Ahhh...the unwitting brilliance of Eminem. What ever happened to him anyway? Well, where ever he may be, he gave us this week's blog question so clearly he has not outlived his usefulness!
How many times have you said to yourself, and for that matter, to anyone who would listen--"I don't care what anyone else thinks...". I know I've said it at least once in the past month! In our heart of hearts, though, do we really believe that?
It seems an age-old question, but it is one that may not have just one answer: to what extent do other people's perceptions of you have an impact on the decisions you make?
Peer pressure, parental pressure, self-imposed pressure, all these outside, or inside, forces have the potential to make you act, or react, in ways that you normally might not if never exposed to those influences. My question is: Why? Why do we care? Why is it important? Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us? Or do they? Be honest with yourself when you answer. After all, it's just us.
Bullshit to anyone who ever said that they don’t care what other people think. I feel so strongly about this because I hear it so often. It’s all too commonplace to see people get up on their high horse and try to show off their indifference to the world. And I am just as guilty. It’s like a defense mechanism; demonstrating your strength, proving your confidence. But just watch as the eyes bulge and ears open when someone is on the receiving end of bitter slander…..”she said WHAT?”
ReplyDeleteWe care.
And we care because it isn’t fun to be the odd girl out, just like it isn’t fun to be insulted. People generally don’t want the spotlight, so they’ll do what they can to stay out of it. Sometimes, not acting in accordance with how other people want you to can compromise friendships. And especially in adolescence, companionship is vital. Which is why some people find solace in fake friends; they may not be trustworthy, but they’re there, if only for a moment.
My current “standing” in life has been greatly influenced by my parents. They set expectations; I set out to exceed them. They told me what I should and shouldn’t do, I obeyed them. It’s classic obedience, and I was taught young of the repercussions of challenging their authority. But naturally, as I got older, I tended to abandon some of the ideals they tried to brand me with. Additionally, every teen has experienced some form of peer pressure – and though I’ve always been one to drum to my own beat, the influence of my friends has often directed different paths for me.
It’s normal to wish for people to like you. It's stressful to consider the certain people who I don't associate with, basically because that person and I formed an unspoken agreement that we don’t like each other and that is that. In certain cases, people’s expectations of us will influence who we are because if they are low expectations, we yearn to exceed them. If they are high, we yearn to meet them. It’s a universal quality of people to desire respect, and respect comes from exceeding one’s expectations.
As for me, I care what people think. Unfortunately. I’m deeply bothered when I hear something bad that someone has said about me. It’ll trouble me for weeks after, possibly more so than the average person. Does that reflect a low self-esteem on my part? I’m not sure. I strive for acceptance among people but I would never compromise my true self for someone’s friendship, let alone their acceptance. I live in accordance to my values, have learned to consider and interpret the influence of other people’s values, but I have not yet learned to not care about what people have to say about me.
PART 1
ReplyDeleteEvery night I throw some clothes onto wherever in my room. Let’s just say it’s an open spot that I can find later. And by later, I mean in my half-asleep stupor at five in the morning only time and more sleep can cure. And I’m all out of more sleep. And then I wander into school, listening to the best music, and wearing whatever I happened to pick out the night before. And then I go around asking everyone how I look, whether the shirt is too wrinkled, if my shoes and watch match, if my shorts are too short, if stripes should go with plaid...
No. Not really.
I don’t care, honestly. I have shirts from bands many people know, shirts from bands few people know, shirts from two different web comics, shirts from Threadless (which I was introduced to by Schuyler, so check it out and give him thanks if you like it), a shirt from Fort Lauderdale, and shirts from some company my dad buys tools from. You know what? I walk into school every day feeling pretty good about whatever shirt I’m wearing. If I happen to not look good in a shirt, I just don’t give a damn. To me, I’m just wearing the coolest shirts around. And that sucks if you have a problem, because I won’t care. All of my cares are placed elsewhere at the moment. Please come back again next week, and you might just be in luck. That’s doubtful though.
Enough about shirts and introductions. If you haven’t picked up what I’m laying down here, I’m saying that I don’t care what people think FOR THE MOST PART. That part in the big capital letters is important. Anyways, on a normal day I’ll probably ignore everyone else’s perception of me. And that’s usually a pretty good day. Nothing goes awry. But normal days involve a few thoughts I have to pay attention to.
PART 2
ReplyDeleteFirst off, there’re the parents. Some have what they call a “work mouth” and however sexually connotative that may be (that level depends on how long you’ve let your mind fester in the gutter) it’s just the lack of profanity in your language in a setting where that profanity isn’t appropriate. Well, for me it’s the home mouth. My parents pay for all the stuff, and can decide to take away whatever I find most valuable. So I have to cover up what I say. I guess no backtalk? I haven’t tested those waters much. Anyways, they can take away stuff if they perceive me as not a good boy. Well, parents, I can find all the solace I need in books! So take that! As for what they expect of me, I’ve kind of fallen away from that. I’m doing pretty good in school, and I’d rather not plague myself with mountains of work. My work ethic is pretty bad though. I should work on that, for my sake.
Oh yeah. Friends. Well, it seems the way I act now seems to be okay with them, so I can keep on doing what I’ve been doing. I suppose if I had an acquaintance that had a problem with the way I acted, I would break all ties without a second thought. But if I have a good friend who I really like chilling with, I’ll probably change stuff up. Consider this phrase: “If they have a problem with who you are, then they aren’t worth your time.” That’s totally paraphrasing, by the way. I probably missed the actual quote by a long shot, but I bet everyone gets the idea. Anyways, there’s a certain point where “who you are” is an asshole. More than one person is obviously going to have a problem with that, and it’s going to not be those people who aren’t worth your time, but the other way around. If I’m being an asshole to any of my friends, I’ll just have to tweak whatever I’m doing a bit so everything stays as it was, with no quarrels to mention.
I just said stuff and didn’t answer the question. Well, to answer the question briefly, I’d say we care because of what I just said right there about being an asshole to friends. How we act affects how others perceive us and in turn act towards us, and if acting a certain way will cause hostility, many will want to change so they can dissolve said hostility. I have the good friends I do because they aren’t hostile when I act the way I want. I wouldn’t place myself in a group of people who would instantly perceive me in a negative way and start beating me with bars of soap as a result. That would be silly.
I guess I don’t sweat the small stuff. Appearance is no problem at all. People can look at me and think I’m ugly (or beautiful, if you want to believe in facts) or dressed strangely or not matching or whatever. I don’t care. But how people perceive my personality is something I’m concerned with, though not greatly so. I have more things to worry about these days than whether someone thinks I have terrible opinions.
Everyday, I wake up to be three types of people. When I look into the mirror in the morning, I have to be confident George. When I see my friends in school, I have to be cool George. When I see my parents, I have to be well-behaved George Finally, when I see my teachers or boss, I have to be Smart George. Why do I have three different personalities for different situations? Why do I change perspectives around different people.
ReplyDeleteWe change how we act in varying degrees, whether we admit it or not. Some people do quite well in keeping one personality in all situations, but maybe your more like me. Why do we pay attention to other’s perceptions of us? That’s easy, because no one wants to be left out. No one wants to be that awkward guy at the party who sits on the couch the whole time, and no one wants to be the guy failing in the back corner of class. We always want to fit in somewhere. Everyone needs acceptance in one form or another. If we didn’t have acceptance, how would we ever have confidence in ourselves? How would we ever impress someone else? How would we ever find who we are?
The way I act around my family is quite controlled. My language, clothing, and actions are always very carefully expurgated around people like my mother. The reason for his type of behavior is because of the relationship between me and my family. It’s quite simple. My family pays for my schooling and needs, while I maintain good standing as a son. Basically, I try hard not to piss my parents off, because I fear the consequences that can be brought upon me. Everyone’s family situation is different. However, the one thing that seems to be essential in every child is satisfaction. Everyone wants to make their parents pleased with them, it’s a want in all humans. Whether pleasing your parents means getting good grades, or staying out of jail, making your parents proud gives you a sense of confidence in yourself. That is why I act differently around my family.
Around friends, I’m almost an entirely different person. When I say friends, I mean my “Friends” as in the ones who have seen me outside of school. Like I said before, no one wants to be that awkward guy at the party, or even worse, the guy who doesn’t even get invited. Friends are important for two reasons. One, friends give you confidence in yourself and shapes your character. Two, friends are many times the medium for enjoying yourself. The reasons we adapt to other people are because we want to have fun and be accepted. Think of the kid who always says “I don’t care what other people think of me. I only care about myself, I don’t need to change for friends” Aren't they the depressed people with almost no friends? We don’t need to go out of the way to get friends, but as social creatures, we crave friendships. To impress those friends, we do things that relate to their expectations.
Kids will always act differently around adults. Everyone here is altered by the presence of a teacher. Those who work especially know what I’m talking about. Around adults I try to be the “good little George” to impress them. Older people always have expectations of younger people, so we alter ourselves to better suit their expectations. Most of the time, because they are in a position of authority. Pissing off the person in charge is always a bad move.
So do people’s view really matter? Is it a good thing that we change our ways around different people? Of course it is, that is how human relationships work. Whether your willing to admit it or not, we try to impress everyone. It might be your boss, your teacher, your best friend, your crush, your mother, or your sister. Regardless, we want to be seen as impressible. Being impressible to different people requires us to act differently in certain situations. It’s a good thing that we so diversely. In the long run, we get to really see who we actually are.
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ReplyDeleteConnie: I completely disagree with what you said about people really do care about what other people think. There are some people who really don't care and could give two flying poops about what people say about them. This is the same as acceptance, people who don't care aren't necessarily friendless they just have other people who care s little as they do.
ReplyDeleteGeorge: I often feel like Im a different person in front of different people, but I feel like whether you care about what others think about you or not is a matter of respect.
Cole: Truthfully you are one of the people who I was talking about when I said there are people who don't care. And I really admire this about you, because you are one of the few who I feel actually believe it.
I started this post feeling very adamantly that I don’t care about what other people think of me, but the more I wrote the more I realized that I was worried about posting it. Why? Because all of you would read it and pass further judgment on me. Not that I’m going to spend a lot of time thinking about all of your opinions, but just for the second that I was worried shows that I do care.
ReplyDeleteI have no problem walking in the hallway and having people stare at me but the second I have to get in front of my choir class to sing I will convulsively shake. Believe me its not because I’m worried that I don’t sound good, because I know I do, but I guess the idea that so many skeptical people are expecting me to be a certain way makes me scared that I wont please them I suppose. Maybe I just reittirate that I don’t care, so that eventually I really don’t care. In either case I do realize that basically no one that I interact with here is or has played a huge role in my life or where I’m going so at the end of the day I brush other peoples opinions off my shoulder.
Family and teachers however (at least right now) are always treated with more reapect than the average kid that may whisper some rude comment as I walk by. I have no choice but t care about what my parents think because, like George and Cole said, they are the only way I can live right now. So my behavior is always top notch and at its best when im around my parents because at the very least if they are will in to let me live I should be willing to not be a pain in the butt. This also goes for bosses, unfortunately most bosses have no reason to hire you unless your doing something for them. Whether it be just being a good worker or doing them favors. At that point your stuck because they hold your fate in their hands.
