the television watching the forecasts, praying a tornado was not impending. I spent my days reading books about tornados and hurricanes. In my off time from reading, I’d watch the weather channel. I could tell you about every weather pattern, I was particularly fond of El Nino. So why, was I so scared of weather even though I knew my house probably wasn’t going to be destroyed? In this particular case, my understanding of the subject of my fear had simply induced more fear into me.
Since the days of my youth, my fears have evolved from concrete subjects to more intangible ideas. I am scared of delving deep into the unknown abyss of my future. However, my fear of the world ahead does not suppress my urge to plunge into the mysterious. I believe that my fear is an asset to my well being. My fear keeps me motivated. Fear is the roaring pacific, and my motivation is a rowboat. Through the toughest storms, I stay fast with my ship. Abandonment is not an option, and at some point, I shall reach sanctuary.
Fear of the tangible has played a minor part in the definition of me at the current time. The fears of the intangible have shed light on life from a darker perspective. I look from the bow of my ship into the murky deep and I see failure, greed, loneliness, and hatred compiled in the waters. However, I will let the buoyancy of my success, philanthropy, accompaniment, and love lift me above the fears of the future that plague me.
Nyamekye: I too always wanted to grow up. I remember being five and sitting there playing dolls and saying, “I can’t wait to grow up. I can’t wait to fall in love and get married and have kids.” And as the years have gone by, I can’t imagine leaving home and everything I’ve ever known. I don’t fear the responsibility, I just don’t want to leave my parents and my friends. And I also am afraid of spiders and ladybugs…and heights and rollercoasters. Lately, I’ve tried to man up and I can usually push back the fear until I’m strapped in, and then I usually start crying. And it’s not really worth it, honestly. It’s only a great experience if you have fun or like telling people all the big scary roller coasters you’ve been on. But it is true, fears can keep you from doing really stupid stuff and losing all of your friends or your life.
ReplyDeleteRachel: In what kind of situation would you be tied down for so long? Do you mean like a job or a financial situation? As you well know, I’m not the biggest fan of commitment either. Don’t really need to go much into that one… But what kind of thing wouldn’t you be able to break out of with just a choice? I can definitely see how long can tie you down, because that almost takes away the choice, but unless you killed somebody, I feel like you’d be able to change pace whenever you wanted to.
Connie: A lot of the times I feel like I breezed by too, and now looking back on the time I spent relaxing, I see how much more I could have done with it. But I really admire your bravery, and it is brave. I’ve always feared failure, unfortunately, and it’s something I’m working on. People shouldn’t want to fail, but people shouldn’t be afraid of failure, because it’s impossible not to.
Once upon a time, a coach once told me “You need to stop thinking about not losing, and think about winning.” I definitely see a similarity in both of these quotes. They call attention to the point that we much too often worry about the negatives instead of the possible positives. My mom persuaded me to read The Secret one time, and although it was without a doubt the worst book I’ve ever read, it contained a similar message. Think about the things that can go wrong, and all those things will come true. Think only about success, and its guaranteed to follow. I think there’s a poster in Bunje’s room that says something like “Don’t think about the hundreds of ways to miss a ball, just think about the one way to hit it” Even though I’m sure that’s not completely accurate, it coincides with Morrissey’s quote.
ReplyDeleteA fear can be a subject, place, person, thing, or idea that causes people to use avoidance. If you have a fear of flying, you avoid planes. If you have a fear of clowns, you avoid circuses. If you have a fear of dying … well… I guess you should avoid nursing homes and cemeteries. Although these are silly examples, even more expansive fears can be put under this definition.
My biggest fear is failure. To better define failure, it is the lack of success. There are two reasons why I fear failure. First, as almost all of you can see, the world is filled with … well … not so outstanding citizens. No one aspires to be below average with the rest of the prole population. I want to be great, and the feeling of not being great scares the crap out of me. The second reason, is that I’m well on my way to success, and losing it would be a catastrophe. Don’t label this as arrogant, but I’d like to think that I’m pretty much on the path to a bright and successful future. If I were to lose that bright future, I’d see myself as a failure, and that also scares the crap out of me. I guess I’ve always had this fear filed somewhere in the back of my mind, but not until now has it become so important. Young people seem to have no concern of the future, and I used to be one of those kids. About the time Junior year started, I was glowered at by reality, and I realized I was on the edge of failure. When we are all younger, “Failing” is not really a concern. It’s not until we grow older that we can think back in time to all the things we should’ve done differently.
Compared to how I used to be, I stop myself a LOT from doing things. Mostly, all because of the fear of failing. I used to have a very risky attitude and mindset. It was fun while it lasted, but thinking back on it, it was pretty pathetic. What happened was that I started realizing there were more things I regretted DOING than things I regretted NOT DOING. When that happens, you start to notice something is not right. As a person becomes older, risk generally increases along with age. It got to the point where the risk was greater than the reward for most things. As a said before, the risk of failure scares the crap out of me, so I tend to stray away from anything that might be detrimental to my future or success. But to me, this fear is a good and beneficial thing. I’d agree that most fears bog people down from experiencing new things, but certain fears, like mine, are beneficial. I hope I never lose the fear of “Failure”, regardless if that makes me sound like an old person or not. So going back to Mary Morrissey, fears aren't necessarily a bad thing, just don’t allow them to gain to much power over you.
Amber, I found “I’ve learned a wonderful technique where you say “No regrets” and impulsively do whatever it was you were afraid to do. Within two seconds you regret every part of it” to be hilarious. It’s really true though, you can convince yourself (or even anyone else for that matter) to do something just by adding “No regrets”. It’s like we all have a fear of not experiencing. Or perhaps we are just all very gullible.
ReplyDeleteNyamekye, you place a lot of thought on discovering “who you are”, but have you every considered that people have no defined personality. Sometimes I think that everyone is a product of their surroundings, and that we have no instinctive way to live, act, or behave. You said “who am I being controlled by?” and sometimes I think the answer is nothing. Maybe nothing controls us, and maybe we shouldn’t be discovering who we are, but who we would like to be. But then again, I don’t have all the answers, just opinions. I must add, your response was very well written and constructed. My favorite line of yours, which I probably say in my head about everyday, is “but after graduation, it’s sayonara suckers, have a great life.”
Rachel, I must say that also shared you fear of being suffocated (not literally). There was nothing I hated more growing up then my lack of freedom. Being much older, I now have the freedom that I’ve always yearned for since I was little. Even though I don’t have complete freedom (that may be many, many years away), to think of losing my independence is horrifying. Love is also a fear way up there on the Fear-O-Meter.
Mary Manin Morrissey, to me, is spot-on with her opinion about fear. What she said means that a person cannot achieve their goals if they let their fear overcome their trust that everything will be okay, or trust in God. If one feels that their worst fear will come true and doesn’t do anything about it, then he will never reach their goals. Faith isn’t corporeal (I really didn’t mean to use vocabulary words), which is why she could compare fear to faith. Fears, although they may be manifested by real objects/creatures, are always strongest in the mind. Our minds make everything more than they really is, so to overcome fear means to trust faith to repel what we fear.
ReplyDeleteMorrissey’s definition of fear and mine are very similar. When I imagine something that causes fear, I think of things that are unknown and unable to be controlled. Knowledge and command are prerequisites for having no fear.
Knowledge, in simplest form, is understanding what it is we fear, how it scares us, why it is fearsome, and when our fear arises. What we fear dictates the other three pieces of knowledge because if there is no what, then there is nothing to fear, and knowing this is the first step to knowing how to overpower our fears. How something scares us is important to determine the best method of resolving fear by attempting to change what our fears do to us. Why something frightens us deals with how our minds operate, and easing our minds can help us deal with our fears. Finally, discovering when something worries us can help mend the conflict within ourselves by avoiding the situation that we fear in the first place.
Command over our fears makes us, well, fearless. If a person has a fear of the dark, by putting in a nightlight, he takes command over his fear. By taking command over his fear, he can no longer fear it, and his problem is solved. Control is something that people like to wield because it makes them feel safe and knowledgeable of their surroundings.
My biggest fear as of right now is what comes after right now. Well, it isn’t the future that I fear, but the possibility that I have not begun my future correctly, that I have missed something and I have no control over what will happen. My future is technically in my hands and I have complete control over it, but what I fear is that I have affected the future with my hands in ways that will not favor me at all, and my future will be horrible because of me. This is pretty irrational because of all the work I have put in to make it the best possible, but I can’t help but think about the things I could have done and the things that I may not do that should be done to have the best future possible. I have tried to plan out the rest of my life, but in the process I realized that I don’t know enough about my own life to make educated decisions beforehand. I am a very indecisive person, which makes my decisions take that much longer to be formed. I fear that the decisions that I will have to make quickly will be detrimental to the rest of my life because I have no control over those decisions.
ReplyDeleteWhat I used to be afraid of was stupid stuff like darkness, spiders, and terrorist bombers (sorry to those that put one of these as their fear). I can imagine that this shift from a compilation of stuff to the unknown of what has yet to come suggests that I have become more self-aware and less focused on the small things in life so I look at the big picture instead. As I progress further in my life, I can imagine that my fears will change dramatically to worldly things such as economics and politics or maybe death as I come closer to old age.
Very often I find myself not doing certain things for fear of changing my distant future and possible success in the world. When I do, I do not regret not doing those things because I believe that I have prevented a horrible future from becoming me. Of course, for me, the best times to fear is when I can make a decision because then I know that I will make a decision that is best for me in the long run (like being scared when there is a man with a gun in your face threatening to kill you for your money. Being scared would then be useful). Being scared, for me, would not be good when I am trying to make a simple decision that will not hurt me unless I don’t do it, in which case being scared would just be irrational and cause me to possibly miss the opportunity.
To deal with my fear of negatively affecting my future, I try to just forget the future and go along open-mindedly and make decisions quickly but intelligently. In the back of my head I know that no matter what I do (unless it is completely stupid like killing someone), I will have a perfectly fine future and I shouldn’t worry about it. By tapping into my “I’m-gonna-do-what-I-want-because-everything-will-be-fine” mode, I can relax and stop stressing over life. Of course, I still fear that my future is in jeopardy constantly, but I just try and let that roll off of me and stick with being free and worriless.
Whoops, I had a little gender confusion about Morrissey. I read her name as Many (Manny?) not Mary.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been thinking a lot about what the idea behind Morrissey’s quote for a couple of months now. My fears have been on my mind lately, and they sometimes make me feel helpless and that there is no way I can conquer them. I love Morrissey’s quote – it’s exactly how fears and dreams should be approached. If you let your fears outweigh your faith and strength, it’s all over. The fears win. Morrissey’s quote also reminded me of one by Theodore Roosevelt, “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.”
ReplyDeleteThis quote addresses the fear of failure, which I have. I keep a notebook where I write down things I want to complete by certain ages, and where I see myself in five years, ten years etc. (Kind of corny, I know). When we created our own stars for our goals and dreams, there was so much I wanted to accomplish. I barely had room on the star to finish. Writing everything down can make everything a reality to me. I’ve always been sort-of obsessed with lists. I write lists for everything. I like them and they keep me organized. So of course I have a list with what I want to accomplish in life. So after I wrote this list, of course I came up with a million different ways I wouldn’t be able to accomplish my dreams. I fear not completing my lists, which are my hopes and dreams.
Another fear I have is not experiencing life. When my life comes to an end, there’s nothing I can do to turn back the clock. I fear looking back when I’m eighty and saying “Damn. I really missed out.” That thought haunts me all of the time. I don’t want to waste my life away. Going along with this thought, I also fear losing who I am. I fear being eighty and being a nasty old lady who hates everything good and beautiful about life. I fear losing my childhood-like mentality. That doesn’t mean I want to be immature for my entire life. But I don’t want to be that person who hates doing anything that they used to love to do. When I’m fifty, I still want to be a more mature version of who I am. So I suppose that means I don’t want to lose who I am on the inside. I’ll just add things I like to do to my lists, and keep being who I am.
I fear being unhappy for long periods of time. Sure a dose of unhappiness is good once in awhile. It makes you appreciate the times when things are going well. But I don’t want those doses to last for five plus years. I suppose everyone fears that though.
ReplyDeleteOkay, my last fear may seem very lame and overdramatic, but I fear not being able to fall in love. I fear being an old lady and not have someone to sit next to and say “remember when.” I want that one true love in my life. That one love where he sweeps you off your feet and he seems to make everything better. Some people fear love and I respect their views and how they fear the heartbreak that comes after losing love. And yeah, it absolutely sucks and it hurts when it ends, but I don’t fear it. I know I’ll find people I’ll fall for and they just completely screw me over, but I’m willing to feel that pain after it ends in exchange for the happy times we share. I just fear that every single love I find will end. I just want there to be that one time when it doesn’t end. I truly believe in the statement, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”
Since eighth grade to now, my fears have pretty much been the same ones. I can’t say anything has changed majorly, except now I probably fear them more. I can see my fears playing out in front of me more than I used to. I can see myself being a lonely, old cat lady who lives in a dark, drab house and never gets out.
I think my fears stem just from who I am and what my personality has always possessed. I just think they have become more intense because I’m older. I feel like I have less time to do things. It’s closer to when I should be completing those dreams of mine, and gaining responsibility, and living by myself. That makes my fears a very possible reality.
I think I’ve gotten better with dealing with my fears in some aspect. I’ve learned to deal with, and sometimes even overcome, the little things I feared. But my bigger fears still infest my mind when I try to sleep at night. I’m trying to deal with those fears still, but it’s a work in progress. There is always going to be something I fear in life, so I might as well learn to start dealing with it. I deal with my fears by trying to ignore them sometimes, which is always a bad idea. I’ve even had some pep-talks with myself that everything is going to be okay and that there is nothing I can do about it. Wow, I sound so lame writing that down.
To me, if someone doesn’t fear anything, they’re completely fake. Everyone fears at least one thing. Whether it’s failure, love, commitment, being alone, death, bugs, or heights. There are so many fears. Some may seem silly to some people, but hey, they are still fears. That’s why there are so many phobias in the world, like xenophobia. Some people may think, who would ever fear a stranger, but some people really do fear them, so you should respect it. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to have fears. Everyone has them. They teach you hope, faith, and strength. When you finally overcome your fears, you learn a lot about yourself. They keep you true to yourself and don’t let your head get too big. So people who say they fear “nothing” I won’t ever believe you. You sound cocky, and who really likes that?
Rae: I really liked your last paragraph. It was beautifully said and very true. Someone’s deepest part of their mind and who they truly are is exposed when they reveal what they fear. You can tell a lot about what a person values from what they fear. I was just wondering about your fear of feeling tied down, what are you being tied down to? I understand what you mean by being tied down in an occupation or where you live, etc. but I think at any point in time, if you have enough effort and determination, you have the ability to rewrite how your story is going. You can change the characters, the setting, the plot, and you even have the chance to change the ending if you work hard enough. You always have the power of change. Don’t forget that (:
ReplyDeleteConnie: Like always, I love reading your blogs. You have a way of expressing what you’re feeling so well into writing. Particularly, this week I liked your quote about baseball. Also, I share your fear of not being prepared or not living up to your expectations. I think every person feels that at one point or another, and sometimes more than once. Don’t worry. From what I can tell, you’re going to do just great in life.
Matt: I’ve also had a strange fear, yet fascination with the weather. I know that the likelihood of my house being ripped apart by a hurricane, tornado, etc. is very slim, but I still fear it. I think I have this fear/fascination going on with it, because I know how beautiful, yet powerful it is. It’s able to create a sunny, sparkly day in June, but it also able to easily able to rip apart homes and take lives.
Tom:
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean when you say you're scared of not knowing what comes next. It's a daunting task going into the world blind. I often stop myself from doing things because I'm scared of the effect it could have on my future as well. However, I've realized that I need to start taking risks. I don't think I can be living in a bubble the rest of my life.
Rachel:
I feel like we've talked about one of your fears in Latin. We talk about a lot in Latin. So, I remember having the conversation of you about loving someone unconditionally and telling them everything. It scares me too. I don't know what it would be like to completely let someone into my mind. It scares me. And yet, I think it would be nice in a way. For someone to know who I am. It'd be like a little secret between us. But anyways, I remember talking about marriage with you too. I hate imagining being with just one person the rest of your life. I think it's kind of restrictive. There's so many people, and so many relationships you can experience. Why spend it with one person? They'll most likely get boring....
Connie: I understand many of your fears, they're sort of in line with what I fear. Anyways, I like how you never let your fears stop you from doing anything. I wish I could be that way, but unfortunately I'm not. It sucks having an older sibling to live up too, but I can assure you that you're going to go far. You have the drive and determination needed to truly be successful. :)
You're doing a great job, Langers. Your responses are so well-thought out and heartfelt. It's quite inspiring, really.
ReplyDeleteI have only one question--when the heck did ladybugs become scary? I feel like I have seen you (collective, because I can't remember exactly who) post things on a fear of ladybugs before, and I always found them to be the least gross of all the bugs out there--sort of pretty and, well, lady-like.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, fear is a topic that I’ve been waiting to come for quite a while. By the way Bunje, thanks for giving me a specific place to start! That’s normally the hardest part about writing.
ReplyDeleteMary Manin Morrissey’s (what a tongue twister!) quote means that if you let fear rule your life without enough hope to balance it out, then you won’t be able to accomplish whatever it is that you want to do in life. The message is a bit cliche, but heck aren’t all aphorisms? This is one of the many cliche methods of living that I abide by, so for anyone who thinks it is a piece of mumbo jumbo do me a favor and get lost! That being said, let’s talk about fear.
So I’ve been hanging around John Berchtold a lot this year between Student Council and Drama. No, I’m not afraid of John Berchtold. He’s helped me to learn a lot about what fear really is. For all of you who are somewhat close friends (or even if you just casually know him) you would easily know that he has an obsession with haunted attractions and roller coasters. Through hanging out with him a bit more this year he’s rubbed off on me to the point where I went to at least one haunted attraction site a week in October. That experience has taught me what fear is.
Fear is an uncomfortable sensation. The feeling of fear comes at that exact moment in which you do not like your position in a situation. A lot of time, it is expressed when the “unknown” is present. Anyone who is afraid of the dark is not afraid because of the darkness itself. They are afraid of what they can’t see in the darkness. The idea of the unknown and the feeling of being uncomfortable is the one thing that all good haunted attractions have in common. My favorite moment of a haunted walk I went to this year was when a huge mountain of bubbles blocked the path in the maze. It sounds stupid on paper, but it’s safe to say that anyone who encountered the bubbles that night did not know what to do and at least paused at that point of the maze. To me, fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It builds character when you overcome a fear. More importantly, fear can be fun, but I’ll get to that later.
There is one fear that I have that I do not consider “fun.” Sure, things that can be considered “unknown” that are present at haunted attractions can put chills down my spine. I’m not afraid of them though. I’m afraid of something that I happen to know too much about, preying mantises. This is a fear that has been stuck with me my whole life. Some say that it’s irrational, but I have my reasons. Imagine a creature that can fly at your face that you can’t harm. That creature, is a praying mantis. Yeah, I bet most of you didn’t know they had wings. Well the thing that creeps me out about them is that even though they aren’t endangered, they are protected by the law. This means that you can be attacked by one and not be able to do anything about it. And hey, these are fiends that have a type of martial arts that is modeled after them. As others in this class can testify, I can’t even look at a picture of a praying mantis without jumping.
ReplyDeleteIn the past, I had other fears. I used to be afraid of heights and spiders. I could look down from the top of the Empire State building and hold a tarantula without flinching now though. They were mild fears when I was little that I got over with rather quickly. The only time that heights ever freaked me out since he second grade was probably when I was helping my dad put Christmas lights on top of our roof when it was windy. I just wasn’t able to stand up on the roof because I didn’t want to slip or fall off after my dad fell off a latter the previous summer while painting the house.
It’s pretty safe to say that fear has evolved away from me in the “scary” sense. It has become more of a mode for entertainment than it has kept me from staying up all night. I notice that with my new version of fear I can understand how others tick. I know when others are afraid to do something, like public speaking, and how I can help them overcome these fears when I’m leading them in a group or I’m just helping them out in general.
Needless to say, I don’t let fear stop me. Luckily, praying mantises aren’t that frequently spotted around here. Even if I’m afraid to try something new out, I tend to suck it up and try it out. That’s how I learned that I like fish and that I hate duck. If I let fear get in my way, I would not be nearly as happy as I am now. If I didn’t try something out, I knew that I would regret it. Heck I used to be afraid of riding Kingda Ka and decided to try it once, I don’t regret riding it. What I do regret was thinking that it would be a fun ride and my fear of riding it (it didn’t even give me a rush).
That being said, feeling uncomfortable (aka fear) can lead to some fun. Any time that I ride El Toro I look at the drop and think to myself “Why the hell did I decide to ride this again” and then the rush of the first drop let’s me enjoy the ride. When fear invokes adrenaline rushes, it is a good thing. Adrenaline allows you to achieve what you may conceive to be impossible or dangerous. It gives you the feeling of being a super hero. That’s why I’ve grown to somewhat share John’s obsession of roller coasters and haunted attractions.
ReplyDeleteFinally, I don’t really deal with fear. I enjoy it. I look at every moment as a way to better myself and to learn something, so I tend to just roll with the punches and take my chances. My willingness to try different things has given me the greatest life that I could ask for thus far. As they say in Wicked “I’ve got to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap.” If for some reason there is a fear that stands in my way I just close my eyes, gather myself, and leap into action.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat I found myself thinking is that fear, for me at least, doesn't have a definite definition, it's just more of something that is felt. Fear is a gruesome ugly monster, with cold piercing cat-like eyes, that hides under the bed until you least expect it. "Grrrrrrrrr!!!", can be heard under the bed as you sleep at night. This sound echoes all throughout the owner of that bed, making him/her self slip into a catatonic state. Fear confines that person to that bed, with it's low sung out growls, making sure that it repeats this sound every so often as to make the owner hypnotized to it's soporific effects. However, though Fear tries, every so often a person is able to ignore those growls and jump out of bed, go downstairs and enjoy the fresh air of the new day. It's hard to describe an emotion without personifying it.
ReplyDeleteEvery year, it seems, I am asked "what I am afraid of?" (it seems to be a common question among friends and teacher) but my main answer never changes. I am afraid of death. The pith of the matter is that I'm afraid of the unknown of death. "What really happens when we die?" I have filled my head with the better story and told myself it's true, that heaven exists. The stories of God and a peaceful eternal resting place give me comfort. But I have doubts every once in a while, and every time I have those doubts that's when my fear shines through. This is the perfect illustration of that quote, if you let down your guard fear can just overtake a person. In addition, not knowing when I'm or anybody else that I care for, is going to die scares me. The only thing I know is that any moment anyone could be taken away from me and the time that we shared would be gone. The unknowns are a scary thing, and I think that’s where most of fears originate. In addition to being scared of death I was also afraid of these stupid things...
Going over bridges -(Thought they would collapse and all the cars would fall in the water.)
Constantly having to travel over bridges, to get to Virginia, to see my aunt solved this.
Going on roller coasters- (Thought I'd fall out)
Mikey G's party solved this problem.
Afraid of going on planes and helicopters (My fear of planes had heightened since 9/11. I kept telling myself that if I get on some kind of airborne craft it would malfunction and crash or get taken over by terrorist)
Recently was “forced” to get over this fear (unlike the others)
My problems also seem to originate from my pessimistic nature. It seems if I can obliterate that part of me my fears will be vanquished, however I don't see that happening. When I was afraid of these things, I'd usually just avoid situations that would involve them because I thought the worst of the situations. Avoidance is key when you don't want to be afraid. Now however, that I've gotten over these 3 things, if the topics ever come up I can face them head on.
Fear seems to have different effects on me depending on situations. With my main fear of death, fear inhibits me to enjoy life. I know it's cliche but I enjoy life to it's fullest. I hang with friends, doing all the things I enjoy. However when it comes to things such as not going on roller coasters, I now regret not going on them for 17 years of my life until recently. I now know the exhilarating thrill that comes with going on them. (And to think I almost missed the chance to try them)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTo Amber: It’s interesting that you say that fear is mainly focused around death. I’ve always said before that it is focused around what you don’t know. I guess if you tie the two together though death leads to the idea of an afterlife in which anyone can consider the unknown. Also, I like how deep you made this blog post. It was very well written! Oh, and our methods with dealing with fear are pretty much the same. I’d stop worrying about the idea of everything being fake though, even if it was it is still technically real from your stand point. So don’t worry about it!
ReplyDeleteTo Rachel: I’m sorry that you feel that way about love/vulnerability. In my opinion, love does not make you vulnerable. I define love as a feeling in which if you had to kill yourself to save another you would. I think that if you truly did love someone (and I mean that exact person, not what they appear to be), then they would probably feel the same way towards you. If by chance they didn’t, then it shouldn’t affect you unless you expect them to. Either way your love should still continue until a time that you realize they are not the person you thought they were or they have changed and it shouldn’t matter how they feel about you.
To George: I can understand your fear of failure, I just think that it isn’t beneficial. You see, you’re looking at failure as the end all be all. It isn’t (unless of course you’re goal is to jump across a ditch with spikes at the bottom, then it is). Little things that you can fail at bring a reality check into your life and teach you lessons, so if you were to convince yourself that failing would ruin your life then you won’t be able to learn. It’s like what Cervi said in class about millionaires, most of them lose their riches multiple times, each one does so and learns from their mistakes and bounces back.