No job= No money= no survival ( and money is the key to survival now a days no matter what any motivational speaker says, in todays society anyway)
As a group of people, we say just about anything to shield ourselves from hurt as if saying you dont care about what other people think will keep them from trying to hurt you. Why do other people's perceptions or expectations of who we are have so much of an influence on us? Well I guess that would because we value acceptance, I mean why else would we let it influence us? I do want to say that this applies to most people. There are people who genuinely do not care about other people and what they think, so obviously they would prescribe with this feeling.
My unyielding opinions and my incessant need to make odious comments makes me come off as a bit stand-offish. You could say that I’m the embodiment of the term, “I don’t care.” It’s my go-to-phrase for anything and everything. Your puppy died? I don’t care. Your boyfriend dumped you. Mmmm that’s too bad, but I really don’t care. Your stance on the current political controversy differs from mine? I don’t care. Sometimes I feel as if I don’t care about anything. If I were in Harry Potter land, it would appear as if I had received the Dementor’s kiss. I’m a soulless walking carcass, void of any emotion. A zombie if you will. However, this is only a façade. As much as I’d like to not care about what others think of me, I do. I take in every comment and opinion that is aimed at me, and meticulously analyze it to death.
ReplyDeleteBasically everything I do is based off of what others’ expect me to do. I claim I’m my own person. And yet I live up to my parents’, teachers’, and peers’ expectations of me. Every. Single. Damn. Day. I don’t know why I do it; it’s probably because it has become a habit. I’m- Nyamekye-Coleman-and-I’m-going–to-do-whatever-anyone-tells–me-to-do. Forget being a soulless walking carcass, I am a puppet. Those annoying hand puppets that supposedly make children’s stories better but in reality just make me want to shoot something. As a result, I force myself to come off as carefree. But in reality, I’m the exact opposite! In no way am I am fractious being. If someone wants me to do something, chances are I’ll do it, no matter how much I whine and object.
This is probably one of my worst characteristic traits. Aside from my asinine statements. The fact that I can’t be my own person bothers me to no end. However, the fact that I’m a product of every person’s opinion of me, sort of makes me who I am. If my teachers didn’t constantly stress the importance of education, would I be in the position I am academically? If my parents didn’t instill the notion of respect into me, would I give two-cents about what anyone said about me? If my peers didn’t engage or interact with me, would I obtain the same personality traits? Who would I be without others’ inputs?
This whole post may sound a bit discursive, but in my head it’s making sense to me. Something that rarely happens. The perceptions of who I am are skewed. As is everything else in this life. I fester (not Uncle Fester!) in people’s opinions of me. I long for acceptance. I strive to make people happy. Or at least content. But in the end, I am me. A product of all the perceptions and opinions ever dealt out to me.
I think it’s no secret that I wear my heart on my sleeve so I’ll be completely honest – I have definitely said “I don’t care what (inset name) thinks,” but I NEVER completely mean that ( but I’m sure I never fool any of you guys when I say those things anyway). There is no possible way that a person doesn’t care what another person thinks about them. It’s human nature. Maybe they care very slightly, but nevertheless, they care. A person doesn’t want to be made fun of or gossiped about. Most teenagers have been the victim of both of these things, including me, and it’s never fun.
ReplyDeleteSo why do we say we don’t care? Well I personally say it to seem stronger than I actually I am; I don’t want to look like the weak one. I don’t want to look like the one who has other people’s opinions rule her life. And although other people definitely don’t rule my life, they do play a role in it, and I do mull over what they say sometimes.
People care because they want to be accepted. It doesn’t matter who is accepting you. It can be a teacher, a parent, a friend, or barely an acquaintance, just as long as someone is accepting of him/her. A person doesn’t want to be the one who is laughed at or the one who is whispered about in the hallway. So he/she tries to fit in with a group of people that they want to be like. So to be accepted by different types of people, a person has to slightly alter the way they act. However this isn’t to say they change the core of who he/she is. For instance, I would never act the same way around my teacher as I do my friends, because they play a different role in my life. But, both my teacher and my friends have a pretty good idea of who I am as a person. They both know the core values I believe in and have a good idea of how I will react in certain situations.
As the motivational speaker said yesterday, you are an average of your friends, so surround yourself with good people. As I look at my friends (or really anyone in my life), they bring out a different side of me. Some of the people in my life are more confident and outgoing, so I try to be more outgoing. Some of the people in my life are more responsible and respectable, so I act a different way around them. Some are a little loud and reckless, so I tend to be a little hasty and careless too. Each person in my life plays a different role to bring out a different side to my personality. Some of you may think this is having a multiple personality disorder, but to me it’s just one big complicated personality. Each aspect of my personality is shown in a different light when I’m around different people.
I always try to exceed people’s expectations, but in reality, I know I’m not always going to do that. I think people try harder to exceed expectations if the expectations belong to someone they deeply care about. The number one thing in my life is my family, so I always try to exceed their expectations. It could be getting an A on my test, getting first in a meet, or little things, like cleaning my room. It could even be making dinner when they weren’t expecting it. I think the more you care about the person’s opinion of you, the harder you are going to try to exceed their expectations. If you have a teacher you really love, you may try to study harder for a test in their class because you want them to be proud of you. One of the main aspects this applies to in my life is sports. The more I like a coach, the more I’m willing to work for them. I want to see them smile and tell me “Good job, I’m proud of you.” On the other hand, I’ve had coaches who just yell and tell me to practice. Frankly, I won’t practice that hard for you because I don’t care as much if you’re disappointed in me. If I don’t like you, I’m not going to try as hard. It’s just that simple.
I’m very much the thoughtful softie, so from now on, when I say “I don’t care about what you think,” you’ll know that I probably do.
Connie: I LOVE your post. I absolutely love it. I don’t think I could disagree with you on any point and it was said so well. One part that I particularly liked was your ending sentence of “live in accordance to my values, have learned to consider and interpret the influence of other people’s values, but I have not yet learned to not care about what people have to say about me.” I suppose I could say the same thing. I never sacrifice my values to be friends with someone, but I still think about what others have to say about me. I don’t act like something I’m not just to please someone. Once again, I loved this. And I loved your insight.
ReplyDeleteGeorge: I can’t say I completely agree with this statement: “Think of the kid who always says ‘I don’t care what other people think of me. I only care about myself, I don’t need to change for friends’ Aren't they the depressed people with almost no friends?” I just think that some people use the statement “I don’t care what other people think of me” as a mechanism of defense, but they usually do have friends. I can understand the people who say this because they are not willing to change who they are on the inside to please someone. It’s obvious that people are going to adjust their personality to fit a certain situation, but that isn’t to say they change themselves or their values. I can’t say that these people are depressed. They usually do have friends and are happy with them, but aren’t going to change themselves to make more, which is understandable. Aside from this statement, I did enjoy reading your post and I can completely agree with you on how people change themselves when they are around different people. Also I agree with the fact that people get a sense of confidence and satisfaction when someone accepts them. I think you made that point very clear and understandable.
Nyamekye: I particularly liked your ending statement about how you are a product of everyone’s opinions, expectations, and perceptions. I feel like I am the same way. I wouldn’t be the same person or have the same values without the influences that I grew up around, so I can completely understand what you mean here.
Olivia - Well, i read your comment on my blog...and then i read your blog...Sounds to me like you do care, a lot! I never said it was a bad thing. It's human nature. If i could go back and edit my blog i'd probably talk about how there are varying levels of caring though, like you talked about.
ReplyDeleteGeorge - I found it interesting how you delved into people's need to "impress". It's true! And that is how we show that we care, by desiring acceptance and approval and from there building relationships. But it's funny how i've known you for 7+ years and I've only seen one George :P
Dominique - you basically shared my point but delivered it in different words. And just know that you aren't alone when it comes to having that big complex personality - that's everyone! But i too would consider myself the product of all the different personalities in which i've created friendships with
Connie - Yeah, we pretty much wrote the same thing. I wrote mine and posted it, and then read yours and was like, "Wow, Connie just said that."
ReplyDeleteI am a very big believer in doing your own thing. I often venture to say that I don’t care what other people think. On some level or another, however everyone has to care about what other people think. As for peer pressure, I handle it well. If you look at my group of friends, we are all different but at the same time, we’re all the same. As I sit here typing this very blog response I’m listening to a mix of Opus Orange and Mando Diao. These are bands that I would be surprised if anyone knew who they were. I don’t listen to them because my parents do, or my sister does. I don’t listen to them because that’s what’s “cool”, they certainly are not! I listen to them because I enjoy it. And this same theorem goes for the types of movies I enjoy, the foods I eat, who my friends are, and pretty much everything else that occurs on my day to day life.
ReplyDeleteSo, where do people’s influences fit? That I don’t know. I tend to stray away from pop culture and conformity, not that I have anything wrong with conformity. I guess I never really thought about this subject that hard. Perhaps this is because I just don’t care about much of anything in general. I do my own thing and you do yours and that’s that. I couldn’t care less about trivial emotions and stuff like that. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been called a cold hearted bitch I would probably have enough to put myself through college. Trust me, I’m told at least twice a week by both people I know and don’t know. My family is the complete opposite though. My mother and sister are highly emotional and my dad is the first one by your side holding your hand when something goes wrong. My friends are amazing people who would do anything they could for you. Maybe this is where influences come into play.
I’ve given two examples of how I don’t necessarily let outside influence of “peer-pressure” into my head. This could very well however be my way of influencing myself. I see how crappy people’s lives are, great selfless people who devote their live to others, and their lives are horrible at the least. I don’t want that. I want… I’m not quite sure. Maybe my mind has tricked me into thinking that if I stray away from what other people or doing/thinking/feeling then maybe my life will turn out better. Maybe it’s the influence of other people that causes me to not be like other people.
I think this is all psychological. I think that people subconsciously want to fit in and attempt to at all costs. I on a day to day basis don’t give a crap about what other people think of do for that matter. I don’t like your music (or consider half of it music in the first place), I don’t like your jeans that are three sizes too small, and I most certainly do not want to. It’s in people’s nature to fit in and I happen to be perfectly content with where I am. I have amazing friends and an amazing family who except me for who I am and maybe I’ll change, maybe they’ll change. People don’t realize that they don’t live everyone else’s lives. I just require respect. And that I think is where other people actually matter. If I had no respect I would probably not be where I am. And this was most likely influence, the influence that as a child I was too naïve to resist and as a teenager respect enough to allow into my character. So yes, I listen to weird music and like creepy movies and don’t give a flying hell about your emotions or wishes, but I will always have respect for you, no matter the circumstances.
Janel: "I do my own thing and you do yours and that’s that. " This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes that goes something like "I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine." I admire how you are able to be your own person. So many times, people change themselves just to fit in. But you're content with just being you!
ReplyDeleteFrist of all, I love Eminem so point Bunje for bringing it hip hop. But let's be honest, anyone who ever says they don't care what people think of them are clearly lying. Take my mom for example, she'll go out in public dressed like a slob and say, "whatever, I don't care what people think of me." and then spend thirty minutes trying to figure out which pants goes with which shirt in the morning; and she's a gym teacher. Another thing is, if people make a point to say they don't care what people think, there's a very good chance they care. Paralipsis?