During the winter of my freshmen year, I used to do my homework out in the sunroom. It was always filled with ladybugs crawling in to escape from the cold, which I don't really mind except they just end up starving inside. But they attack you! I've never flown anything before, but I don't see the necessity of them flying straight into me. They would always dive-bomb me right in my face. And even though they look all nice and friendly, I can still remember my Kindergarten teacher telling us that when ladybugs feel threatened, they ooze this yellow gunk that tastes so nasty that the bird won't ever want to eat another ladybug. If you're going to ooze nasty yellow stuff, don't bother calling yourself a lady. One time I was drinking a glass of milk and a split second before I took a sip, I saw a ladybug floating around. I don't know if it wanted to take a swim or if it wanted to choke me, but I angrily fished it out with a pencil and put it on the side table. Sadly, I guess it inhaled too much milk, and it stopped moving. I know, so sad. I tried my best. I smirked. Stupid ladybug. I don't kill bugs, but if you're a ladybug I'm not that sympathetic to drowning I guess. I fished it out and really couldn't do anything else. Luckily for me, ten minutes later I looked over and it's twitching. I swear it was dead still and now it was coming back to life in spite of me. Then they die and there's all of these dead little carcasses everywhere.
ReplyDeleteAnd have you ever actually watched a lady bug start flying? Those little "wings," the red with black spots, split sideways and the actual nasty insect wings unfold from underneath. And the thing that you think is the head, with the two white dots, ISN'T THEIR HEAD. They had a little tiny head on top of that head looking thing. Trust me, they're really ugly without the red little covers on!
To quote some people online:
-"YOU THINK IT'S CUTE BUT THEN IT HAS ALL THIS FREAKY ALIEN TENTACLE CRAP WHEN IT OPENS ITS WINGS AND IT SUDDENLY EXTENDS ITS TAIL
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW LADYBUGS HAD TAILS."
-"I ate a ladybug the other day, worst tasting insect."
I told you they didn't taste good. Just trust me, ladybugs are imposters are not very ladylike at all.
Still, I'm much more afraid of silverfish. They like to fall from the ceiling on me as well.
Morrissey is very accurate in her interpretation of fear and its ability or stifle our dreams. My understanding of the quote leads me to believe that Morrissey is communicating that fear is simply an obstacle that needs to be vanquished in order to reach a goal or a satisfying result. If the fear is allowed to root itself within our minds; it will grow stronger and eventually constrict us from moving forward.
ReplyDeleteFear is psychological. It is simply an obstacle that impedes our decision making and our ability to follow through with what we wish to do. The fear stems from the possibility of failure in trying to achieve our objectives. These fears can last for long periods of time; often relating to psychological issues or some underlying insecurity. Or they can be brought on suddenly like a flash of lightening. By this I mean that something ultimately dramatic could occur, and as a result; leave a scarring emotional effect that could persist for a short period or last longer depending on the help someone receives. Fears are synonymous with failure and its possible aftermath. Through this I’ve come to the conclusion that those undesirable chances of failure can essentially embody negative ideas or objects often symbolizing a greater insecurity. For example, I will admit that I am afraid of death, getting old, and the real possibility of no afterlife. Why is this? Well, I’ve had ample time to consider the possibilities. What I’ve realized is that my ultimate goal is to be very successful. A consequence of failure is not being happy, not leaving a mark on society, and not having lived a satisfying life. Because of this, I am afraid of growing elderly and not being able to accept my mortality. Success is my prime objective, and so I understand that there are numerous obstacles that are awaiting my presence. My fears are waiting patiently, they are waiting in various shapes and forms and in assorted magnitudes; they are anticipating for me to step up and vanquish them. Fears are subject to only one method of defeat: courage. Courage must come from within; it must be the individuals will to overcome a fear. There is no option of digging tunnels around our fears; the only way is straight through. It is the lone, audacious knight taking a stand against the dragon. Will you arise to the challenge?
I suppose I can say I’ve had the same fears since the time I was a child. The only difference is the context in which they may persist. When I was young, perhaps at the age of six or so, I was afraid of the notion of not existing anymore. When we are this young, we have typically not achieved much at all, and by that sentiment I succumbed to the fear of death. My fears, as I have stated, evolved in context of my desires for success. As we change and grow we are exposed to greater knowledge, and we become less naïve in the process. The downside to this is that our fears will morph as our minds do, and perhaps become even stronger. Again, will we arise to the challenge? And if so, when?
ReplyDeleteMy fears have halted me in my tracks plenty of times. I am inclined to believe this is a ubiquitous notion among us all. My fear of death or inability to achieve success often forces me to reconsider doing things. It is also a catalyst for my tendencies to worry constantly about trivial things. Despite this, fear can be considered beneficial in some ways. It can allow us to realize our goals even more clearly. It can make us realize our mortality and our short time in this world. A good way of dealing with a persisting fear is to grab a hold of it and take it on a wild ride. It is to be courageous and almost oblivious of its existence. It is to take a stand; to take that chance.
Since we were little, we’ve all had a dream of some sort; whether it was to become a veterinarian or to discover a cure for cancer, there has always been something we’ve strived to become, to do. As we’ve aged, our dreams have matured much like we have, and with said maturity comes the dissipating of the innocence that once went hand in hand with our youth. This innocence we had so long ago is what made childhood so enjoyable; no worries, no stress, just carefree livin’. With the worries and the stress comes the fear and with the fear comes the insecurities about whether we can attain our dreams. It’s all really quite sad, actually; fear is an idea. It’s something we build up in our heads as being malicious, when in most cases, it’s not at all. And yet, some of us let fear consume us and allow it to have paralyzing effects on us.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, I am terrified of spiders. Yes, the cliché claim of arachnophobia is one I’ve been using for years. I don’t know why, but it’s something in their ominous eyes and the way they move that send me into a state of hyperventilation and on occasion, tears. I remember a few months ago, there was a spider on my wall next to my light switch. Since no one was home and my cat defiantly refused to kill it for me, I was forced to defend myself. I grabbed about half-a-box worth of tissues and gradually mustered up the courage to whap my wad of tissues against the wall to kill it. Once I did, however, I missed. Classic. It scurried into the gap between the light socket and my wall, partially relieving my tension. I figured, hey, no big deal; it’ll probably die in there anyway. Skip ahead two days at around two in the morning. I woke up from a nightmare of some sort, taking deep breaths as I came to terms that what I had just encountered was only a dream. As I tilted my head back, I noticed an orange, fuzzy smudge on my pristine white headboard. As my eyes focused on the blotch, I realized it was that damn spider from two days ago. I leapt out of bed and bolted upstairs in hysterics, frantically screaming for my dad. He came down and killed it for me, finally giving me some ease. It’s maniacal instances such as these when spiders have clearly been plotting my death that makes me so afraid of them. Would I say it’s my biggest fear? Hell no. Would I say it’s a legitimate one? Without a doubt.
My biggest fear, I’d have to say, has just recently been exhumed. Ever since I started dating my (ex?) boyfriend, I’ve grown an acute case of monophobia, or the fear of being alone. Monophobia can occur in people in two distinct forms: (1) fear of being left alone by a specific person or (2) fear of being left alone entirely. I fall into the first case. For the past five months, he and I have spent every day talking to one another and seeing each other as much as possible. We’ve grown dependent upon one another; I know him better than anyone else, he knows me better than anyone else. It’s safe to say that he’s the most important person in my life. I am sad to inform, however, that on Monday, our five month relationship came to an end (I think). Naturally, I was in hysterics that day. If the thought of losing my boyfriend, the person I wasted the past few months of my life with, wasn’t upsetting enough, I was losing my best friend, too. All Monday, I was completely depressed. I literally bawled until I ran out of tears. Most Tuesday, I was pissed off. I was mad at myself, but more so, I was mad at him. Near the end of Tuesday and all of today (so far), things have been looking a little better. We’ve been talking, not arguing, and being progressive. We’ve worked through a few issues and right now, it doesn’t even really feel like we’re broken up. We’ve been all lovey and cute and obnoxious and shit, so I guess I’m neither upset nor angry at this point. I’m…okay. Anyway, he’s the reason I’m monophobic. It’s because we’ve spent so much time together and fallen in love with one another that I don’t ever want to be without that silly little feeling of butterflies he still manages to give me.
ReplyDeleteFor years, my main fear has been stupid spiders. But that’s because for years, I’ve never had an emotional attachment to anyone. I guess this shift in fears reflects my shift in personality and maturity. Having the put someone else before me has drastically changed who I am. I’m a better person, I think, because of that. It’s taught me selflessness. My monophobia has never once made me do something I regret. If anything, it’s stopped me from doing things that I would regret. The threat of losing Evan over something that could have been easily avoided was enough to make me stop and think because losing him, really losing him, is still not a truly conceivable concept. So this fear I have is good, I would say, because I have matured because of it and I have become more sensitive to others’ feelings than just my own.
I still feel like fear is a silly notion. I think that things like spiders or clowns (which I am also horrified of, I just didn’t want to go into that) are the types of fears that are all avoidable, we just exaggerate them so much in our minds, they become palpable fears. But I think fears such as monophobia, fears that are more conceptual, are positive in some way, shape, or form. They mold us, they mature us.
I would have to say that I agree with Manin Morrissey. If you let anyhting grow bigger than your faith you stop yourself from sucess. He's saying that if there is something, a fear for instance, that stops you from accomplishing something, then you've let your fear overcome you as a person.
ReplyDeleteNow fear is something that has haunted me my whole life. Since I was a child I have had fears; some have changed, some have not. In my short sixteen years I've experienced two different types of fears. One would be an idea, that like Morrisey said, stops you in your tracks. The other is and idea that never leaves your mind and motivates you, much unlike the first fear I described. The first type, for me, would be Santa Clause or penguins. Everytime I see or hear them/their names I freak the hell out. Now that it's Christmas time, you will NEVER see me on the bottom level of the mall. I immediately break down, shaking,
hyperventilating, almost crying when either of the two come about. The second
type of fear would be similar to my fear of being like my parents. Don't get me
wrong I love my parents and am proud to be from where I am from, but I start
shaking, just thinking about growing up and living the life my parents lead.
This thought always crosses my mind and motivates me to do well and break the evil
nadir my parents have created.
All three of these things keep me up at night. I know the first two seem a little,
well a lot crazy, but it's true. When I was in fifth grade my parents found out I
was afraid of pengiuns, that christmas every present I got had a penguin. For
the next week I couldn't sleep. All of these fears I've had for ever. You know
when kids are little their parents get yearly pictures with Santa; well when
looking back into old photos, I can't find a single one that I wasn't crying or kicking
in. One year I punched the guy in the face. True story, As for being like my parents,
that started when I was about six or seven. This was a few years after my car
accident and I realized how crappy my family's situation was. One year I spent
almost an entire winter without electric. From four o'clock to after my homework was done and
we were all showered I was at my grandparents house. We didn't have gas either
so if it got too cold we stayed at my grandparents. This really opened my eyes.
I realized that hard physical labor won't get you very far. I realized that love
and family values wouldn't pay the bills. From that point forword I was determined
to grow up and make enough money to live comfortablty. It scared me. I didn't
want to grow up and put my family through what I had to. I don't think that I will ever stop being afraid that I won't be able to support or care for my family. It has become a part of me, manifesting itself each and every day.
I often find myself not doing things because of my fears. On a more serious note
then the Santa story I told you earlier, I won't do drugs, or drink, or party. I
refuse. That's not becuse it's bad for your health or because it kills people
and tares families apart. That's because my family in general used to be a bunch of drug addicts. My parents got clean and have been since they got pregnant with my sister, thanfully. But all those years they did party didn't get them anywhere in life. To be truthful, if I didn't loose my electric so many winters ago I might be laying in an abandoned house somewhere with a needle hanging out of my arm. So, maybe everything happens for a reason. My
parents are great parents and I love them deeply. Their mistakes have motivated me
to be the best that I can be. In cases like this, fear is a life saver. My fear of straying from my plans have potentially saved me from slowly killing myself.
To Becca: I think a lot of people have the fear of being alone. I would say that I have a slight fear of this, nothing too serious though. I love talking, surprisingly. If I didn't have someone to annoy with my endless chatter, I would probably go insane. I give you props though. I don't think that a lot of people would just come out and say they have that fear!
ReplyDeleteTo Pat: I am not surprised, as usual, that you are afraid of death. It's a hard thing to cope. Personally if I am going to die, just let it happen, I just don't want to suffer. Death is so prevalent (spelling?) in everyday life. People die all the time. It could possibly be the worst thing that you have to endure as a person. I am not necissarily afraid of death, but I don't like it. You definately are not the only person I know that is afraid of their own demise, however. I would venture to say that death is near the top of the general fear list.
To Matt: I can't say that I have ever met someone that openly said they were afraid of weather. I don't know you very well, so I wouldn't have guessed that you would have said this out of everyone. To be truthful, I never thought about it. Weather can be scary. It is natures way of killing people. I suppose it's a good thing you live here sine we don't have extreme weather patterns. Hm.. that's interesting...
Like Connie, this quote made me recollect on all of the "inspirational" fear quotes I've heard in my life time. The more you let fear take control of your actions, the more you're going to regret those actions in the future.
ReplyDeleteFear to me is something that doesn't allow you to enjoy the greater things in life. Someone afraid of bugs doesn't realize that bugs are interesting creatures and some are extremely beneficial for the environment. Someone afraid of public speaking doesn't get to enjoy being recognized-being known.