ReplyDeletePersonally, I will never deny this truth. I do care what people think of me. I cut my hair a certain way, dress a certain way, and do many other things just to please my peers and my parents. I have many personalities just like George. I have well-behaved Bobby, rapper Bobby, Shaggy Headed Bobby, and friendly Bobby. (If you get me bad you might even see a little bit of d-bag Bobby). But all of this is done as to please a certain group of people. People that are really close to me too. It is commonly said that "if they're your friends, then they should love you no matter what." However, I can almost guarantee that if I came to school tomorrow with bell-bottoms, a ripped up white t-shirt, black boots and a perm, some of my closest friends would make an effort to stay away. Not to mention if I didn't shower or brush my teeth. Every decision you make will have an effect on the way people look at you, and the way people look at you will effect your life. Don't even try to deny it.
Think about this, if you deny caring about what people think about you, then you are creating a personality for yourself. You will constantly deny caring what people think because you have that reputation to be "the one who doesn't care". And if you really think about it, then you care if people think you do care. So you always care. It's just like saying that nothing is on your mind. You are always thinking about something, you may just be doing it subconsciously. So no matter what you say, you do care, you just care that people think you care. (I probably made that ten times more confusing than it needed to be)
Why do we care? That's easy. People spend hours upon hours trying to create a reputation for themselves to uphold. If we don't uphold these expectations of people, then we are letting ourselves down in a way. People try their absolute best to live up to their own standards; high or low. They set goals for themselves and make them achievable. If people tell them that they are different than what they want to be, then they have failed as people. So basically, people care about what others think because they care about themselves.
So in conclusion, all humans are selfish.
Cole, don’t you ever wish you were more widely accepted? I understand not concentrating on what others think, but don’t you ever pay a little attention to it? I know you have plenty of your friends, but don’t you ever wish that you fit in “just a bit more” Do you think it is ever a good idea to change to look “better” in another person’s viewpoint?
ReplyDeleteOlivia, do you think confidence is directly related to the need to fit in with others. I ask because you mentioned “because I’m worried that I don’t sound good, because I know I do.” Do you believe the more confident you are in yourself, the less you have to hide your true personality? I sure do, and I was just wondering if you thought there was a connection.
Janel, do you ever feel peer pressure? I ask, because it sounds like you are the most immutable to the perceptions of others out of everyone. Do you think it is more difficult to change yourself for perceptions or ignore others perceptions? Sometimes I wish I hadn’t changed for other’s perceptions, but sometimes it is just as hard to ignore the way people view me. Just wondering about your thoughts.
In response to Connie: I love your post. You really seem to see the truth and not what other people try to hide behind sparkles and glitter. I really appreciate the honesty in your post, about how you admit to being just like the others and finding yourself at fault for something you hate so much. I also really like your point about the spotlight. Now that I think about it, you're right. People care about what others think so they are not singled out. I've never thought about it that way, but I'm glad you brought it to my attention.
ReplyDeleteIn response to George: I said this before and I'll say it again. You really hit the nail on the head when it comes to having multiple personalities. I've seen people see this as a problem, and I've also seen people blame me for doing this; say it's not the way you're supposed to be. But quite honestly, you have no choice. When your parents expect you to be some super child, how can you not act like that super child around them. I don't know about everyone else, but I always seek to impress my parents. If I don't act like this super child that I am thought to be, then I feel like I've let them down.
In response to Janel: I also believe in doing my own thing. I don't know how this is going to sound, but I really don't want it to sound mean or bad or whatever, but I really expected you to say you didn't care what others thought. I was so ready to argue, but you kind of let me down....No im just kidding but seriously, I really respect your post. I like the idea of doing your own thing, and I'd like to think I do my own thing too, but I'm not going to lie. I do things to please others, and I do things far from what I would actually do if I were all alone with no friends. So I hope you continue your quest to do your own thing for the sake of America, doing things for others is overrated anyway.
My biggest weakness is how much I let other people’s thoughts influence my actions.
ReplyDeleteBecause I care so much what people think, I spend a lot of time thinking about other people’s perceptions of me, about what must be going through their minds when they see me take a certain path, about how they might react if they hear a certain slew of words escape my lips. The sad part is that I know people aren’t nearly as conscious of me as I am of myself. I wish I could be like many of my friends, and truthfully utter the words “I don’t care”, but, for me, it would always be a lie.
Within the comfort of my own mind, I have a path set out for myself. I know what type of person I want to be. I know what type of life I want to lead. But as soon as the opinions of others infiltrate my thoughts, I begin to doubt myself. I am firm in my convictions—that is, until they are in danger of judgment. That’s part of the reason I share so little of myself with the world. I’m more than afraid of being judged; I’m afraid of how my brain will react to those judgments. I fear the person I will grow into if I let the judgments of the people around me morph me into someone I’m not. And given how much stock I take in those judgments, I have reason to fear.
I (hypocritically) affirm that every individual should act in accordance with their own beliefs. The only expectations that should truly affect your life are the expectations you place on yourself. If you care too deeply about who your friends and family want you to be, you will lose sight of who you want to be. Everything I’ve ever worked for in my life has been for me. Maybe it’s selfish, but I set my own bar and knock down anyone else’s. When it comes to grades and sports, as long as I’m satisfied, then anything my parents or friends say rolls right off my back. I live to please myself, and only myself.
When it comes to more personal decisions, however, I’m constantly struggling with the “I don’t care” mentality. I strive to live for myself—listen to the music I truly enjoy, speak the words I truly feel, surround myself with the people I truly like—but I find it so difficult to be absolutely myself at a time in my adolescence when the opinions of others weigh so heavy on my shoulders. It’s not just the judgments of the general public. More often it’s a close friend or family member whose perceptions I care most about. For some inexplicable reason, how people feel about my personal and emotional decisions means the world to me, especially when, most of the time, the people who are perceiving me mean the universe to me.
Even if I had a photographic memory, I don’t think I’d be able to tell you how many times I’ve said that I don’t care what people think about me. If someone doesn’t like what I’m wearing, saying, doing, etc., I’ll blow it off and say, “I don’t care.” The way I see it, I am who I am and if anyone has a problem with that, well, they’re just not worth trying to make think differently. A sad fact though, is that no matter how fervently I insist that I don’t care, and no matter how many people may believe me, I don’t believe myself. If someone does judge me, there’s that slight pang I get in the pit of my stomach and I think, “Why can’t I make them like me?” It’s upsetting when the people I do try impress sometimes won’t acknowledge my efforts, or think I’m trying too hard. Actually, upsetting isn’t the right word. It’s frustrating. It makes me want to pull my hair out and scream. But I digress.
ReplyDeleteWe all know those people who will swear on their mother’s life that they don’t give a rat’s ass about others’ opinions (you know, like I do, but more believable). They’re those kids who declare war on conformity and tell anyone and everyone they may cross paths with that they simply don’t care, but even the kids like that, deep down, they do. Sure, they may not be like a middle school-er whose main concern is if their Hollister jeans go with their Abercrombie & Fitch top and their American Eagle boots and if the girl who’s flirting with her crush is wearing the same shirt, OH WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK; but, they care. On some level, they care. It may not dictate what they do or say as much as it may a preteen, but it still affects them.
For me, I care most about parental opinion because my parents expect certain things from me. I’ve always been a straight A (or as of late, A/B) student, I’m their oldest, I’m the “brain” of the family (well, of the kids at least, can’t give myself THAT much credit :P). Since a very young age, I’ve been coming home with “100” written on the top of my paper, so anything that strays too far from that standard is frowned upon in my household. It’s stressful because I feel like I’m letting them down every time I do poorly and in turn, I create my own self-imposed pressure that causes me to freak out when I don’t do as hot as I would hope not only because I feel as if I’m letting my parents down, but as if I’m letting myself down. When it comes to the opinion of my peers, the only ones that really have an effect on how I act are those of my boyfriend, and of my close friends. Otherwise, people’s opinions don’t affect how I present myself. Sure, I’ll get that pang, and it’ll bother me for a little, but it’s not like it’ll make me change who I am. It’s only those who are important to me that even have a chance of influencing my behavior. Maybe I do this because I don’t want to disappoint or lose those people, their importance in my life dictates how easily I’m manipulated by them.
I think this is true for most people: the more important someone is to you, the more likely you are to change yourself for them or to meet their expectations. No matter how much someone swears they don’t care about what other people think about them, it’s a ruse. They have to care on some level.
I used to want to make everybody laugh. I did the most ridiculous things; it was slapstick humor, not real humor. I screamed random stuff as loud as possible, slammed myself against walls, let people trip me, disrespected my teachers, and said the same things over and over and over again because (for some strange and unknowable reason) I thought people thought that was funny. Then eighth grade rolled along. One day, in the middle of the year, I was being especially obnoxious and Matt turned to me during Mr. Standford’s class and said, “TOM SHUT UP! NOBODY THINKS YOU’RE FUNNY!” (Yes I’m quoting him.) Took me long enough to get the message. From then on, I worked on making sure that I was less annoying and attempted to look into what others thought of me, rather than my perception.
ReplyDeleteAlthough it has taken a few years, I have become more conscious of others’ perception of me, and I try to keep it more like the real me, rather than a stupid, immature, old me. My goal is not to get as many friends as possible, but to get as many of the right friends as possible. By being myself and not worrying about acting to impress anyone, I can acquire the right friends for me, without attracting people that wouldn’t like me for who I really am. Although I don’t care about what the general public thinks of me, I truly value my friends’ opinions and suggestions because they are constructive rather than debilitating. Also, I only care about what my close friends think of me, but not what anybody else thinks of me because they aren’t the ones that matter most in my life.
What people think is important to me now because I figured out that I don’t want to offend them or make them annoyed, even if I don’t particularly care for them. Annoying people isn’t my thing, at least not intentionally, anymore. I care about this because I don’t think of myself as bothersome, so I want others to view me as such; therefore, I want to make decisions that do not irritate people. Overall, the people that have been involved in my life have formed who I am today, and no matter how cheesy that sounds, it’s true. In my attempts to portray myself, I use my actions to reveal my traits and values (like honesty). To put all this simply, I try to make friends by acting like myself, and using their input to find character flaws in myself and make myself better, and I now care about some people’s opinions about me.
Feelings are inextricably entwined to the feelings of others. From observation, I’ve noticed a couple of things. There are people out there that honestly don’t give a damn about what anybody else thinks of them or says, and even if there aren’t, we can’t really assume we know how everybody in the world thinks, because everybody is unique. These genuine people live for themselves and are the purest forms of people, and they love themselves for it. Even if everybody else hates them, they are floating above everybody else. But instead of looking up to them like the stars, we condemn them as the rainy day clouds. I’ve also noticed that regardless of how many people love you, you can only be truly happy if you love yourself. And sometimes, loving yourself is all you need if you don’t let other people’s thoughts and opinions get to you. They’re out there. They don’t have to dress “weird” or say “awkward” things. Some people just do things for themselves and nobody else. And for the people who do dress “weird” and say “awkward” things, these people live life not with deaf ears and guarded eyes, but with a beautiful indifference to the harsh opinions of others.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I am stricken with an insane amount of jealousy of them. I do love myself. I’m perfectly happy. I’m not concerned that people think I’m weird, or awkward, or psycho. I’m not worried that I’m a nerd. Well, maybe I care a little bit, but not enough to especially make any impact on anything. I care too much about other people’s feelings. If somebody seriously ticks me off and I say things I should never say and they get hurt, I don’t care. I’m not the kind of person to say I’m sorry later, because I meant it at the time. I wanted them to hurt at the time. I’m not going to blame it on a bad temper. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. But when I unintentionally upset somebody… I feel impossibly worse than they do. Any love I felt for myself dissipates within seconds. My stomach rolls and my heart drops. If I hurt other people without trying, I feel like I have an atrocious character flaw. When somebody else thinks I’m an appalling person it just kills me. When I think back to my two most recent breakdowns, they were both centered around how other people perceived me, because I’m very easily persuaded into taking too much stock in other’s opinions. Even if they start off being upset about something trifling, they always turn into a huge internal war over whether or not I should like myself.
I don’t like to speak for why other people do the things they do. I can normally give a good insight about why people act a certain way, since I’m so attuned to the feelings of other people, but I do not pretend to know the secrets of their mind. Or, at least, I try not to speak for other people. If I had to give a guess as to why people care, I’d just say it’s a characteristic of society. All of our lives are interconnected. We can’t live in society without crossing paths of hundreds of others. By the choice of living in society, we choose to tie ourselves to other people, and in doing so, tend to need the approval of others to function. For the most part, we don’t know how to live in solitariness. Most of us can’t fathom the thought of spending too much time away from other people, and it’s just because of this that we seek the approval of others. We can’t imagine living without people, so we strive for people to like us so we won’t have to. But other than that, it really depends on the person.
Honestly, to an extent, I don’t think we should care about what other people say and think. However, the catch is we need to care if we are offending other people. Every person has every right to be their own person, but I don’t believe it should extend to hurting others. Be you so long as it only really affects you. Also, I believe if a very large group of people are all forming the same negative opinion of a person, perhaps it is something that should be looked at more intimately. One or two people here and there will form negligible misconceptions. And a large group can all be wrong too. Still, there is more credibility in numbers, and perhaps there is something wrong there. It’s tough on both sides. We shouldn’t care what others think, but it’s hard for me to devalue the thoughts and feelings of others. Even if I think I’m amiable and likeable, I don’t like discrediting how other people feel. I don’t see why my opinion is necessarily right compared to theirs. By not caring what they think, I can also be disregarding the truth that my big head has blocked. That’s why I’m so torn. You should be you no matter what. But you can’t hurt other people too much in the process. Other people are often wrong about you, but you can’t just assume you’re right either. Sometimes it’s beneficial to care, and sometimes it’s detrimental. It just depends on the person and situation.
ReplyDeleteMost of my pressure is self-imposed. I asked my parents what they did to make me so ambitious, and they said, “We didn’t do anything. We didn’t have to.” I don’t really feel peer pressure. All of my pressure, because I was just so ambitious by nature, I guess, was created by me. I could never understand why anybody wouldn’t want to try and do their best. I live off of stress. I create so much unnecessary stress for myself, mostly things that shouldn’t even be considered stressful. I feel worse when I’m not stressed out than when I am. When I’m stressed I feel like I’m doing something for myself, that I’m pushing myself to be better. Over the summer, when I do nothing, the ease stings me. It burns away at the edges of me, eating its way in. “I could be running right now, to stay in shape for lacrosse,” I’d think to myself. So I’d go for a run at 2 in the afternoon in the 95 degree weather. “I don’t have any work, but I could be studying in advance for Chemistry,” I’d think, and crack open my chemistry book. Eventually I just decided to start writing a book. I need to feel like I’m trying so I can be happy with myself. I need to have the approval of other people to convince myself that any love I have for myself isn’t without grounds.
George: I often wonder if I put on different charades for different people. I mean, I know I act somewhat differently around different people depending on what kind of person they are, but I never know if it’s considered people-pleasing or if it’s just courtesy.
ReplyDeleteOlivia: For some reason, I don’t think I act top notch around my parents. They’re seriously outstanding parents, and I don’t want to make their life hard or anything, but I feel like because we know each other so well I can’t act especially nice to them. I feel like they’re the two of the only people I can be my complete self around. I have nothing to hide from them. If my mom says something stupid, I’ll call her out for it. If she yells at my Dad for no reason, I’ll yell at her. I feel no pressure to be über nice to her. If my Dad is being a complete and total blockhead about some really easy issue, I’ll roll my eyes with my mom. If I ask him a yes or no question, and he answers in a really five minute long discursive rant ending in, “I can’t really answer that question,” I’ll openly express my irritation. I expect them to do the same with me. I should probably rethink how I act, especially my mom. Sometimes I just have a hard time with keeping in what I think is right to say just because she’s my mom. It’s not really a pardon in my book.
Dominique: God, I can’t agree more with you on the last part. The more you like somebody, the more you definitely try to impress them. Sometimes there’s nothing better than that approving nod from a teacher, or a pat on the back from the coach. But as soon as somebody shows any kind of negativity or apathy towards you, you reciprocate the apathy back. Sometimes I try to impress the people who like me more than the people who don’t like me.
To George: I really thought what you said about the different personalities was interesting. I feel that I used to do that more often than I used to, but I do it much less so than then because of my vast personality change.
ReplyDeleteTo Connie: I know what you mean by saying that people usually care about what other people think. However, I don't think that that is right 100% of the time. People have the capability to not care about what people think, although that is not a majority of people.
To Bobby: I like Eminem also. I also didn't find your blog confusing, but maybe that's just me having just as weird of brain patterns as you... Anyway your blog was good and honest and stuff.
Okay. I know this is going to be a huge shocker to everyone. I actually do care what other people think. But let's be real here people. Don't we all? For all you rebels out there thinking to yourselves, "I do what I want" just shut up now and take a minute to listen to some words of wisdom from yours truly. Besides, all your doing is quoting Southpark. That's way too mainstream.
ReplyDeleteSo I need to define a little thing first called perception. Perception, in this case (as I will use a different version of it in my next OP), is how a living thing views something due to their culture. Now hear me out here. If you take a look at something red (for me it is my Boston University hoody) there is no doubt in the world that the color is called red. I call it red, you call it red, spanish people call it rojo (for all of you who don't know spanish, that's red). In case I didn't beat the dead horse enough, the object is undeniably red. Now here's where it gets really funky. I may see the color red in a different way that you see red. I may see it as a color that you would call yellow. Since we have been taught that the color is called red though, we all call it red. So even though we all see the color in different ways, we all perceive it as red as part of our culture.
So who's to say that this doesn't apply to every decision we make? The types of clothes we all buy are generally out there because everyone else wants to buy them. Otherwise there wouldnt really be clothes. But if you don't really think that the analogy above isn't enough, then try to much on these apples.
There's three types of decisions that a person can make.
1. To agree with others/society.
2. To disagree with others/society.
3. To remain neutral on the subject.
All three of these decisions of ours are affected, in some way, by the views of others.
ReplyDeleteObviously if you are agreeing with society, you have taken on the views of others to answer a decision. For example, you live in a densly populated area in which everybody just listens to Polka music. People there threaten to beat you up if you do not listen to Polka music. You decide in you mind, "Hey this Polka stuff isn't bad" and start listening to it. You have just agreed with society.
If you are disagreeing with society, you are still influenced by the view of others, just with an opposite effect. A lot of decisions that fall in this category sprout up to make a point, like protesting, or as some people say they "don't care." Well I'm sorry to you noncomformists that say you "don't care," but you obviously have at some point in your life stated that you dislike the way society is run to make everyone the same, you believe that you are different so you follow away from the fold. That is still being affected by society guys.
The third one can barely be considered a type. If you are neutral, then you are pretty much just a bystander. God do I hate bystanders. Like in a fight, when someone is getting beat up for no apparent reason and people just watch. Bystanding though is not always to the same degree as a bystander in a fight. It can be as simple as just throwing on whatever is in your closet because you need to wear clothes. My general conclusion here is that 99.9999999% people that remain neutral are actually siding with others/society, they just aren't directly supporting it. Even with the situation of the clothes, the clothes in your closet are still affected by others around you.
So yeah, I'm affected by others in every sense. It's important to, because otherwise you just completely break off from humanity in general. I have always believed that the true road to success lies within those that one knows. We need the opinions of others to really build our way to the top. It isn't so much the fact that we are affected by the ways other perceive us directly. We want to be what we perceive others to be. That goes for even if those others are a select few. To be this though, we need to be perceived that way by everyone else. Like Eminem says. "I Am Whatever You Say I Am."
On a final note, I decided that I am this way due to a game I played at the LTC for student council over the summer. Well, it was more like an activity. It was a way for someone to categorize themselves as a leader. I decided that I was the type of leader that needs everyone's input. It's not so much that I "need" that input, but with the input of others, it tends to make the job easier. More people will help make their idea a reality. I figured this could be applied to any circumstance an that pretty much everyone does apply it.
To Rachel: It's alright to have your views changed by others, just don't let your whole life get ruled by it. You have no need to be afraid of what others think. Just take the ideas of others to create your own ideas in a sense.
ReplyDeleteTo Janel: I think the influences you're talking about come in as ways to create a mind set. Either way everyone's part of the culture I talk about in mine.
To Tom: I'm glad that you find yourself going down a better path than before, even if you needed the wakeup call that Matt gave you. I hope that I'm one of those right kinds of friends that you have. It's like what the guy said at the assembly. You are who your five closest friends are. This is why I can agree with you 100% here.
Truthfully, we all do care about what others think. Well, sometimes we don’t care. Sometimes we just don’t have any cares to give about what others think. However, there is no denying the simple truth that we do consider the thoughts of others. It is human nature to feel insecure, and as a result we have from deep within, a nagging feeling to belong and take into consideration the thoughts of others before we do something. Personally, I try not to care what others think of me. Well to put this in perspective, I don’t care what others think about my appearance or ideals. These things are a part of me. They make up who I am. And, frankly, I’ll be damned if I let others stifle my creativity, freedom of expression, and ability to think the way I do.
ReplyDeleteAs a result, I for the most part don’t care. I don’t care what others have to say about anybody but themselves. You can do what you do, and I’ll do what I do. It’s that simple. I’ll wear what I like to wear, I’ll say what I feel needs to be said, I’ll think whatever I think, and act how I see fit. Nonetheless, there is this thing called society. Society is huge. I don’t think it needs repeating. Society indirectly affects what we feel, what we think, and how we act. Even, if we think we are making decisions for ourselves on our own merit; there are subtle phenomenons that shape the way we make decisions.