If I were writing this blog 3+ years ago, I would've said my biggest fear is the dreaded roller coaster. Just the fact that anything can go wrong at any moment of the ride is something to think of as you're standing in line. Today, I enjoy roller coasters and they're no longer a worry. As I get older my current fear becomes more of a thought.
My biggest fear is something cliche and unpreventable. Death. It's something that's been going through my mind over the years, and even before high school. No one can stop it from happening. The matter of dying isn't my fear. It's what occurs after that that makes me wonder. A lyrical quote from the band Brand New, "I'm not scared to die,but I'm a little bit scared of what comes after. Do I get the gold chariot or do I float through the ceiling?"
Starting in middle school I became really shy and only talked to the people I knew in school. I never tried to make new friends or go outsize of my comfort zone. I improved as the years went on but it didn't really end until freshmen year. I certainly wasn't with the "live life to the fullest" mindset. I've been trying to be more productive with my time (an extremely hard task if you ask me) and more open when doing something.
Connie: Your fear of living below your standards is a "great" fear to have. It can keep you motivated and propel you above and beyond your expectations. I don't really think that it's a bad thing.
Amber: You're probably the first person I've heard of that's afraid of ladybugs. You wrote one of the more funnier stores I've read since we started writing on the blog. Fortunately I've never had a ladybug "release" yellow gunk on me.
Fear has the ability to take over someone’s life. If you let it, it becomes this huge road block not letting you go pass. Thus you’re stuck where you are. This is what this quote is saying. If you start doubting yourself and letting outside sources tamper with your goal you will not succeed. Its like this, you’re life long dream is to sail around the world. You love the ocean breeze, the scent of ocean water, and you would want nothing more then to surround yourself with it day after day. You even have a history of sailors in your family. It is sincerely in your bloodline to accomplish this mission. You know you can do it, its your destiny. But you can’t swim. You attempted several times to learn how but each time just seems more and more hopeless. Now you get nervous. You start asking yourself incessant, crazy questions. What if I fall over board, what if my life vest doesn’t work, what if the boat crashes and I must swim to shore for my survival? What if…what if…what if… (These questions have the power to take over your life as well). Then you start having this reoccurring nightmare of you falling over board and drowning. You wake up every morning gasping for air but thankful it was just a dream. And that’s it. You’ve made up your mind, you’re not going. You’re dream is down the toilet.
ReplyDeleteFear is normality. Its apart of human nature. It allows one to feel everything essential for the average person; vulnerability, shy, even shame. However at its worst fear is an obsession. People become obsessed with their fear and it consumes their lives. Personally, I don’t recall any time I’ve let my fears control my life. My fears range from bugs to masks, the dark to the ocean, and bridges to roller coasters (these are the silly fears). One of my more serious fears is my future, and everything about it. I don’t want to grow up doing something I hate, I couldn’t take it. And I can’t do the same thing day after day. It’s too conventional for me. I would seriously go insane. My biggest fear of all though is loosing someone I’ve grown attached to. This pain is worse then anything else in world, I’d rather death. When you’ve grown attached to someone you build a bond with them; share experiences, hardships, laughs, and you even grow dependent on that person to some extent. You expect this person to always be there for you and then with a blink of an eye, not even by their choice sometimes, they’re gone. This feeling eats away at you. It twists your stomach and messes with your head. It’s a feeling that I personally don’t know how to do deal with, it’s a feeling that I’ve grown to fear.
I don’t think anyone has had the same fears as juniors as when they were 8th graders or even freshmen and sophomores too. The development of fears comes with a growth in maturity. You begin to realize what’s truly important in life and what’s not. Thus you develop new fears. In 8th grade I was scared of spiders, now I’m simply afraid of loosing someone dear to me. It came with my growth as a person.
ReplyDeleteHowever I don’t think this fear has ever stopped me from getting close to people. I’ve been hurt plenty of times loosing my loved ones either through death or whatever else but just because I’ve experienced this and gained this fear doesn’t mean I’m going to stop letting people in. I’m not going to shut out the world. I’m still going to open my arms wide with the biggest smile on my face for the next person to ingress my life, my hearts too big for anything else. I’ll never let my fear grow bigger then anything else in my life, especially my heart.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t have much faith in anything. Sure, it’s easy to hope something will happen. It’s even easier to interpret statistics in such a way that one result out of many is seemingly inevitable. However, I accept the fact that the universe is held together mostly by entropy. It’s impossible to know what will happen in the moment after this one, so having faith in … well, anything, really … is not only impractical, but highly irrational, so there’s that.
ReplyDeleteThe point is, if I block my dream by allowing my fear to grow bigger than my faith, then either I have no fear (not true) or I am most certainly blocking my dream (possibly true, considering I have no idea what my “dream” actually is). That is my personal interpretation of the quote.
My biggest fear may or may not be an irrational one: what I fear most is lack of change. While some people don’t like change at all, I embrace it. To me, change is a part of that aforementioned universal entropy that holds us all together. If I reserve myself in such a way that it becomes impossible to have an effect on the world around me … well, that’s a version of hell I can’t imagine. To be completely insignificant, to have the world be not any better or any worse than it is now should I cease to exist: this is the single worst feeling in the world. That’s why social interaction is so important to me: if I can’t affect people in even the smallest way, then what purpose do I serve? Existential thoughts like these “keep me up at night,” or, rather, occupy my thoughts while I’m in school making an effort to do anything BUT learn.
Maybe I’m a hypocrite. Hey, that’s my other biggest fear! … Man, I really need to get my priorities in order.
Tom: I think many of us nerdy little Langers are able to relate to your fear of unintentionally botching the future. Obviously since we're all overachievers, our futures are probably the most sacred things to us simply because we're not drowning ourselves in the massive workloads I know we're all deluged by for nothing; it's to set a foundation for a better life. But knowing you, your future is secure. You're a smart kid and I doubt that you could have done anything so detrimental to your plans as to ruin them altogether.
ReplyDeleteRachel: Your evolution from fear of not having a concrete path to fear of being restrained is really quite admirable, really. I've known you for a while now and although we're not super close or anything, I do know how timid you used to be. Over the years, you have shown (even if you don't think you have) a sizable shift in your personality, your confidence. It's so venerable because you have every reason in the world to be proud of who you are and your accomplishments, and now you are. Maybe the fear part isn't so great, because I mean, who likes being afraid of things? But it really shows how much you've grown over the years and I give you props for that. :)
George: I'm glad someone else has the opinion that some fears are good. You hit on a lot of the same points I ([was going to], whether I did or not is debatable) hit; like certain fears being good or fears stopping us from doing something we'd ultimately regret.
Fear can hinder you from achieving your dreams. The word “dreams” can be defined as goals to reach perfect happiness. You have an amount of confidence in your pursuit to reach these goals, which Morrissey represents with the word “faith.” Fear can reach overwhelming heights, and when it has it diminishes your faith. I find the most interesting word in this quote to be “allow” because it sounds accusatory. If you do nothing to stop your fear from growth, then this is what will happen. You allowed this to happen.
ReplyDeleteFear is a feeling that may result from several different things. The most obvious source of fear comes from the sense of danger. People are concerned with their bodily health and, of course, their lives. Many people claim to be unafraid of death, and though some of them tell the truth, it is a fear that is common. No single fear is a characteristic of every person, however, because everyone fears different things. Fear is something that reduces progression in certain situations because of concern for oneself or others.
Most people are able to throw out their biggest fear to anyone who asks, but I am not. I have so many fears, but they are all so very small. The biggest fear I can conjure is my fear of heights. I’ve been afraid of heights since I was a toddler. My father used to pick up one of his sons and spin him around in the air, and I remember David really enjoying the dizzying motion. When my father picked me up above his head I screamed and kicked out and tried to push him away. Capitulating to my immaturity, he would put me down and tell me his intentions were not to harm me. Even now I’m afraid of heights, but I’ve overcome a significant degree of that fear. Unlike those who are proud to swear against it, I have a fear of death. Death is something that I simply cannot comprehend. I doubt anyone without a near-death experience can come close to a comprehension of death. Apart from the physical component of death, I fear what comes after. I am a Christian and believe in a Heaven and Hell, but I question myself sometimes. I tell myself that I truly believe, but do I? How can I confirm? Is my current state of faith enough for Saint Peter to let me in? These questions are the most disconcerting of my position on my own death. Not only do I fear my death, but I fear the death of anyone close to me. I do not have much experience in this field, and I’m afraid that the death of someone I love would toss me into an abyss of depression. One thing I lament fearing is the disapproval of others. I don’t just mean a father-son relationship, I mean anyone. I try not to seek approval, but I wonder what I’ve said or done to not be approved. It’s a fact that we all have to accept, and I just find it difficult sometimes.
I’ve been afraid of heights, death, and social rejection for at least most of my life. But these fears have changed in scope over my past years in high school. I never really thought much about death earlier in my life because I’ve never been exposed to it much. Such a concept is too complex and unsettling for a young mind to explore. In these recent years I have been mentally challenged (not handicap) enough for my mind to grow, and death is a concept that I’m mature enough to inspect. I believe last year, my sophomore year, was the year I began to “come out of my shell,” as some people call it. For some reason I don’t really like that phrase, but what I mean is that I’ve become less shy. I could always make my close friends in middle school laugh, but I never really knew my potential. I found that I’m the best in the world at jokes that include dramatic and comical arrogance; and I can be witty sometimes. My fear of social rejection has been reduced drastically from this transformation. I’ve noticed that my fear of death has increased as its implications become evident to me. Lastly, my fear of heights is rarely exercised and has remained consistent over the past few years, falling below my other fears.
Whenever I stop myself from doing something out of fear, regret usually follows. This is because the “something” that I want to do is usually important to me and I want to get it done. A good example, and rather embarrassing one, is asking a girl out or asking her to dance. This is a goal that leads to happiness if accomplished, and fear is the only thing that prevents me from accomplishment. In this situation, I have fear of rejection. This fear grows bigger than my faith because I allow it to, and it blocks my dreams.
ReplyDeleteFear can be useful at times despite the fact that it’s discomforting. Fear can prevent you from making a huge mistake. Someone who is determined to kill another may fear persecution if caught, and ultimately decide against his original intent. This is an extreme example, but it gets the point across. Also, fear keeps us alive, sane, and within moral boundaries. An example for theists is the fear of God. The way I deal with fear is by avoiding any situation that may provoke it. The only possible way for me to have developed a fear is to have been in a situation that relied on that aspect. I developed a fear of heights only after being placed high off the ground. To avoid this fear, I stay away from steep cliffs and the roofs of sky scrapers. If I ever have a revelation and decide that I must obliterate a fear, then I will attempt to face that fear.
To Tom: I do occasionally wonder how my future will play out, but I want to enjoy being young and not worry about it. This cavalier sense of mind is limited, however. The right choices that must be made are not always clear when the time comes, and choosing an option can be a gamble. I can also be an indecisive person at times. If I take long to decide whether I should procrastinate or not, I’ve already made my decision without meaning to. It’s a cycle that I would like to break. One fear that you included that I mistakenly omitted was my fear of the dark. It’s quite a silly fear, but I think it’s somewhat justified given the location of my home in the woods.
To Ted: I stated a similar interpretation of Morrissey’s quote in that fear can damage our progression and constrict us from moving forward. I agree that failure is an accurate synonym for the word fear, and insecurity too. We both stated our fears of death, but I left out my fear of growing old. I want to grow old someday, but I’m afraid of how my body will stand against the abuse of time and stupidity of my younger years. It is possible to dig tunnels around fears by avoiding them, but it is not a satisfying or permanent solution. The only way to defeat a fear is through courage. Finally, I really like your idea that fear helps us define our goals in life.
To Becca: I’ve realized my mother’s fear of spiders and my hatred toward the intruders. I only kill a spider if it’s in my home because it trespassed into my comfortable place. If a spider lives on the outside of my house, I leave it there because it prevents other bugs from trespassing. However, spiders have never caused me to experience paranoia. I’m sorry to say that I cannot empathize with your biggest fear. I’ve never fallen in love with anyone. It could be because I never tried or because I think teen love just isn’t real love. I’ve been writing this comment as I read your post and I just remembered your boyfriend was Evan, a friend of mine from middle school. I’m going to leave that at that, and conclude by saying that actually living alone (as an adult) sounds like a terrifying notion.
Amber K: I was just laughing the whole entire time as I was reading your fear. Its not something at all people would expect. I mean "Ladybugs". Any other kind of bug sure, but ladybugs. Haha anyway, I felt like you told me this story before. In addition, I know what you mean about the idea of being afraid of going schizophrenic. It wasn't until recently that I learned that I have a chance of being schizophrenic since my mom has the gene. This of course won't show in me most likely until i reach somewhere in my 20's but I'm terrified having that percent chance. The pessimist in me makes me feel like, I'm going to be that one percent that something bads going to happen to.
ReplyDeleteTed P: I don't know what it is but your flow, your whole writing style is unique. Anyway thats enough fawning over it. Anyway I like what you said about "Fears are synonymous with failure". I see its true in a way. In addition, i like what you said about "Fears(being) subject to only one method of defeat: Courage." I see courage as the best trait to have in life. Courage allows you to do and be anything you want because you have the ability to just continue walking straight. A courageous person does take a couple steps forward, then turns back around, they leap straight into what ever obstacle they face and this is admirable.
Mikey G: I was immediately attracted when I saw the word "El toro" in one of your paragraphs, as I was scrolling down. First I want to thank you because, your party actually helped me get over my fear of roller coasters and "El Toro" became my favorite ride. Well actually its a tie between that and "Superman" but, this is besides the point. I think as you said I was "uncomfortable" with riding these rides but it actually turned out to be fun when I got the courage to start on the smaller roller coasters and work my way up. I felt the adrenaline running through my veins and it turned out to be a blast.
Ok i shall start with the quote. To me, it's quite self-explanatory. The only way to reach your dreams and your goals is to have faith in what you believe and in your abilities. If you fear of failure is larger than this faith, you'll never reach your dreams. Personally, I couldn't agree more. By now everyone knows my aspirations and dreams. For as many times as I'm told to stop, I'm told to keep going just as much. The person disrupting the balance is myself. Since I believe in myself, I have motive to continue and make everyone love me, and my music.
ReplyDeleteI don't know exactly where this fear comes from, but it has been the same since I was little. I've always loved to be the center of attention and the guy that everyone loves and makes people laugh. Luckily, I have found the way to get over it, so it only keeps me awake if it's someone I really care about. I also have learned to deal with the fact that I can't always be number one. My fears haven't been that hard to overcome, so for that I'm thankful. I don't usually let it stop me, but I have in the past. I have been given opportunities to preform for people, but I become afraid that it will ruin my reputation. However, I don't regret saying no, because in turn I have gained a new, respectable reputation out of it.
Fear is what holds people back. If you learn to control it, or use it as a slingshot to keep you moving forward, then you will always succeed. Your life is what you make of it. If you let your fear or your haters get in the way of that, shame on you in my opinion. But then again, who am I to tell you how to life your life?
Now to explain fear. Fear is what holds people back. It is a mental issue that everyone has to hold them back from reaching as high and as far as they can. It is a means of an excuse. Whenever someone can't do something, they cripple and say "I was too afraid." Honestly, fear only exists if you want it to. If you want to give a big middle finger to fear and say, you mean nothing, then you will go a lot farther and a lot stronger to any goal you set your mind to.
With that being said, I can never give fear the middle finger; I'm too scared. However, I try to use fear for a different means of power. Instead of using it as an excuse to limit my power, I use it to push myself forward. I always tell myself I'll get no where if I have fear, so the fear that originally cripples me only pushes me forward. For example, my biggest fear is being hated, or even disliked. If I ever get the feeling that someone dislikes me, I want to crawl in a hole and die. Well that's a little exaggerated, but you get the idea. If I had the choice, I would do anything and everything to make everyone in the world like me. However, I realize that is not possible. I know I'm going to disappoint people, make people mad, and make people hate me. Everyone has people that hate them, or as I call them, haters. My way to get over it? "I let my haters be my motivators." It's simple, I use every piece of criticism as a means of telling me what I need to do better, what I need to work on.
If you live in fear you get in your own way of achieving you goals. So basically if you want to succeed you should never let your fears grow bigger than your dreams because your focus then shifts from your dreams to your fears and you can no longer concentrate on what you really should be doing.
ReplyDeleteFear could be historically described as the feeling you have toward something you don't know or that you don't understand. And on some levels I think I relate to fear in that way, I fear things because I don't know about them and I don't know what to expect of them. But I also this it goes deeper than just not knowing. Fear is an emotion so strong that it not only has mental repercussions but physical ones as well. The chills, when your arm hairs stand up, when you feel like your being watched, or when you feel the need to continuously look all around you to assure you are not in any danger. There are also different degrees of fear : there's scary movie/ haunted house fear, the fear you have when your in a potentially dangerous situation like if you were to be kidnapped or something, and then there's the mostly mental fear that often comes from the unknown. The other two fears often arise because of your associations with the object, place, or idea. If when you were little you were close to drowning at the beach it wouldn't be surprising if you were afraid of the beach or water in general. In my head fear is is how you treat something that you not only don't understand but one in which could have adverse effects on your life.
My biggest fear is being a disappointment. I would never want someone to be ashamed of me because it would signify that I had done something so horrible to another person that they don't even want to associate with me. It also falls under the category of things that may have adverse effects on my life. I'm also afraid of being in pain, mental or physical. Ive always had the same feelings towards fear because nothing has rally happened in my life that would change that, because I feel like something momentous needs to happen in order for you perception of fear to change.
I don't think I've ever let my fear become so overwhelming that I didn't do something I wanted to. Although this may be completely untrue and there is a definite possibility that I have let fear stop me from doing something I wanted to it has never been something so important that I still remember it to this day. So obviously if I had ever let this happen it was over something that wasn't a big deal.
In some moments fear is what keeps you from doing the wrong thing. Like if your afraid of something you probably put fourth some type of effort that would keep what ever it is from happening, in doing so you actually protect your self from something bad. Like if you had a fear of illegal drugs, this fear would end up keeping you safe because of all of the terrible things associated with drugs besides the illegality.
ReplyDeleteI'm not really us what the "how do you deal with it" is in reference to, so I'm going to respond like its I reference to dealing with fear.
Dealing with fear is a simple exercise of mind over matter. In order to deal with fear you must remove yourself briefly from the situation and ask your self some of the following questions:
Why am I afraid?
Is this fear rational? (can I actually be harmed in any way by this fear)
What are the implications and situations of this fear?
Do I know what the right thing to do or to respond is?
Is there any conceivable good that could come from this?
Then according to how you answered these questions you can more accurately tell for yourself if you should really be afraid or not. Should it be necessary for you to be afraid my suggestion would be to find the quickest way out of your situation, if this is impossible follow your gut/conscience and I will probably know what to do. If all of the above things have brought you no nearer or overcoming or dealing with your deal, well I really don't know what to say because I would at least complete all of the above things before panicking.
To George: I really like your comparison of quotes. I think your interpretation of the quote was a little less literal and still made a great amount of sense. To look at it as the positives instead of the negatives is a different, but very helpful way to look at things.
ReplyDeleteTo Connie: I loved your interpretation of fear itself. To think of it as the time when you're a little kid and realize your not invincible is an interesting thought. I always thought fear came from someone telling you something was scary, or realizing that your parents were scared of something so you should be too. To blame it on past mistakes, seems new to me, but I would like to ponder that a little more. Thanks for giving me something to think about.
To Mimi: First of all, your blogs are always great, I just never have the right thing to say in response. For this one, I really enjoyed how you broke down fears from smaller levels to larger ones. I was thinking about this and saying, should I say my physical fear of heights, or my emotional fear of my reputation. Obviously, my reputation can hold me back a lot more than heights, but I wish I had the time to explain both. But my point is you're exactly right. There are many levels of fears, smaller, more physical fears, and larger, more emotional fears.
Mine Cont.
ReplyDeleteSo apparently the blog decided to cut my post off and not tell me...awesome. so here is the rest.
I don't think there is ever a time I regret not doing something because of fear. The only thing I can think of is when people ask me to rap on the spot for them, and I continuously say no. My fear comes out in that I don't want to slur my reputation (denigrate if you will) and make no one listen to me anymore. But I don't regret this for one big reason. In not rapping off the top of my head for people, I have not slurred my reputation, but actually have made a new one for myself in that I am the guy that doesn't freestyle. I know it may seem dumb, but that's all I got.
In the end, you can't let fear hold you back. You need to learn to overcome it, or use it as a slingshot to push you forward and keep moving. In that way, fear is good. It is motivation to you, to make you keep going. Life is tough, and fears only make it tougher. You need to be able to overcome them and use them to your advantage. Use it as a goal, to overcome your fear. But then again, who am I to tell you how to live your life. I don't want you guys to hate me! I'm scared of that.
Rachel: for some reason I'm surprised that you said that your afraid of love,I'm not really sure why I and I probably shouldn't be because you have always seemed to me to be very reserved and so it would make sense. But I also agree that being in love does make you vulerable and I thi k about what kind of power I have allowed people to have over me just by trusting them.
ReplyDeleteJanel: I know exactly where your coming from, I would say high on my list of things not do do would be growing up and becoming my parents, not that they aren't great or anything but the go through a lot of things I just wish not to deal with and I am pretty confident in th fact that I could avoid some of thirst problems
Tom: I also think about this a lot and have come to the conclusion that ,y future is in my hands and I need to trust myself with it, because if I don't trust myself and I can't trust anyone else, Im basically going nowhere fast.
ReplyDeleteDom:
ReplyDeleteGetting old and bitter has always been one of my biggest fears, too. The biggest cruelty of humanity is that, as we age, we get so mature. We get too realistic and too broken, and we stop having fun with our visualizations of life. I really admire your opinion of love and falling in love. You’re so tenacious about it that even after a million heartbreaks I know you’ll never lose the hope of finding the one who makes you happiest. That’s actually one of my favorite things about you. It takes a lot of courage to have that hope. It’s also the reason I know you’ll end up with someone amazing. Also, I love your lists (particularly our list ;) ), but sometimes, if you truly want to experience something new, it’s best to not think and plan so much. Every once in a while, do something you never saw yourself doing. Just remember: follow your lists, but follow your heart above all.
Mimi:
Thank you, yet again, for understanding me! You’re right that it would be a beautiful secret to let someone in, but it still freaks me out more than anything. And it’s true: in the long run, who really cares what your high school GPA was, or even what colleges you were accepted to? These accomplishments are something to be proud of, but are certainly no measure of the true character of a person. A lot of people think of you as smart, and you are, but you’re also so much more than that. You’re insanely funny and you have such a good heart. Honestly, you’re one of the only people who can completely turn my crappy mood around. Maybe if people learned to look past numbers and statistics, they would see that, too. Because, to me, it’s so obvious.
Well, dreams are intangible. Very much so. Like, ah, like fog. I feel like if you open a window and let too much reality in then the dream will just dissipate, just up and flow out the window.
ReplyDeleteBut if you have enough faith it increases how much reality your dream can take, or how much it can be stretched or tested.
Fear, on the other hand, does the opposite. It makes your dream brittle, fragile, susceptible to the harsh winds outside the comfort of your head.
Fear is an emotion caused by the feeling that some perceived danger is bearing down on you. Or else it’s the negative anticipation of consequences of a certain action. But then again, that’s just another perceived danger, i.e. what will happen if you do something wrong.
I’m claustrophobic, myself. I got my head stuck in the trunk of a car when I was 5 or so. There was a fancy party going on, I know. There was lobster there, but I didn’t eat any. I kind of regret not eating any lobster then. I always take the stairs now. Once when I took the stairs, I found out later that the elevator I could’ve taken got stuck. Fear validated, I guess.
But of course that’s not something you sit in bed and worry about, unless you sleep in an elevator or a broom closet somewhere. What keeps me up at night? I dunno, the usual. Nothing special. The impermanence of human existence, fear I’ll grow up and be an incompetent, meh. I want to travel, though, everywhere. It’s not a fear that I won’t get to travel, I guess, but it makes me sad to think I might not get to.
But fear can be good too. It tells you what is dangerous. It stops you from doing stupid things, like walking off cliffs or stabbing yourself. Inability to feel fear is like inability to feel pain; without it, you’re looking at a considerably worse and probably shorter lifespan.
How do you deal with fear? Well, I don’t think fear is something that can be ‘dealt’ with. Fear doesn’t care either way. And like I said before, it’s there for a reason. Try to find out why you’re scared, I suppose. If it’s not rational it will say something about you, in any case. What you far can teach you a lot about who you are. I’d gather Bunje’s seen that, too.
That’s this week’s fear expose, I guess. At least I’m not like Nero or Stalin or whatever, paranoid about everything. I wonder if that says anything about them? Besides that they were crazy. Something to look into later.
To Nick: I related very closely to your fear of not making any impact of people or society. I additionally relate to your ideas represented in, “if I can’t affect people in even the smallest way, then what purpose do I serve?”. This is a great fear of mine; I think it’s a good fear to have. I think it means that we are at least concerned with doing something in life; we just don’t sit back and let life pass us by.
ReplyDeleteTo Patrick: Let’s both load up some shotguns and take down the creature of death. But seriously, I share your fear of death. Sadly it’s hard to beat death. I don’t recall it being done before. But death has always been a sketchy area of thought for me. I mean I’ve never really even had someone really important to me die before. I can’t imagine how I’ll feel about it then. But I guess we share a fear in the lack of knowing what comes next. The only way I can really approach it is to not think about it. Just go through life as oblivious to it as I can; even though it will get harder. Just keep pushing’ along I suppose.
To Rachel: I didn’t really consider fearing love, but I see where you’re coming from. I think a lot of people share those thoughts. Love is just a complicated process. Rejection is always disheartening, but it is a necessary part of the process in discovering your true love. Also your fear of suffocation I thought was interesting. Freedom is important to me; not being able to experience the world as a result of some type of imprisonment is a scary thought admittedly. As I said, the only way to beat these fears is to combat them face to face.