A lot of how society affects us is reasonably contained within the sphere of public perception. Public perception dictates what each person individually feels is acceptable in society. It is drilled into most everybody’s mind that killing is wrong for the most part. So say I go over and kill any person in general. It’s hard for one to not care about what others will think about your actions. As a result we don’t go around committing crimes such as murder, usually. Now on a less severe scale, we can’t just go outside wearing only socks. Society dictates this. It is inappropriate to go streaking. As a result, you don’t do things that are generally socially unacceptable. These broad socially accepted rules or conditions affect the limit at which we consider doing things. Even less severe, but more extensive; the choices we make in regards to success and performance are dictated by society. As humans we want to feel superior, so we go to extremes to prove our worth and ability. We are also afraid of failure. I’m sure most of you have heard about how many are afraid to answer a question in class in fear of getting the question wrong. BOOM! Here are social pressures that affect our actions. Why? We care about what others think. We strive to be better than everyone else. We, as humans, have that “I want to take you down and look better than everyone” mentality. Obviously we can derive that we obviously do care about what others think.
However, it needs to be clear that this doesn’t apply in every case. There are those that feel strongly about what they think, and have their own style which they aren’t afraid to let show. However, most everybody cares about what everyone else thinks, even in the slightest and most unnoticeable things. It’s all subjective and case dependent. Conversely, I suspect strongly that there are those that don’t give a crap about what others say. These are people that are either deemed social outcasts or the unmotivated in life. Now some of these people (The social outcast) are good people who are taking on the challenge of just living their own way. But for the most part these people are unmotivated and will do what they want to acquire what they feel they want on any given occasion. Out of this we will see killers and bums. They simply do not care. That’s just life I’m afraid.
ReplyDeleteConclusively, we as a whole, care about what others think. I care what others think about me in certain cases. I want to be thought of as a decently nice and kind person who is successful. I try to be that person. I really do. But sometimes, I could not even give a crap about what you think about me. Sometimes I just feel like people can take their opinions and shove them up their you know what. And I think people should adopt this feeling as well. Don’t let the opinions of other’s destroy the person you were meant to be. Show your true colors, but don’t become a poor person as a result of not caring about what others think. Always care to the extent that doesn’t stop you from being you.
Giovinco: When you were describing the type of person who remains neutral and you said that they tend to side with society, but don't really support it, I have to say I don't particularly agree with that. I mean, I agree that there are three different types of people the agreers, disagreers, and neutrals, but the ones who remain neutral are the ones who can't PICK a side (as I just exemplified, if you did not notice). They're the people who qualify and say, "Well society has a good point, but so does those who oppose society." Ya feel?
ReplyDeleteRachel: I can totally relate to how you say that you have your own opinion, but then once you hear someone else's, you're like, "Oh, that's a really good point, I agree with that." Whenever we'd have a discussion in Costal's class last year, whenever Connie or Matt or Olivia or Ciara voiced their view on something, I'd almost want to change my opinion to incorporate theirs. And it's really hard to fend off what someone else says and stay true to what you think, but maybe a little bit of faith in our own convictions would go a LONG way.
Janel: I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say you care too much about someone else's feelings. For the most part, if someone is offended by something I do, I don't really care. But if I hurt someone's feelings SEVERELY and they're upset because of me, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. It's hard to try and make everyone happy, which is why most of us don't even bother. It's even harder to intentionally make someone upset, and deal with the repercussions after you're sane again.
To Mike: I enjoyed your analysis on the three types of decisions one can make. This is true. And it doesn’t have to be these three decisions all the time. Most everybody feels differently on some subjects at hand. One might agree with the majority of society on one thing and disagree on a another. This is a great observation of humanity. Everyone has a different level of agreement that is personal to the person. And as you said, most every decision is affected by the opinion of others.
ReplyDeleteTo Cole: As always I enjoyed your input. Although, I think that you deep down do care about what others think on some level. I think you do, I know you well enough. But I understand that you’re a lax person. You’re your own man. I respect that completely. I also agree that the situation can affect your actions. One’s parents, one’s friends, and authority figures all have an effect on our actions. Because we care about their actions and the way they think about things. Regardless, there are social restrictions that limit our actions. We care, even in the slightest. But, we don’t care to the extent that kills our spirit and personality.
To Janel: High five for being who you want to be and not caring about what others think. This is my whole reasoning. We have to care enough to be overall socially accepted. But we shouldn’t care enough that it limits our personality and changes the person we are. We should do our own thing and not even consider the opinions of others. They can do their own thing. I completely agree with what you’re saying.
To George: I do feel peer pressure just like, in my opinion, every teenager does. For instance I was over my sister’s friend’s house and they were smoking and drinking and wanted me to as well so I walked out and called my parents to come pick me up at the closest Wawa. I am just good at blocking things out. I don’t know why but if I am around thing I don’t agree with I try to get myself out of the situation and if I can’t then I ignore whatever it is that’s going on. It’s just a protection mechanism I guess, if I don’t like something then I remove myself from the situation. In response to your post, I am very surprised. Like Connie I can only recall seeing one side of you. As I treat practically everyone the same, which has gotten me in trouble before, I couldn’t imagine how tiring it is to be about three different people every day. I give you a lot of credit; that would just drive me crazy!
ReplyDeleteTo Bobby: Don’t worry, I am not offended! In your post I like that you brought up the point about reputations. I would have to say that in the past I have, especially in middle school, done things to fulfill my reputation. By this point in my life though I’ve had the friends I’ve had pretty much forever. They’ve seen me in pajamas (like today!), they’ve seen me in dress clothes, they’ve been with me through my cousin’s death and whatever else may be thrown in my direction. And no matter what stupid things I say, or how un-matching my clothes are they still enjoy being my friends. In this department I am unusually lucky. Not everyone has that. I believe that my friends being so laid back and forgiving has something to do with my personality, more subconsciously though. Unlike your mom I don’t spend excessive time getting dressed, most of the time I don’t even look at the clothes I put on until I get to school in the morning. I think subconsciously the people I surround myself with have something to do with that!
To Nyamekye: I don’t want to offend you but I see your response in you. Sometimes the comments you make or the facial expressions you show seem to be lead out of frustration from other people. Growing up in a house of people who lack any sort of formal education I definitely have felt pressure from family to do better than they had. I just felt so much of it that I got sick of it. I found that if I do what I WANT not what they want, people are going to be pissed off at me and people aren’t going to like me, especially if they don’t understand me. I also found that if I speak my mind or get a bad grade once in a while that no one dies. No one’s head explodes if I say the ‘OH MY GOD” statements that I seem to say often. I just found a way to make myself happy. And that’s what’s important. Barely anyone agrees with my ethics or my life’s system, but it works for me. It seems as though you just need to try and relax a little bit more often.
George: In response to your question, eh. Not these days. Either I’m fooling myself, or it’s actually true, but I thought I was already widely accepted. It doesn’t seem anyone has a problem with who I am, or how I act these days. But if you’re talking about everyone being a bit more friendly with me, then no. Not really. It seems my current friends are more than enough, or maybe I just don’t need a lot of people around to make me feel comfortable. And to answer the other question, yes. I explicitly stated in my blog that I would tweak (just a milder term for change) my behavior in order to not be a jerk to my friends. If I’m so comfortable around the friends I have now, I wouldn’t want to lose any, right? But it seems the way I’m acting now around them is fine enough, so I haven’t had to make any changes for a bit.
ReplyDeleteOlivia: First off, I did get that feeling of the fact that I do care, if less so than you do. The actual posting of the blog isn’t what I’m referring to, but the fact that I don’t care at all. It’s impossible not to. But I mostly covered the people whose perception I do care about, and mentioned being a jerk to my friends. I’ll take into consideration what other people have said, but mostly I won’t find any worth in their words, and I’ll toss them away after some careful thought.
Ted: I liked your post but disagreed with a few things. I’m not sure why not caring what other’s perceptions of you would mean you’re unmotivated. People have the capability of being motivated without caring what other’s perceptions are. And I don’t think not caring of other’s perceptions breeds serial killers and bums. Bums are simply people who’ve fallen into misfortune, and while some may be like that because they don’t care, most are like that for other reasons. And serial killers, well, I don’t know how they work. The fact that they don’t care isn’t the sole reason that they go out and start killing people though.
My take here is that there is a fine distinction between acting the way that others want you to act, and trying to live up to expectations that others place on you. Attempting to act the way others want you to act isn't always the most admirable course of action, but can have appropriate uses. Knowing how to act in certain social situations is an important life skill, and can make receiving jobs and promotions easier. There are shallower applications to this as well, it is not uncommon to compromise morals in order to "fit in," but often this is simply the teenage throes of learning how to act in socially acceptable ways. These types of behaviors are common, and while not always noble or admirable, aren't always the most awful thing.
ReplyDeleteBy contrast, attempting to live up to the expectations that others place on you is a life-crushing pattern. The most common form of this is parental pressure, which is why I find it ironic that most often the idea of being pressured into things is associated with peer pressure. Parental pressure is both far more common, and has far more potential to push people into wasting their lives. The two most common types of parental pressure are career pressure and religious pressure. Many parents have an ideal career in mind for their son or daughter, but just as many times, this career isn't what the child wants. Working in a career in order to impress your parents is the worst possible life decision, because it means that your happiness is contingent entirely on another persons reaction. Parental pressures lead to far more emotional issues later in life than peer pressure, and is not as well addressed. Religious pressure is forcing a child into a set of religious beliefs, without his or her consent, indoctrination. It happens every day and no one thinks twice about it, but I personally find forcing religion on children to be morally reprehensible. For example, if your parents were Roman Catholic, and you grew up gay, what kind of effect would that have on your psyche. Your parents are shoving a belief system down your throat that more or less says everything about you is wrong. Richard Dawkins said, "“There is no such thing as a Christian child: only a child of Christian parents.”
To James: I know I already did my three comments, but I just read yours and thought, "Man, my parents did it right." My parents don't put "career pressure" or "religious pressure" on me at all. I thought it was interesting that you mentioned that, and how the lack of parental pressures is a verisimilitude part of my life (see what I did there?).
ReplyDeleteMichael Galvannaci- First off, polka is awesome and anyone who says anything otherwise is clearly just afraid of how their legs would look in lederhosen. What you say about the spread of ideas, specifically polka, is very interesting. The way that ideas spread, particularly meme theory has always been something that I found intriguing.
ReplyDeleteBobby- Your post made me think of a time when how much you looked like Fonzi decided how cool you were, I think that's a better system than the one of cliques and subcultures that we have now. Anyway, what you say about multiple versions of yourself is very true, and also very important to understanding what version of yourself can provide you with an advantage in life. Although, I'm not sure I've ever met well-behaved Bobby, is he anything like play-pokemon-in-stats Bobby?
Cole- If I ever thought that there was someone who really didn't care what others thought, it would be you, and I mean that in the best of ways. You understand how you need to act, and you go ahead and do it, but I feel like you don't do it for their approval, but simply because it's easier. And I totally relate to your problems with impressing your parents, I know it's always impossible, but you can never stop trying because they are your parents, and some awful evolutionary trait has forced us to listen to them.
Yes Tom, I see what you did there.
ReplyDeleteLies. Lies to those who say that they don't care. Lies to those who think they are impervious the juggernaut force of other peoples thoughts. The truth is you care. You care because its human nature. You care because as humans we seek not to get disapproved of our existence; yet feel as though we have some kind of worth in this world full of people. We care because it empowers us with a higher self-esteem, to go out and face the world, it provides us with love. We're installed with this ability in us, the minute we are born in to this world. We can't turn it off, we can just suppress it to a certain limit, and with effort we may increase the boundaries of that limit but it never completely vanishes. You may not like it but its the truth.
ReplyDeleteI’ve heard so many times the “I don't care” defense, its the phrase that you use when placed in a unusual predicament. I’ve used that same phrase multiple times to feel as though I still had the same self esteem and confidence that I had before the predicament had occurred however, was I unaffected? Well I’d be lying if I say I wasn't, because on some level your hearing those persons words play though your head a million times. Do you think you can be immune to a person coming up to you and saying (something along the lines of, and I mean no harm to anyone when I say this) “I don't f*cking like you because your f*cking fake, you f*ucking fat a$$ b*tch.” Lets be for real, in an instant your going try and defend yourself but also your going think about what it is they don’t like about you. It's just the natural response, you care enough to think about what was just said to you and take it as criticism, however you may not take it upon yourself to implement a change to accompany what another person approves. Ones thing for sure because of what had happened to you, you don't ever want to be placed back into that situation again.
That’s what makes a difference between those who fully care, who would implement a change, and those who say they don't care, who care enough to listen to the words that was said and take it as criticism but don’t necessarily make a change. Both care about the situation, just on different levels and in there own way. Even by saying “I don't care” means that they care, they care enough to shed light on the situation, which admits their guilt. They say they don't care because they really wish that one day they wont care. The only way to fully “not care” is to be outside the realm of society, and that will only happen if your outside of human contact. There you don't have to deal with others opinions and truly do things for yourself and yourself alone.
James he's quite the opposite of play-pokemon-in-stats-bobby. hes comes out only when I'm first meeting parents and whatnot.
ReplyDeleteConnie C: I completely agree, I feel as though people are lying when they say they don't care. It's complete BS. I mean somewhere, somehow a persons words get to you, because its just human nature not to be disapproved.
ReplyDeleteBobby K: Just like you, and probably everybody, i have multiple personalities to accompany different types of people. Im guilty of dressing a certain way because its whats accepted. But I also found out that even though I may have gave into the acceptance of others when it comes to dressing the way I do, I actually like the way I dress now compared to how I use to. So in this instance other peoples opinions actually helped me. It gave me a way to dress that I actually ended up liking.
Janel G: Well being your friend and knowing you since forever I kind of expected you to say that you don't care pretty much what others think. And even though I think all people care on some kind of a level, sometimes I really think that your the empitome of "not caring" and that you shatter my opinion. Maybe its because we're friends, i don't know, but i find it mysterious that that your the only one who can say "I don't care" and I'd truly believe. However it still doesn't change my opinion, maybe on some deep deep deep deep level, that I don't even see, you care.
Janel:
ReplyDeleteI agree with you and I'm not offended! I really need to 'chill out' I'm so uptight about everything.
Tom,
ReplyDeleteNot to be mean or anything, but you frightened me in middle school. But it's okay now because we're friends! Or...at least I think we're friends. Or, we're friendly to one another? I don't know, but you've definitely changed, for the better however. I'm glad you realized that you don't have to behave like someone just to fit in. It's refreshing when people cut the act and are just happy with being content.
Rachel: So much for our plan. Hint hint. Wink wink. Anyways, I know where you're coming from. We often have heart-to-hearts in Latin class (well I think they are, but they really aren't) about where we want to go in life, and what we want to do. You're really supportive of my dreams and goals, and I really appreciate it. So thank you for that. In response to your blog however, I think the advice you give me should be the advice you follow yourself. You're always telling me not to worry about what others' think, because it is my life. Well, it's your life too. Don't be concerned about what people think of you. I know I'm being very hypocritical, because I don't take my advice, but it's true. Both of us shouldn't waste our times wallowing in what other people think of us. :)
In response to everyone who thinks that people who say they don't care really do care:
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's complete BS. Some people just honestly don't care. Why? I don't know. But they have become happy with themselves, and whatever people say of them, they let it roll off. Mind you, these types of people are far and few, but I do think they exist. Somewhere...
I had a chance to hang out with my cousin a lot this summer and after a while, she said something I really didn’t want to believe. “You’re so insecure. Stop comparing yourself to other people.” The statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I soon found myself adamantly defending all the words she had said. I didn’t want her to have that perception of me. But when I had time to reflect on all my thoughts, I realized the stuff she said was spot on. I do care what other people think of me, no matter how many times I’ve said, “I don’t care.” And no matter how many times I try to defend myself.
ReplyDeletePeer pressure is definitely the number one factor. I can’t even think of how many times my mom has said to me “why do you have to be like everybody else?” I guess I try to be like everyone else because I don’t want to be the weird girl not doing what everyone is doing. But do other people really care that much about what I’m doing or what I wear? Probably not. Ironically, my mom has also said to me a few times “Why can’t you be more like _______?” It tears me up inside. It only adds to my insecurities. I just want to be me. But for the most part, my parents don’t pressure me into doing anything I don’t want to do. My own ambitions have got me to where I am now.
The only case where I genuinely don’t feel like I have to fit in is with my family. Why? Well it’s cause they’re stuck with me forever. No matter what, their blood is my blood. I honestly don’t even act as crazy with my friends. If I acted the same way around strangers as I did my family, I’d probably be labeled the weirdest girl ever. Now that I think about it, aren’t friends like family as well? Friends are supposed to accept you for who you are. I’m so used to having different personalities around different people. Acting the same with everyone probably would be one of the most difficult and strenuous things I would have to do. But of course, I think this is a natural feeling among everyone. There are times when you have to be professional and times when you can let loose and go wild.
I don’t think I’ve let other’s people’s opinions change me so much that I have become a different person over the past few years. Truthfully, it has just made me more self-conscious. However, there are some immutable decisions that make me truly happy and I won’t let other people’s perceptions or opinions change that. Such as the music I listen to or the foods I eat. There are things I will never be pressured to do such as drugs, smoking, etc. I do think that there are people out there who really don’t care what others think. But they have at SOME point in their lives. I think its innate behavior to want to fit in or be influenced by others.
Nyamekye:
ReplyDeleteThere’s always next week. ;) Anyway, isn’t it just so frustrating how hard it is to follow your own advice? We know we shouldn’t care what people think, but we do anyway. Why does there have to be such a great divide between how we want to live and how we actually live? It makes me so jealous of the people who just don’t care. Why does it come so easy to them, when people like you and I have to constantly remind ourselves not to care too much about other people’s expectations?
Tom:
For the record, I never found you annoying back in middle school. Some people just get annoyed easily. Some people find faults in others like it’s their job. But that’s more a reflection of their character flaws than of yours. The only person you really need to please is yourself. So whichever version of yourself you like the most is exactly the version you should strive to be. I realize how much of a hypocrite I’m being by saying this, because I do exactly what you do, but we’ll just have to try our best not to live our lives according to the perceptions of those around us.
Dominique:
You always seem to act like you just don’t care what people think, but I know better. I think it’s interesting, though, that you act this way so people don’t see you as weak. I always fear that people will view me as weak or pathetic because I so obviously care what people think: I don’t even have the guts to pretend otherwise. For that reason, I’ve always admired you. Not because you don’t care what people think, but because you have the social courage and strength to pretend you don’t.
Connie: I really loved your last paragraph. I’m the same way when I don’t like what someone says about me. I’m pretty sensitive when it comes to that stuff which probably does reflect on my self-esteem. But the reasoning behind what someone says about you makes all the difference. They could have just said it to make you feel bad about yourself. Words do hurt, but some stuff you just have to take into consideration and perhaps try to change the negative perception people might have of you.
ReplyDeleteThomas: I definitely remember what you were like back in middle school. I’m glad that you realize now that you don’t need to impress everyone. I think everyone goes through that process, especially when you want to make new friends. But I guess that perception that people had of you back then wasn’t what you expected. But it’s great that you value your true friends opinions now, instead of everyone else.
Becca: I could not agree more with your first paragraph. I get that same feeling when someone judges me. It’s probably one of the worst feelings ever because you feel that you’re never going to be good enough for that person. But is it really worth it when you’re trying to impress someone and they don’t acknowledge it at all? When you start loosing yourself in the process, that’s when you stop caring and blow it off. Do what makes you happy and not someone else.
In response to Mike: I think I AM the sum of my five closest friends, but I don't think that I'm limited to just those five. I think that my influences reach as far as my top ten friends at least. However, you are definitely one of them!
ReplyDeleteIn response to Mimi: I think of us as friends, just not "besties," but still pretty good friends, and I understand why I scared you in middle school. :P
In response to Rachel: Really? I feel like I annoyed everybody in middle school, when I reflect back on my tomfoolery (no pun intended). Now, I think, the new me (or the old me revealed?) is much better and improved, but with much more room to improve upon myself.
The world is full of other people, I've found. In fact, it's basically the one defining characteristic of the world, or the one unwritten rule of society, or the commandment that Moses swept under the rug: You're going to HAVE to deal with other people, and strangely enough they will ALL be jerkasses.
ReplyDeleteThen again, Hell is other people... Wait, no, wrong blog, sorry.
Some French guy said that. He was an Existentialist, which I guess is as good a thing to be as anything else.
To live on a planet with so many other people and not care what any of them say? Stupid. Louis XVI didn't care what anybody else said. Caesar didn't care what anybody else said. Stalin didn't care what anybody else said. Mostly because he was batshit insane.
But let me try a more cogent example. Take off all your clothes. Now walk down the street, and every time someone protests your nudity shrug them off. You don’t care what they think! For an extra challenge see how far you can go not caring what the police think after they start beating you with truncheons.
But perhaps I’ve been too hasty. Let me step back. I only wanted to demonstrate that you simply cannot live life ignoring what other people think, that you are not a mighty oak above the opinions of the common peasantry, but a sapling that must sway, at least to some extent, with the opinions of the populace.
On a more personal level it’s certainly possible to disregard the opinions of others. The minor things I assume we’re talking about here, clothes you wear, things you enjoy, etc. etc. are things that I at least put above, and that I think should be routinely put above, the opinions of other people. These are things on which others have, truthfully, nothing of value to input, and they should be treated as such.
Unfortunately, this is not the kind of world we live in, and the petty, fickle opinions of others often end up changing our own views. Oh well, I say. It’s easier to go along if enough people believe it, and why would you ever disregard the easier way?
For me, it’s never been an issue of rebelling against the opinions of my peers or teachers or anything like that, so much as incomprehension to what those views consist of. To put it bluntly, I’m oblivious. If I’ve ever done anything anyone doesn’t approve of, no one’s ever told me, so I’ve just continued to do it. Any modulations on my part have come mostly from within, not on the advice of someone who would, probably be more reliable.
Oh well.
In short, pay attention to what people really CARE about, and follow the party line there, but for anything short of that, feel free to go wild.
I didn’t really care for this blog.
And in response to Amanda: I'm glad I went through the process BEFORE high school, rather than after. Life would be even more difficult if I hadn't.
ReplyDeleteHa, the ever so cliché question, do you care what people think about you? This question has molded us since elementary schoolers and has come up time and time again. I think we all know the answer to this question. There really is only one answer, yes. Plain and simple we care what people think about us, everyone does to some degree or another. It’s why girls take two hours to get ready and it’s whys boys act different in front of their friends. Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with it it’s apart of human nature.