Dreams are powerful, dreams are the lifeblood of achievement. Faith is a misnomer, as faith is not what is required to sublimate dreams from the world of fantasy into the hard facts of reality. Mary Morrissey is confusing faith with self-confidence, faith doesn't respond to changing conditions, faith is based on feelings rather than facts. Self-confidence is based on knowing oneself and one's own strengths, having confidence in the abilities that one has, and having the courage to find new abilities. Self-belief comes with a strong dose of realism, which is crucial, whereas faith is blind and deaf to reality. So when Mary Morrissey says that dreams are blocked by fear that is bigger than faith, she is essentially right, apart from her word swap. A dream backed by self-confidence will be achievable and realistic, but still challenge the dreamer to push his limits. A dream backed by faith can succeed, but is more likely to waste a life. “I want to be an actor, I believe that I can do it” is a nice dream, but “I'm a talented speaker and good at controlling my facial expressions, if I work hard, I can be an actor” is a dream that takers into account the dreamers strengths, and takes into account that dreams do not simply come true, they are accomplished.
ReplyDeleteIn the science fiction novel Dune, a post-robotic society is formed where reasoning and the power of the human mind is valued above technological abilities. Artificial intelligence of any kind is illegal. In this society, fear is an enemy, because fear interferes with reason. A group in the book, the Bene Gesserit society has a litany against fear, and I think it is helpful in outlining my feelings about fear.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Fear serves only to inhibit what we do, but that is not to say that fear is not useful. When fear spawns awareness, fear is useful, fear as an instinct can provide an alarm faster than the body can process it. But that is where the rule of fear ends, fear cannot be a factor in the decision making process. Fear is what makes us make mistakes, and therefore it must be dispelled. Fear is a natural response, but what separates humans from animals is the ability to rise above instinct and into rationality. Dispelling fear is not as easy as just pushing it aside, it involves looking as situations from an impersonal perspective, which is a challenge. An impersonal perspective is the key to fighting fear.
My greatest fear is not of death, but of dying tomorrow. I believe that the only way for a human to have an afterlife, is to leave an impression on the Earth. By living on in the memory of society, immortality can be achieved. I accept death, I accept that one day everything that is me will depart from my body and my body will return to the chemicals which made me. This is not troubling, but if it happened tomorrow, it would be. My impression is not yet made, if I am to have a place in the memory of humanity, I have not yet earned it. If I died tomorrow, I would fade quickly, that is what keeps me awake at night. My name would vanish like writing on a chalkboard, descended into the chaos of eraser marks that is human history.
ReplyDeleteThen there is my innate fear, a fear of arachnids, but I feel as though the fears we are discussing here are a little deeper than being bothered by the number of legs a bug has.
The only time I've ever stopped myself from doing something because of fear is in social situations. Mostly with girls. I'm awful with girls, any girl that I've ever attempted to ask out beyond the scope of simple friendship (a short list because of my social anxieties) can tell you that. The process I normally undergo involves developing a crush, hopelessly ogling, attempting to hang around with, and eventually blurting out something awkward that makes me so ashamed I give up on the possibility of a relationship beyond friendship. Regret is an ill-suited word for my feelings in these situations, I think that shame is a better descriptor. I am ashamed of the moment that makes things awkward, and ashamed of the extended amount of time it took me to build up the guts to finally do something. If anything, my past experiences have led me to fear asking for a relationship to go beyond friendship, because I don't want to lose a friendship that I consider valuable.
Fear is dangerous, and the impersonal perspective that it takes to deal with fear is difficult to develop. I don't have it yet, and I think developing it may be one of the main challenges of my self-actualization.
“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow
ReplyDeletebigger than your faith.” My interpretation of this quote is that you get in
your own way. You can’t stress about what mistakes you might make or how
something may go wrong, or fear failure. If there’s something you want to do,
you should do it, and not let anything stop you-including yourself and your
fears and insecurities. Just believe that it will all work out, and know that
failure isn’t the end of the world.
Fear is one of those ambiguous words that everyone
interprets differently. To me, fear is basically that clenching in your
stomach, that shaking in your hands, that voice in the back of your head that
tells you everything is going to go wrong. Fear is something that makes you
nervous-we often fear what we don’t know, and sometimes we fear what we know
too well. It is when you get the feeling that something isn’t going to go your
way, that something bad is going to happen. I guess that is the best way to sum
up fear-the feeling that something bad is going to happen.
My biggest fear depends on how you define “biggest fear”. If
it means the fear that is at the forefront of your mind, that all you can do is
focus on that one thing in a moment, well that changes constantly as different
situations arise. If you are talking about the fear that is constantly there in
the back of my head, well those too change. At this moment I have a large array
of things I fear, most of them common, some of them stupid, some cliché. Right
now, if I had to say what my biggest fear was, I’d probably say it is a tie
between death and being alone.
The only time I can actually remember being kept awake at
ReplyDeletenight by a fear was back in third grade. The night that we got the call that my
Grandma died, and for various nights after that, I remember lying awake in
fear. That first night it was a fear of finding out who I’d lost. I was a pretty
smart kid, when the phone rang at 2:30am on a school night I knew that nothing
could be important enough to call other than the death of someone. Sure enough,
the next morning before school my dad sat my sister and I down and told us that
our Grandma had passed away. On the nights after that, I remember being afraid
to fall asleep because I was struck by what little time we have, and I was afraid-first
that I’d have to live without someone else that I loved, someone from my
immediate family. Then I would move on to thinking about just…not being here.
Finally I would move on to all the things I hadn’t gotten to do, and I was
afraid that I’d have to go before I’d done everything or anything that I wanted
to. I remember wishing that if I had to die, I’d die with my family (in old
age), because my stomach burned when I thought about having to go through life
without my mom or dad or sister or even my dog. This is most likely where my
fear of death comes from. Or maybe from further back-the first person I ever
lost was my Great-Grandma when I was in Kindergarten. I thought about these
fears a little back then, but kids are resilient and within a few days I was
back to thinking about what normal six year olds think.
My fear of being alone probably also stemmed from the death
of my Grandma in third grade. After spending some nights unable to sleep, and
having that fear constantly in the back of my head, I remember beginning to
wonder if I was normal-if I should be thinking the things I was thinking when
no one else my age seemed to be. Not even my sister seemed to be too affected,
she was two years older but she’d been through the same thing. I began to worry
that maybe I wasn’t normal because I was thinking about things classified as
“adult worries”, which is probably why I never talked to anyone about any of
it.
Nothing really big or life-changing has really happened
since that major event in the third grade. I wasn’t really nervous about high
school or passing classes-it was just school after all. If anything I was
excited. My “biggest fears” have pretty much been constant since then, though
I’ve learned not to dwell on them so much. I don’t spend nights awake, fearing
the inevitable. Every now and then something will happen that makes me think
about these things like there are no other thoughts in the world, but for the
most part they go into a little filing cabinet in the labyrinth that is my
brain.
The only thing I can really say about fear evolving is that
ReplyDeleteI’ve learned that often times what you fear most is what you have the least
control over. This means that while the bigger stuff seems like a more
important fear, I think it is important to focus on those little “stupid” fears
that you are more able to overcome. Worrying about things you can’t control is
just extra unnecessary stress that no one needs. You have to learn to take
everything day by day, and accept when there are circumstances that you can’t
change, and adapt.
While I definitely have stopped myself from doing something
out of fear before, I usually regret it, so I’ve tried to be more aware of
that, and not let it hold me back. There are some things that I refuse to let
up on. I think fear is a good thing when it stops you from doing something that
would endanger yourself or someone else, like being afraid to do something
stupid such as sitting atop a speeding car, or the fear of consequences were
you to commit a crime.
Basically, I deal with fear the way I deal with everything
in life-one day at a time.
Mimi:
ReplyDelete“It wasn’t until I entered high school that I realized that my
biggest fear is not knowing who I am, or who I will become. My personality has
changed and adapted over the years, depending on who I was surrounded by or
what certain life experiences I’ve went through.”
I completely agree with this paragraph. This is one of my fears
as well, although I mentally file that under the fear of being alone, which
stems from my fear of not really knowing who I am or what I want or if I’ll
find someone who compliments that. Well said.
Rachel:
While we seem to share the same brain on many issues, I think
I’m completely the opposite as far as fearing love. I fear being unloved. I
fear that maybe the people I surround myself with everyday don’t really know me
at all, and if they did, maybe they wouldn’t stick around. I fear that after
the novelty wears off, people will start to find me boring or lacking in some
way that makes them feel as if they’ve learned all they can from me, and move
on. I do definitely agree with you about parents and freedom, and I think
you’re brave for posting about vulnerability and love.
Becca: I am also terrified of spiders. It’s weird though,
because I remember a time when I wasn’t, and I don’t really know why I switched
over to being afraid/creeped out by them. I have a bad feeling that I have one
hell of a repressed memory involving spiders hiding in the recess of my mind…
We dream big and unrealistically sometimes, but it’s a dream what do you expect? But when we let our fears overpower that dream, that’s when we truly lose. I think Morrissey was trying to tell us to keep hope alive and believe in our dreams but if wet let our fears take control, those dreams will never come true.
ReplyDeleteFear is an idea or thoughts that terrify people. Fears can vary from little itty bitty bugs to something much deeper like the idea of love. I fear many different things, including bugs. In fact, there is this little spider that has hanged from my bedroom ceiling for about three or four days now and I have not touched it because…well that’s just…lets not talk about it. My biggest fear is rejection. Someone turning their back on your or just saying no is very freighting. This has really affected my social life. Because of this fear I try not to get very close to people. I’m really afraid of getting close to someone and letting my guard down only to let them hurt me. So I just don’t let them get too close.
Although I’ve always been afraid of bugs and insects, I didn’t always have a fear of rejection. Actually, in eighth grade I was absolutely terrified of change. This is why I didn’t really want to go to high school either. I really did not like the idea of going to a completely different school with people other than kids from Davies! (Yes I was afraid of mullicans) But life goes on, and I came to Oakcrest and realized that change was all apart of life.
When I came to Oakcrest I realized I was growing up and then my new fear came alive. Growing up. I never want to do that! I wanted to stay in high school for the rest of my life. Everything was happening so fast and I knew once my high school career was over, I could never have these experiences. I wanted to stay fifteen for the rest of my life but as the years went on I again realized that growing up is apart of life. It has to happen.
I think all of my fears emerge from school. As silly as that sounds, it seems true. Our four years of high school are all about preparing us for “real” life. It’s all about finding yourself and finding who you are. As my life continues and I realize more about myself, my fears will change. Life itself just frightens me. Rejection, change, and growing up are all apart of life and these are the things that also shape you into who you are. I guess I’m just a little afraid of finding myself.
My decisions are always affected by my fears. I tend not to do things sometimes because of my fears. Like when I don’t like people get close to me, it’s just because I fear what will happen. Yes I do regret it sometimes, I wish I could stop it but I can’t. At least not yet. But your fears are all apart of life. It’s what makes you who you are. Fears are how you can differentiate between people.
My biggest fear is probably heights. Public speaking isn’t so bad. I mean, my legs get shaky, and I get very nervous, but I always thought that was a normal thing for people who aren’t used to it. I don’t have vertigo. You know, I watched that Hitchcock movie. It could’ve been better, in my opinion. I suppose it wasn’t the best first Hitchcock movie to watch.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, about that quote. I’ll put it into a dialogue, because I feel like it. Faith says “Hey buddy. Let’s fulfill some of those dreams you have. Besides, if you fail, the worst that can happen is you go home and sulk for the days. Nothing bad can happen.” “Haha” laughs fear. “You know you don’t want to follow your dreams. I know you’d rather stay in the comfort of your home, and not take any risks. Well, I’m perfectly okay with that. Stay comfortable my friend. I really want you to stay that way.” Pretty sucky dialogue, right? Well, doesn’t matter. It gets the point across. Fear drowns out the courage that faith gives us. It’s going to happen. Sometimes faith, or courage (I think courage would be a better word here) prevail. And when it does, the outcome may or may not be a good thing. Well, that’s just another opportunity for fear to jump in and get in the way of courage. Of course, when the outcome is good, it’s a motivator to be courageous. Although fear can be a good thing, sometimes.
You know, I don’t like spiders. My arachnophobia isn’t extreme, but it’s enough for me to cringe at the thought of Shelob and her lair (lord of the rings reference, anyone?). Did you guys know they found an insect large enough to fit carrots in its mouth? Not the whole carrot, but the ends. Yeah, it’s like a giant cricket. Harmless, but terrifying. I wouldn’t want to go near one. Maybe that’s what fear is. It keeps us away from things. Fear is what keeps us from doing things, is another good example. But I fear not being able to find the right woman in the future. That doesn’t keep me away from anything. So I guess it’s being afraid of not being able to accomplish goals. Strange. Fear is just being afraid of things. That definition basically encompasses all of the smaller sub definitions I’m thinking of right now.