ReplyDeletePeople like to be liked and that’s normal. I don’t mean everyone wants to be the popular girl or the school stud, but people like that sense of belonging. It goes back to one of our previous blogs. However there’s a difference between caring what other people think and letting it affect your values and decisions. I’m not sure where this line is or how thick or thin it might be but I know it exists. I know you shouldn’t go against your personal beliefs to please others. You should be yourself no matter what because as soon as you loose yourself everything else will soon fall shortly after.
Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever compromised my own beliefs for the satisfaction of someone else, or at least I’d like to think I never have. Needless to say that doesn’t mean I’m denying caring what others think, because I do. When I’m wearing a cute outfit I want to hear the intriguing compliments. When I straighten my hair I want him to notice. When I bring home A’s I want my parents to be proud of me. When I’m doing a presentation I want my peers to say, wow she’s smart.
That being said there certainly is different levels of influence on the way we act. So remember that girl that takes two hours getting ready and that boy who acts different in front of his friends? Have you ever thought to why this may be? (Clearly the desire to please their peers) She cares what others think of her and obviously he does to. That’s why she can’t be seen ‘lookin’ a mess’, just as bad as he can’t be seen as a ‘bitch’ to his friends. For high school students this kind of influence is harder to deal with then let’s say parental pressure. Because right now we’re all going through the ‘I hate you, you’re ruining my life’ phase, we tend to not care what our parents think as much as we do our peers
All of this is harmless until we start compromising our beliefs. Until we actually take a hit from that blunt because it’ll make us feel good, until we actually let him go all the way because everyone else is doing it, and until we forget about what’s truly important to us. I’m saying this from personal experience, its okay to care what people think, its okay to want to be liked, but don’t forget who you truly are because it’s so easy to loose yourself but contrary to that its so difficult to find it again.
CONNIE:
ReplyDeleteConnie, I agree with everything you wrote. Everyone always cries, ‘I don’t care what people think about me,’ and it’s nothing short of annoying. I’m glad you admitted to caring what people think, as we all should. And I’m also glad that you see the importance on not letting this compromise your own beliefs.
DOMINIQUE:
Your right, it is never fun to be talked or gossiped about and that’s why we care so much about what others think. I like your reasoning for the incessant denial of caring though. We like to look strong because weak is a sense of vulnerability that no one likes to show, whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or not. Ha, I would know because my heart too lies upon the outside of my pretty little sleeve. Good points though girl, I liked it! :)
BOBBY:
Wow. Okay I liked your connection to your mom. It’s an excellent point because everyone does this. However I don’t think I get your final conclusion though. Help please? Other then that it was a very humorous blog, I think I’m going to read yours from now on!
Life would be so much easier if I was one of those people who really don’t care about what others think. Too bad those people don’t exist. On the inside, everyone cares about what others think. In fact, I think the people who say “I don’t care” usually care the most. People who truly don’t care are too busy not caring to say such a thing. If they really didn’t care they wouldn’t have to prove it by saying “I don’t care.”
ReplyDeleteSome of my classmates are saying that there are people who don’t care. Well, I’d like to meet these people, because so far I don’t believe in their existence. Sure, some people may care a bit less than others or act like they don’t care. But in the end, there is a part of everyone that cares.
I care what people think. A lot, actually. I try to fight it, but I can’t help but to care. My parents pressure me on everything. I often think about what my parents would say if they caught me acting a certain way. This probably seems bad, but I wish I cared less about what my parents say. They put so much stress and exert so much power on me, and I can’t stand it. Also, peer pressure sucks. It’s what stops me from standing up for myself and just truly being me. Along with peer pressure, my self-imposed pressure forces me to be nice and polite, and makes me feel guilty when I’m not. I seriously wish all the pressure didn’t affect me so much. But on the bright side, I feel like I’m caring less about others’ perceptions as I maturing.
The reason people are pressured is because they want to be accepted in one way or another. This acceptance can be from any person or group, including parents, friends, and teachers. “Acceptance” can range from being liked to simply not being harassed. In general, people simply don’t like being disliked or judged. Its silly, but it’s just how society is, unfortunately.
Amanda: My parents say crazy and contradictory things to me all the time. Yeah, it sucks. I grew up being very different and my parents didn’t understand my need to fit in either. The comparison thing is something my parents hit me with all too often. So you’re not alone in all of this. I guess the only solution is to care less overall.
ReplyDeleteOlivia: You think that there are some people who really don’t care about what others think, and you thought of Cole as one of these people. Did the fact that Cole admitted he does sometimes care about what others think change your opinion? I believe that the people who you think don’t care really do care underneath (like Cole, even if it’s only a little bit of care)- they just don’t show it.
Bobby: I agree so much with your post. “So basically, people care about what others think because they care about themselves. So in conclusion, all humans are selfish.” was especially a good point. It surprises me that some believe that there are people who really don’t care. You post rejects that idea and proves the point that all people care way better than I could.
I remember reading a passage, it was written by Chuck Klosterman I believe. He asked the reader if they would take a pill that would increase their intelligence by twenty percent; however, the public would perceive them as ten percent less intelligence. I milled about this question for days, it weighed on me constantly. Do I value my intelligence, or how my intelligence is perceived by others? I’ve come to the conclusion that I wouldn’t take the pill. What does this say about me? I hold other’s opinions of me in higher regard than I do my own opinion of myself. Something about that statement just seems painfully wrong.
ReplyDeleteEvery day, I am engulfed with the contrived appearances of myself and everyone around me. Everything we do is to impress others. Whether we do it consciously or subconsciously, it occurs every day. However, we do these things for our own personal gain. We work to appeal to others so we can gain something from it. I am aware, this is a rather pessimistic view of life, however, it’s how we work.
We thrive on the confirmation of others. Every time you wear clothes to impress someone, or work hard in school, and succeed because that’s what we’ve been told to do from childhood. It’s disheartening that we seldom do anything for ourselves, and that we strive to please others.
On the other hand, these actions, which are human nature, often work in our benefit. We are evolutionarily wired to act in this fashion because it causes advancement. The analogy of the world being a stage holds fast in our daily actions.
If I’m being honest, I don’t think its possible for me to ever not think about what other people think of me. It always seems to be in the back of my mind. But just because I think about it, doesn’t always mean that the thought will change my actions. Sometimes, yes, I think “what if that really cool kid thinks I’m weird for doing this?” or whatever runs through my brain. So while I, for the most part, am always thinking about what other people may think of me, that doesn’t mean that I always care. Sometimes, when I’m with my friends having fun, the thought that “oh, they probably think we’re weird and obnoxious and loud…Oh well.” Other times, I’ll think “people probably think we’re being really annoying, obnoxious, and ignorant. We should stop.”
ReplyDeleteAgain, being honest, I’m going to have to say that of course other people’s perceptions of me have an impact on my decisions and how I act. I think pretty much everything in the World effects how a person acts, and as different things strike different people, and the react in different ways, you get the differences in behavior. I’d probably put more weight on the self-imposed pressure and the parental pressure more than anything else. I want to make my parents proud, I want to make myself proud, and I want to like the person I end up being. These are things that impact a lot of my decisions and the way I act. Sometimes I’ll see someone act a certain way, and it really sticks to me in that I want to make sure that I never act like that. I try to be nice and respectful and easy going, because I find more and more that I like people like that; people with no drama, especially the unnecessary drama.
Peer pressure, for me, doesn’t seem to be the big issue it is for some people. Maybe I just have really awesome friends, but if the people I’m hanging out with are doing something I don’t want to do or don’t feel comfortable doing, I just don’t do it. It doesn’t make anything awkward, and no one tries to make me feel bad or make me leave. It really just isn’t a big deal, and I don’t judge them for doing or continuing to do whatever it is that they’re doing that I’m uncomfortable with. Like I said, maybe I just have really awesome friends, or maybe it’s just that I’m comfortable enough around them to be myself.
I can’t really say why I care. I’d like to say it’s human nature, though that feels like a cop out. Everybody wants to belong, everybody worries about being liked, therefore everybody cares to some extent what other people think of them, whether they admit it or not. And maybe there are a select few who genuinely don’t care what others think of them, and kudos to them. We only get one life, we should live it the way we want to, without worrying about what a bunch of random people think of you. There’s a Doctor Seuss quote that goes “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter” or something similar. While I don’t think that these outside/inside influences always affect every decision I make ever, they definitely do affect some of them. I really can’t tell you why I care at all, because often I feel that I shouldn’t, or know I shouldn’t. This knowledge doesn’t seem to be able to stop the self-conscious thoughts, however.
“I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” This is the standard saying that everyone says whenever they need to protect how they really feel, which is usually quite the opposite. Everyone cares about what others think of them. it’s part of human nature to look around and think about what you need to do in order to fit in. even if we think we don’t, even if we think that we’ve convinced ourselves that we really don’t care at all about the opinions of other people, we do.
ReplyDeleteI wish the perceptions and views of the people around me didn’t affect me as much as they do, but let’s face it, as much as I may say otherwise, I can’t help but know that they really do. People opinions on the things I wear, and the music I listen to, and the people I hang out with mean something to me, but I can say it’s less now than it was in the past. I think growing up teaches you to lessen how much you care about other people’s thoughts on the way you live your life, but it’s something that everyone, young or old, still has in the back of their minds. It’s the little voice in the corner of your head that asks if you really want to wear that in public, go to that party, do that club, etc. The people that try with all their might to convince themselves that they’ve overcome that voice will only drive themselves crazy. I’ve been through that faze myself, and it’s tough on the brain.
I don’t know why I give a crap of other people’s judgmental eyes on my life, because I shouldn’t. All it is judgment, and all you can really do is learn to not let it bother you as much as it first did, whatever it is that is the topic of being judged. I feel as though the pressure of my peers is stronger than any other of the pressures in my life, such as my parents. My friends and the people my age have such a strong impact on how I go about my day, whereas my parents’ impact has gotten nothing but weaker as I have grown up.
Rachel- The way I look at it, others influencing your actions is not always detrimental. Because it is a common fact of humans to work for the satisfaction of others.
ReplyDeleteTom- Sorry for any pain I may have caused you in eighth grade. Sometimes, I tend to be a bit callous and abrasive when I'm ticked off. But, if my assholeish actions back then helped you discover things about yourself, then your welcome. But sorry at the same time.
James: It's like 11:54 and I'm about to throw my fist through a wall. Your posts always make me smile and giggle like a schoolgirl. (Is that creepy?)
I’ve said “I don’t care what anyone else thinks” about 42 times in my life time. Well, to be honest, I’m not really sure I’ve ever said that out loud to myself, but I’m sure I’ve said it before. Do we really believe it when we say that? Well it depends. As an individual, you find some people’s opinions more important than others. Opinions of me that are important to me are my friends’ opinions, my parents’ opinions, and even my teachers’ opinions. The opinions of people I don’t know are definitely less important to me. I don’t care if a person I’ve never met saw that
ReplyDeleteThe decisions that we make around certain people will sometimes be different than the decisions we make around other people. I tend to make jokes around my friends and constantly laugh when I’m with them, but I’m much quieter when I’m with my parents. I want my parents to perceive me as the reserved, intelligent student. I want my friends to perceive me as the friendly, humorous and outgoing type of person. I don’t really change who I am between friends and family, just how I present myself. I still have the same moral values, the same type of humor, and the same overall mentality.