Biggest fears have been mentioned. Just to add a few more, I’ll make a list. Heights, being unable to find the right gal in the future, swarms of insects, spiders, unable to find any more music I like, loss of interest in reading. I think that’s it. There’s probably more. Surprisingly, insignificance is not one of them. I’ve heard that one passed around, and it’s just not something that’s bugging me. Maybe because I already feel significant, in a way. Not to the world, no. But I don’t really care about being significant to the world. I’m one guy. But I know I’m significant in my world. The world of Mays Landing. Oh god, that sounded so hammy when I said it in my head. Anyways, yeah. I feel significant here. And I’m not worried about it right now.
PART 2
ReplyDeleteThe fears that wouldn’t be up there, but are fears of mine as of this year, are lack of new music and loss of interest in reading. Lately, I’ve been shuffling through my music, and nothing’s really doing it for me, which is absolutely terrifying. I mean, this music I have will last me for a bit more time, but I don’t know how long. After this crazy few months of just discovering new music that I really loved, I just stopped finding new bands. And I explored into the bands I found, and I guess I could do that for a few more months, but what happens after that? What do I do then? Reading too. I haven’t had time this year to read in school, and I don’t make time at home. I love reading, but I just don’t do it anymore. I’m afraid I won’t like reading anymore, even though I really like it as a form of entertainment.
I’ve probably stopped myself from doing something because of fear. Although I always get over it and do it anyways. I remember, at this one summer camp I went to, they had this zipline. And I always went on the days we had the zipline part of the camp. At first I never wanted to, but when I’m actually ziplining, and not in the process of preparing to zipline, it’s pretty fun. What I’m trying to say, with that neat little zipline story, is I usually try to get over my fears, and I can’t think of any at the moment that have prevented me from doing something.
Fear is a good thing to feel around poisonous animals and fire. If you fear getting poisoned, you won’t go near poisonous animals. Or poisonous anything. If you fear fire, you’ll stay away from fire, and probably won’t get burned all that often. Fear prevents us from doing unbelievably stupid things, like jumping into pits of lions.
How do I deal with fear? I rationalize it. Heights? Well, I’ll die if I fall from however far up. I don’t want to die. Woah. Okay. I fear not living a full, meaningful life. Just thought I’d throw that in there, while I still can. Not death. How I can fear death, if I’m dead? Anyways, I rationalize fear, or I don’t put myself in situations where the fear controls me. That’s how I control my fear.
I thought I’d expand on not living a full, meaningful life. That’s probably why I’m worried about finding a spouse. Eh. Not really. I don’t believe in an afterlife, so I figure I might as well get everything done while I’m on this earth. But my life being cut short by whatever just sucks. I haven’t led a full life yet. I haven’t even held a full-time job yet. So not being able to lead a full life, where I actually live for someone (okay I guess the spouse thing is a big deal) or something (or maybe it isn’t?) would be just so sucky and I’d be so mad if I weren’t dead.
While we are on the subject of fear, can I just say that there is a creepy, fingernail-like tapping at my window and every time I look over it stops. I can't see through my shades, but I swear someone is trying to get into my house. There is a 7-8 foot metal awning outside my window that someone can easily climb up and I'm freaking out. If I'm not here tomorrow, you will all know why.
ReplyDeleteGeorge: I can relate. I've been told by a thousand baseball coaches not to “think so much.” They mean something different, in reality, they want me to be less deliberate, but the phrase still bothers me. If I'm not thinking on the field, what the hell am I doing? How can I possibly pay enough attention to what I'm doing to not make a vital mistake if I'm not even thinking? Likewise, in the realm of fighting fear, thought is a necessary tool. Thought is what dispels fear, so not thinking is just about the kind of thing someone would tell you to do without thinking.
ReplyDeleteAmber: I can only concur with your fear of ladybugs, they are sadistic bastards. They wait for you to pick them up, and then promptly piss on your hand! Then, when winter comes around, they sneak through every crack and crevasse into your house, just to make sure you watch them die. Even in death, they insure that humanity suffers every time it picks a ladybug carcass out of some unlikely place, like a sink or breakfast cereal.
Schuyler- I disagree heartily, every dream needs a sharp dose of reality. Because a dream is hardly worth dreaming if it can't be actualized, dreams are the foundation for success, and without a dose of reality, the foundation for success is based on unicorns, rainbows and other fantastical things. Some may argue that a dream has beauty on its own, but I would tell those people that dreams and fantasies are not the same, because a fantasy is by definition, impossible. But a dream is within reach, and if your wildest dream comes true, then life becomes a success.
Dreams are our aspirations and goals. Things that we hope to accomplish in the future. My interpretation of the quote is that we let our fears hinder us from chasing after our dreams. And Morissey is completely right. If we let fears overpower our faith and actions, the path to reaching our goals is blocked. And you mind as well ask yourself this question: what is a dream?
ReplyDeleteFears are a hindrance and limitation. It’s an emotional response to a perceived threat. You become nervous and anxious. It stops you from whatever you’re doing because you’re afraid of what’s going to happen next. It’s not easy to overcome fears, but it’s certainly possible. Like I said, fears render us from our dreams. If we overcome them, the path to accomplishing dreams becomes a little less foggy and much more tangible.
I was afraid of roller coasters and I still am a little bit. The first time I went to six flags, I barely went on any of the rides. Upside-down roller coasters especially scared me. I regretted not going on any of the rides and missing out on a day of fun. A few years later, I went to six flags again with the same people. This time was different. This time, I went on all the rides (except kingda ka) and I had a great time. It was such a good feeling to know that I had overcome part of my fear of rollercoasters. Yeah, that fear of roller coaster falling off the tracks still resides within me. But after that day, the fear will not stop me from riding any of the roller coasters. Next time, that fear will be abridged even more. And I might finally go on the world’s tallest roller coaster. The fears I will go into next are deeper than roller coasters, but the point of this was to say that fears give you regrets. They aren’t worth it.
I’m afraid of judgment. I worry too much about what other people think of me. My fear of judgment probably has stuck with me for as long as I can remember. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and criticisms can rip my heart right off. Judgments from others hinder me from doing or saying simple little things. I think about what other people are thinking of me that I let moments for me to shine fade right past me.
Another fear I have is rejection. You try so hard, only to get rejected at the thing you wanted the most. I feel as though this will become more apparent in the future. Especially when I’ll be out looking for a job, someone to love, etc. Failure is also a big part of rejection. But I think I’m learning that failures are fine. That’s as long as I keep working towards my goals. I mean, who doesn’t want their dreams to come true? I’ll always keep that thought in the back of my head.
Rachel: I’ve known you for like three years now but I never knew that we had a similar problem. You basically said everything I wanted to say. Oh and by the way, you totally got scared when we were watching scary movie 3! Wait… maybe my screaming scared you.
ReplyDeleteDominique: “I fear being an old lady and not have someone to sit next to and say “remember when.” I want that one true love in my life.” That’s so sweet! But I am kind of afraid of the same thing. I actually told my sister that I was going to end up alone with like 6 cats because I’ll never find anyone.
James: I think you are probably going to leave a great impression on society one day. I won’t be surprised if I see you in the newspaper a few years from now for inventing something crazy. I understand why it would scare you to die before that would happen. By the way, you are a nice guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you, don't be so nervous!
Amanda: I used to share the fear of roller-coasters. I never really knew where the fear stemmed from. However, now after I've ridden the tallest and fastest roller-coasters around the country, I can tell you that the best way to overcome the fear is to just ride them.
ReplyDeleteJames: I agree vehemently with your opinion about fear of dying tomorrow. However, I believe that your impact has already begun to burgeon. Seriously, think of every person you've ever had an impact on. Those are the ones who will remember you, and you will live on. Just don't die tomorrow.
Nick: I'm commenting on yours because the Brand New quote caught my eye. But, to quote another awesome band, "You wasted life why wouldn't you waste death?" And I agree that time spent wasted fearing the afterlife or lack thereof is time you will never get back.
James: I think your blog is going to be my go-to for commenting. I always have something to say, probably because we think in a similar manner yet not similar enough that it’s just me agreeing with you. Also, we have the same birthdays. See. I said the same thing about the whole faith thing. Instead it was more subtle, and less of a big deal. Sadly (maybe happily) I haven’t read Dune, so I have no idea what you’re talking about there. But the whole dying tomorrow thing is a fear of mine, though not for the same reason. Like I said in my blog, I don’t fear not leaving a mark on the world. I’m not sure why it isn’t a big deal to me though.
ReplyDeleteDan: Finding stuff I’m not. I’m pretty impressed that you found that little thing about the quote. We allow our fear to take over. I mean, I guess I knew that, but I never thought of it as an accusation. But should we feel bad for our fears? I mean, sometimes they take control, and you can’t conquer them. So allowing them to overwhelm your faith is going to happen, unfortunately.
Becca: Strangely enough I picked your blog to comment on. Probably because I had something to say about monophobia. I’ve pretty much not had a girlfriend my entire 16 year life. Having one right now is completely new, and I’m still trying to figure things out. But I know that being alone isn’t all that bad, and I never understood the fear of it. Well, I can understand the fear of it later in life. But we’re in high school still. There’re plenty of chances to not be alone, and even if we are, it’s still just high school. I don’t think having a significant other isn’t essential for the experience.
Dreams are one’s true desires. Everyone has a dream. People make goals for themselves so they can get closer to their dreams. Now, there’s two things you have to deal with on the road to accomplishing your dreams: your faith, and your fears. By faith, I mean your faith in yourself. A person with a lot of faith believes they can reach their dreams, and this keeps them determined. So faith helps you, as long as you keep it alive. Your fears, on the other hand, restrain you and hold you back. In order to reach your goals and obtain your desires, you must keep your determination high and not let your fears overwhelm you.
ReplyDeleteA fear is something - or anything, really- that makes you extremely uncomfortable. You can’t stand to even think about it, and you want to avoid it no matter what. Fears can be senseless (like the fear of mice), or have deep reasons behind them.
I fear a multitude of things. But I’ve picked out my two biggest fears. I don’t know which one is worse.
First off, is the fear of mental illness and insanity. I’m a person who’s thinking about everything pretty much always. I live in my thoughts. But what if when I’m old I become extremely forgetful and constantly confused? How will I think if I no idea where I am half the time? I fear even worse the idea of going insane. I fear being that crazy person in the straitjacket in the asylum. What if my thoughts just stop making sense? I’m scared of being unable to think clearly and then harming others or myself. I like to observe and think about the world around me. I fear not being able to do this- I feel like it’s possible that one day the world will just become a jumbled mess to me, and my thoughts will follow suit.
I don’t know when this fear started. I know it hasn’t been around for that long. I know I had it last year, so I’ll assume it began around freshman year. I can’t really pinpoint what exactly caused this fear, but I know that ever since I entered high school, my thoughts have been becoming more and more important to me. Every year, I’m becoming more of a thinker. I think the reason my thoughts are so important is because I can consult them whenever I’d like, all day every day. People, on the other hand, aren’t always there like that. And this brings me to my other fear.
I fear loneliness. I don’t want to be in this world alone. I want there to be at least one person that always cares about me. I don’t want to reach my breaking point and have no one to go to for help. This fear was probably born some time in middle school. You see, in elementary school, I didn’t have that many friends and my parents really sheltered me. I was very shy and had low self-esteem for a long time. When I moved to Mays Landing in the beginning of 6th grade, I pretty much had no real friends that whole year. My fear either developed here, when I was living it, or in 7th grade, when I found my way out of loneliness. But I’ve pretty much held this fear with me ever since. I think my fear of loneliness has grown stronger over the years. I have great friends now, and I’d be crushed if one day I had no one. Once I tasted the idea of friendship and companionship, I never wanted to let go of it. Also, I’ve gotten older, and this has made me realize that I’ll soon be out in the big bad world without people to baby me. Because of this, my fear of loneliness has grown.
ReplyDeleteI’ve never had these two fears stop me from doing anything. If anything, my fear of loneliness has encouraged me. (On the other hand, I can’t stop insanity.) However, my more minor fears have stopped me plenty of times. I fear roller-coasters, and that’s stopped me from going on plenty of rides. On the more serious side, I fear social rejection a bit. By this, I mean the feeling that many or most people dislike me. (I suppose this links back to the loneliness thing.) This has caused me to be more obedient to society’s standards, and has stopped at times from acting like myself and from expressing my opinion. I also fear my dad a bit, and I constantly stop myself from doing things to please him. So how often do I stop myself because of fears? Quite often, it seems.
Fears do have their place. Fear of injury stops people from casually jumping off buildings and petting ferocious lions. Fear of punishment stops people from stabbing each other. But aside from when they stop people from doing crazy things like those, I don’t think fears are that great. As I said, I’ve had fears stop me plenty of times, and this simply isn’t good. Like Morrissey said, fears get in the way of people’s desires, and I would consider this pretty bad.
Matt – My fears evolved in the same way yours did. I tried to word it like that, but you did a much better job. I fear the future also. I think anybody with any care about their future has a bit of nervousness attached. But like I said in my blog, this type of fear means you care. Simply fearing your future is much different from avoiding opportunity because of fear. Fear gives you readiness, makes you more equipped for life. Fear keeps you on your toes.
ReplyDeleteRachel – Though I know that fear is not chosen, I do not necessarily believe that it defines a person, or indicates their foundation. Though fear represents a portion of one’s persona, it is just that, a portion. Relative to every trait, belief, and bruise that make up a person; fears lie somewhere in the back. Fears are sometimes overlooked or forgotten. People may let their fears define them but that should not be so.
Becca – I never truly considered monophobia until I read your blog and indentified with your situation entirely. I used to depend on people’s company for my happiness, but somehow began to learn that I was wrong. As for your situation, I know how it feels to suddenly be miles away (literally and spiritually) from someone who was an integral part of your life just a day before. It sucks, to say the least. When it happened to me I confined myself to misery for a while… Once the hardest part was over I vowed to never let myself depend on someone to the point where I feel like I cannot function without them. Without rambling anymore about myself, let me just tell you that you do not stand alone in that fear! And I would say that to feel sanctity in the presence of someone else makes you a warm and compassionate person :).
Triple M, Mary Manin Morrisey's quote is something worth living by, undoubtedly. I interpret it as if you allow your fears to take over your every decision, you won't live life to YOUR fullest. I know that it's evident through my blog posts, my declamation(although it wasn't really a success), and just how i live my life overall, i live my life by her words. I do things that aren't normal that some people are scared to do, I excel in public speaking, i take on spiders with a shoe(although i might scream), i learn from my failures, this type of attitude toward life allows for better living!
ReplyDeleteIn my own words, fear is something that you aren't willing to do, or try. It's something that holds you back from living life to it's fullest potentials. Fear is anything that forces back the smiles that so easily can light up someone's day. Fear is well, scary.
I do my best not to read anybody else's post because i don't want my posts to be skewed or affected by other answers so I'm not sure how unique my answer is. But, with that being said, my fears aren't typical, they're not your everyday classic cliche fears. It's quite easy to say my number one fear is getting old and moving on, and not being a kid anymore. It's hard to think unless then two years, i won't just be a kid anymore. I can't imagine leaving school and not seeing the same bright faces anymore for the first time ever. I guess it's safe to say i'm a little scared for change and what lies ahead in my future. Sorry for my rambling, but after all that, i realized what is my true ultimate fear, the unknown! Not knowing what comes after death, not knowing where i'll be in a few years, not knowing what it'll be like to lose a family member, or whatever the case may be.
I don't believe my fears are as similar now as they've always been. I've always been pretty afraid of death, but I've come to the conclusion, upon much thought, that it's inevitable, i can't really avoid it. I've stopped being AS afraid of death and shifted it to a few other things. It's safe to say my fears have evolved from things that i can touch, smell, see or hear to things more that i can't touch, smell, see or hear; the unknown. From this evolution, i believe its evident that i have matured more all around.
Like i said in the beginning of my post and a large majority of my other posts, i do my best to live life to its fullest, so it's not often that i let fear get in the way of anything. I do regret something though, i regret not starting sports earlier when i was younger. I was afraid and a bit ashamed because i hated to try new things and i wasn't really the most physically talented kid.
I think that sometimes fear is a good thing to feel, because without fear, wonder, that sense of unknown, there would be no reason for living life a little bit on the edge. A friend once said to me, "What's the point of going skydiving if you're guaranteed you'll come out alive?" Without that added fear and unknown there really would be no point in doing a lot of things. I think in that sense fear is a good thing, but to ever let your fear prevent you from being you, well that's a no-no.
Bobby- How are you supposed to be the center of attention if i am? Totally kidding, but i understand that too, i tend to get jealous easily so anytime people get attention over me, i share the same feelings as you.
ReplyDeleteAmber- I find it really funny that you're afraid of lady bugs because they're everyone's friendly neighborhood bug. Everybody loves them! It's usually spiders or things of those sorts...never lady bugs.
Matt- I find it so interesting but still kind of weird with your fear of weather. Now of course I can't tell you what your fears are, but i think you're mixing up fears and fascination, i think you're fascinated with weather. At least that's what i'm getting from reading your post.
James: I completely agree with what you said about death. I don't why I didn't mention it in my blog. But anyways, I have the same fear. At such a young age, we're still in the process of building our legacy. But even if you did die today, just think of what you HAVE accomplished and how much you've grown as a human being. Your friends, family, and the people who you've impacted will always remember you.
ReplyDeleteJanel: I never thought about writing it in my blog, but I don’t want to be like my parents either. What sucks is that I’m slowly realizing I’m emulating some of the things that they do and the unfavorable traits they have. And I don’t like it at all.
Rachel: It’s interesting what you said about fearing love. I understand when you say you keep people at a distance. I’m afraid of opening up to others as well, because of the fear of being rejected and misunderstood. But I think I’ll always want to meet new people. I might get hurt, but it’s all part of life’s experience.
I think I forgot to answer whether or not I regret not doing things because of fears.
ReplyDeleteWell, of course I do. I think would have accomplished much more in these 16 years I’ve been alive if I hadn’t let stupid fears hold me back.
Amanda: I’d like to know what happened in those few years that made you brave enough to go on all those rides! Every time I go back to Six Flags, I’m still pretty much just as scared the time before. Although I do try to push myself to go on at one new roller coaster each time. Last time it was Nitro.. I will go on that thing never again. Please give me some of your bravery!
Mikey G: Reading your post, I got curious of how exactly your fear of praying mantises developed. Sure, they’re protected by the law, but that doesn’t mean a police officer if going to come out of no where and tase you if you squish one. Praying mantises may have a type of martial arts modeled after them, but so do drunk people (Drunken Fist)! Sorry for err, criticizing your fear in a way. But I just really want to know how this all started. Did you get attacked by a praying mantis as a child or something?
Patrick: I liked your personification of fear. It was even kind of creepy. Anyway, pessimisticism isn’t the way to go. Enjoy life like a roller-coaster, or else you’ll only have more regrets.
Emily - Yeah, I figure a lot of people fear loneliness, especially because in the end there's basically no way to know that anyone ever really loved you. I mean, you can't go inside their heads or something. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to make friends, though.
ReplyDeleteCole - I totally worry I'll lose interest in reading. That is freaky beyond measure. But yeah, I guess I'm kind of worried about you. I'd finished basically the entire Urth of the New Sun series by this point and you're only on the second book...
James - I remember that bit from the movie, that and the part where the guy with the huge boils flies around the room. Never read the book, I'll get around to it eventually. My dad assures me that it's all about drug culture. Woop-woopie, I guess. Yeah, girls can be hard. Especially if you don't know what you're doing. I'd imagine it gets easier the more you do it, though. Most things do. Also, why are people scared of spiders? They're small, and very few are poisonous. Weird.
Hira:
ReplyDeleteI never knew how similar our fears are. I’m actually surprised that you’re so afraid of rejection and letting people get close to you because you’re so confident when it comes to people and talking to people. I’m kind of afraid of ending up alone too. But I think that’s where the faith comes in. I guess you just have to believe that you’ll find the perfect person. After all, we’re young. We have so much more time to lay out our futures, and things are always changing, so you never know what will happen. In the meantime, we’ll just have to rely on faith to get us through these fears. By the way, you’re right. It wasn’t the movie that scared me. It was your screaming.
Amber: The best part about physical fears is that we always are given the tools to fix them. Case in point: Raid and flyswatters.
ReplyDeletePatrick: Make sure you know that, while these fears are rooted in nonsense produced only by your own mind, they are completely rational. Fear of flying, bridges, or death in general is not something one should be forced to "beat," rather, it should be embraced. Only then will it slowly fade away.
George: Fear of failure kept me from doing a lot of things. To this day, I'm afraid to approach people because I'm afraid I'll have a negative affect on them. Still, it remains true that we can never succeed unless we experience failure. In all, it's about 50/50.
Okay, let’s start with this week’s brain blaster! Yay! To begin with the quote, after reading it I fell in love. It spoke to me because I agree with the message completely. Mary Manin Morrissey is simply stating that fear can stop you from fulfilling your dreams and goal only if you let it by loosing faith in yourself and having confidence.
ReplyDeleteFear is something that scares you. It has the power to make you give up, hesitate, worry, and freak out; all the things I hate. I believe that fear is normality even though I despise even calling it that. Personally I would like to live without fear and I think everyone should, but I can’t. Fear comes along with every dream I dare to imagine, every goal I wish to reach, and every task I try to complete. Fear deserves to get punched in the face and stomped to death because of what it does. I truly do not understand why it is so powerful, it can literally determine choices and futures, tear apart relationships, and control your thoughts. All the faith and self confidence in the world couldn’t stop even the slightest or diminutive fear from popping up in your head. Fear comes along with success. The attachment is misunderstood, and I hate it.
My biggest fear at this point in my life would have to be losing the people that I truly care about, and not just in terms of death. My relationship with my friends and loved ones is one of the most important things because they keep me sane and on track, without them I would literally fall apart. I don’t know what I would do without each and everyone of them by my side guiding me and picking me up when I’m down; they are truly my saviors. All my fears seem to come together at a single point which includes the term “loss.” I’m always afraid to lose someone, lose myself, lose faith, just lose or fail at anything! It’ll never change and this keeps me up at night, hoping and praying that I will be able to overcome these negative thoughts.
I honestly don’t think fear was ever as big as a factor to me as it is now. Last year and the years before, fear wasn’t as prevalent. The evolution of fear comes along with experiences, and it has most definitely evolved as I have matured. And does this mean it’s going to get worse when I’m even older? Ohh noo! It most likely will but I am going to continue to keep a smile on my face and remain the strong teenager and I am, and handle every situation with confidence and with as little doubt in myself as possible. Fear comes from realization. As an eight grader and even freshmen, I was ignorant to the life lessons that I am still in the process of learning. With more experiences and more knowledge fear grows within and therefore becomes stronger.
I try not to let fear ever stop myself from doing something and most of the time it doesn’t. I think the most fear does to me is makes me overthink which can either be a good thing or a bad thing at times. It also may delay my decisions which then stop me from maybe going forth with my initial choice or action. I have both regret and thought that fear has been a good thing. Without fear your actions may be bold and carefree which can be great, and with fear you could be more conservative and cautious with everything. I think it depends on what type of person you are and your personality. In conclusion, I deal with fear just like the average person, taking it one day at a time, one thought at a time. Hopefully I learn how to kill it before it kills me!
COLE: Your posts are always so entertainingJ I love your rational way of thinking about fear! I find it interesting that you chose to talk about and stress fears such as spiders and finding a spouse and I did the complete opposite although I agree completely.
ReplyDeleteDOMINIQUE: “I fear being an old lady and not have someone to sit next to and say “remember when.” I want that one true love in my life.” This is exactly how I think Dom! Your posts always include something so sweet and cute, and your personality definitely shines through your writing.
BECCA: We share the whole monophobia thing! I cannot stand being alone, everything just seems better with that significant other, so I completely understand where you’re coming from even when others do not. And I must say you and your boyfriend are quite cute!
Garret: Now it's a fascination, but before it was a straight up fear. Basically, if there was a slight change in barometric pressure, I would go running indoors.
ReplyDeleteSo I was thinking. And thinking. And thinking some more. And then I thought about the quote in a more literal sense, and kind of laughed to myself. Notice how when our fears infiltrate our sleep, those images are no longer known as "dreams", but become nightmares.
ReplyDeleteSo at what point do our dreams of reality, our daydreams, our goals, become nightmares?
Well, actually, it's not that dreams that become nightmares. It's our life.Life becomes a nightmare when, as stated in the quote, fear blocks our faith. Fear in this context becomes synonymous with doubt and disbelief. What Morrissey is saying is that at any point someone lets their insecurities, or worries of failure hinder their ability to carry out their desires, fear is conquering and the dream is lost.
Fear, in the context of my mind, may or may not be different. Let me think some more.
Okay. Well, I think to get a better definition of fear, I should probably define what my fears are.
What keeps me up at night? What scares me? Other than the thought of ghosts watching me sleep and shower and get changed... not much. I feel like I'm consumed with too many other emotions. All deviants of a certain sadness. I think too often I stay up late at night with my throat clenched, not in fear, but in sorrow. Melancholia. Pathetic-ness. Fear never interrupts my thoughts. Except, now that I've thought some more, I suppose I'm scared I'll continue on for the rest of my life losing sleep for the same non-reasons. Just because I'm sad. Nothing special. Just sad.
I don't want to be sad or stupid or silly. I just want to be happy.
So, in the context of both my mind and quote, fear is comprised of the things that keep us from being who we want to be. And when put like that, all it sounds like is an obstacle. Now that I've just recognized this, I can say that I will handle it like any other obstacle...
Jump over it, run around it, or slide under it.
Temple Run has taught me well.
And I guess fear is good, because it keeps us all from surrendering to those stupid ape monster things chasing us out of the Temple.
Never give in to the ape things. Never give in.