The reason we’re so worried about how we’re perceived can relate to a previous blog: we need a sense of belonging. We need to make all of the right choices in front of the right people so that they perceive us in such a way that they accept us. How much we care about someone’s perception of us depends on how much we want to “belong” with that person. Most of us want to “belong” with our parents and to make them proud, so how they perceive us is incredibly important. I always try to shape my parents’ perception of me because, from my point-of-view, it’s not good enough. Some people find their friends’ perceptions of them more important than their parents’, but that’s just a load of high school drama to me. If your friends don’t like you for who you are, they are not your friends and you need to make new friends. It should be self-explanatory. Then you might perceive someone’s perception of you incorrectly, which is a problem itself.
P.S. - I think I used almost every tense there is, so I don’t blame you if I confused you.
To Connie: I understand why you might consider the phrase to be a type of defense mechanism. Now that I think about it, I don’t think it could really be used any other way. I did mention something about “fake friends” in my blog post, but implicitly. It is unfortunate that some high school students find solace in such fake friends. I’ve also been raised with the “classic obedience” imposed by my parents, but I’ve noticed that I haven’t really abandoned any of the morals or ideals that they’ve taught me. I’m not the rebellious type of son, and I find meaning in the ideals they’ve presented to me. And the “unspoken agreement” that you mentioned is something I’ve never had in my life. I can’t think of anyone that I’ve accepted a dislike-relationship with.
To Cole: I appreciate that you “don’t care FOR THE MOST PART,” but I think I’m in the opposite situation. I care for the most part. There are instances where someone’s perception of me may not really matter, but 9/8 of the time I care, like when people make fun of my inability to do fractions. That was a joke by the way. I have noticed that if you say anything to make me noticeably upset, you tend to not do it again to avoid the hostility that you encountered by the mistake.
To Tom: I’ve known you since the first grade, but we really haven’t become good friends until freshman year. You’ve told me that you used to be immature in elementary and middle school, but I never knew why you changed. I was especially surprised that Matt would be the one to be the catalyst of your transformation. I appreciate that your goal is to get only the most amount of right friends and not the most amount of friends. And last but not least, if you make friends by being yourself, then you’re doing it the right way.
THIS IS JHON'S BLOG (HE NEVER CAN POST IT):
ReplyDeleteOne thing that really makes me mad is defining something that is not definable; I read and scroll through the answers I keep getting the same two words HUMAN NATURE. I really only hear about this in western society, the I ask how do you characterize human nature, right now we are all defining or characterizing it as well self-interest, greed, social acceptance, and blah blah blah blah. We forget that as babies we are born (In my opinion) with no philosophy at all, or as john lock sates “Tabula rasa”, Rousseau even argued that there is no REAL way to LIVE. Well here’s a little wake up call, all humans are different, there done I’m done talking, we are all animals, and I’m not debating this anymore. Now on towards the subject, I stand neutral as neutral as can be, but, I am leaning more to the not caring part then the caring part. By this I only mean that I truly care but to an extent and the amount of influence a person has on me is in my own opinion very minute. As a kid I never really saw myself as part of the group, truly because I never knew their language until I settled in one place. Thus I saw each society and culture as well stagnant and overdone. My attitude towards society and its influences are very negative, I hate how we as humans (because that’s all we are a bunch of vessels following a single linear line) try to add our input or opinion into everything. Seriously, really why even correct somebody on their way of life, unless their way of life is well affecting somebodies else’s way of life. I have opinions, everyone has opinions, our fragile society has opinions and they are transmitted to us every sing day on TV’s, adds and whatever is out there, it tells us how to dress, what to wear how to walk, how to look like, how to do something, our society is a “how to be normal” guide.
THIS IS JHON'S BLOG CONTINUED:
ReplyDeleteMy parents tried as hard as they could to make me the mirror image of them, ever since well I was born. CCD classes, piano lessons, therapists, you can name it, they did it, they plagued me with their morality. They just wanted me to be as much like my brothers and their messed up family as possible. Well, I being the stubborn little brat that they know me by, played soccer went outside, played Nintendo well 24/7. I was the little fractious kid who ran around town and fooled with the priests and nuns. They then tried sending me to a catholic school in a nearby city of Medellin. That was a failure since the only thing I did was really question them, the more they enforced the “principle” or “modelo” the more I got bad grades and slacked off. However it really all changed in a devastating moment, I came to the United States. They settled in and I was around let’s say 7 or 8 around this time. I came into second grade as a hyper little kid however as I walked into school the thing that really struck me was the language itself. I became a shy little kid, and I hated it, I couldn’t play futbol in the town square anymore, hang out or do whatever I wanted. My parents expected me to shine, I dressed completely different then everyone around me. I really just felt like leaving, which I still do but with different reasons. Finally I settled into the society of the United States, I was the same Drone walking the hallways and streets, same as everyone else. My brothers excelled in school, I was well not doing that great. My parents around 2nd grade saw this and started to do the same old trick, enforce el modelo. This time however they quit and left me alone. Unlike most I really do not feel gratitude towards my parents for “bringing me into this world”, I really do not care about pleasing them, I spend almost all of my time at my grandmothers because well she doesn’t care what I do. My relationship with my dad mostly has thank the Holy Spirit has not turned hostile, but we have a mutual respect towards each other that corrects the house and food. While if he did not give me the warm bed, warm food and an attitude I would simply just live with one of the only people I actually respect “mi tio”. Well as it turned out they stopped really enforcing this pressure on me around 8th grade, and I just did well in school.
JEEZ JHON WRITES A LOT!
ReplyDeleteSchool pressure, I’m one of those people that likes to live in the present and not think about the future, I don’t even know what I want to do when I do grow up, or what college and even if I’m going to college. Seems a little radical to most of you who need to go to college, if my parents will pay for it (which they might) then I would go, if they are not then well I still don’t know, all I know is that I’m not living in the USA. I think school as well, a learning experience and who doesn’t like to learn? To keep learning I really have to behave to the “rules” that are set out for me and I want to behave. Simple I respect so I could learn, respect the teacher, I’m worried about grades, but really not that much, I still use that same line of I hate how I’m doing in one class, but not for the image but because that is mostly determining what I’m consuming. If it’s bad then that means I’m not learning what is taught, or simply I do just not understand the concept itself. However what’s really tied with society is this thing called peer pressure, it seems as though I don’t feel t, I really don’t care how I look, I put on whatever is in my closet, I take long showers, I feel no pressure in what to wear, its mostly a random guess and if my pants have vertical lines and my shirt has the same vertical lines or horizontal lines or if the colors don’t mix, I just wouldn’t care. This is mostly because I do not notice the little things.
Well mostly in the end I care but not that much, I have to determination to fit in because I know in a few years i will just be in another town or country or city, I like moving, I hate staying in one place and settling. I however really never find myself saying “I don’t care”, very few times. In some form because if they did say something that in some form affected me personally then I would find a solution to the problem, I am not going to let it go past my shoulder, that just mendacious. Well in the end, we have to care but to a limit, there’s very few things that have made me mad at someone, however a lot of times were I do care and sympathize with someone else’s pain.
To Cole: I tend to do the same thing in the morning and just pick any random clothes, half asleep and sometimes not caring.
To Schuylers: you’re ending fantastic, funniest thing in this blog so far, I’m still chuckling over it.
To Patrick: you’re the prime example of the thing we call human nature, people are using it way to liberally (first time I have used that word in a bad stance), please I know I’m also at fault for this but look up the philosophy of human nature. There are still renovations to the philosophy of human nature, each day; we find out that greed isn’t good, that we are not so self-interested, and that each person is different.
Amanda: I completely agree with you on how peer pressure is the number one factor. Why do we want to be like everyone else? It’s ridiculous, but we just can’t seem to help it.
ReplyDeleteTed: I like how you said how you do care about what other people think, but then you really don’t. It is true though. This is one of those things you can’t help but be a fence sitter with.
Schuyler: I found your post very amusing, especially the beginning. But what you say is true, how we really just can’t ignore in our lives the people we are surrounded by, and what they think of us.
Every morning at the break of dawn, I wake up for school, take a long shower, and then return to my room and stare blankly into my close awaiting for an outfit to jump out at me. All of my clothes are the same, nothing special, nothing extravagant, and nothing out of the ordinary. I feel like we all try to desperately fit in while at the stand time we want to have a sense of being a unique individual. The two ideas contradict themselves greatly. I know one thing: no matter how hard you try not to or say that you don’t care what others think of you, you do! We believe that people are judging as through our appearance, through our actions, and through are character. And guess what? They are! We try so hard not to be the odd ball, or the weirdo. The sad parts is, is that those people receive names such as weirdo and odd ball and usually take part in some form of bullying. It honestly breaks my heart to see kids picked on or made fun of because of their own way of simply being themselves. But what can you do? People are cruel and people indeed do care about what others think, and I dare anyone to say otherwise.
ReplyDeleteThe amount of impact that people’s perceptions of you have is based on the person. I honestly can say that what people think of me can have a great impact on my decisions. I am constantly worried about the aftermath of my decisions and who they are affecting and what they are going to think about my decisions. I probably think about others think too much and should start worrying about my personal gratification from my own decisions. The influence is so strong because I don’t want to make someone unhappy and I don’t want people to look at me any way other than the way that I know exactly how I’m acting. I choose my actions, and certain actions are made purposely to make people think a certain way. The pressure comes from some friends, parents definitely, and honestly everyone! I want to be the example of something good, not something bad. We care only because everyone is so judgmental and everyone’s a critic! I wish my decisions were based only on what in my opinion was the best choice, but I cannot block the idea that lurks in the back of my head that everything I do matters to someone else. Someone always has something to say and always has something to complain about. Who ever said the world is a bunch of complainers is right!
Every morning when I’m standing blankly at my closet full of average clothing, I might just begin to think, who the heck cares! Having the mindset of not caring what others think could do me some good! Let’s see how it goes!
Usually I respond to the question and then go through everyone's post to find the ones I want to respond to. I feel this allows myself to produce the most genuine answer without it being tainted by anyone else's opinions. However, a couple posts caught my eye and I am sitting here, almost in disbelief.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I might as well explain my emotions live on both sides of the spectrum, never venturing into the area between. I either feel extremely strong about a subject, or am completely apathetic towards it.
Okay, so some people said things along the lines that everyone cares about what others think, and that there is no such thing as someone who doesn't. I completely disagree.
Sure, society has structured itself in a way that we have to care what others think. When we apply to colleges, or jobs, and even when we get in we have to live up to their expectations. Most people go along with this structure in order to be efficient. Most people. Not everyone.
The people who don't though, are probably the ones society collectively looks down upon and dismisses. The rebels (iconoclasts if you will), the hippies, the guy on the side of the street without a job that kids our age taunt.
And now I will reiterate the original question: Why do we care? Why is it so important?
Because it is how we are programmed. Everything is so much easier when there is a standard to live up to. We, as humans, live up to the standard of living up to standards. In retrospect, nothing is really important. Or, everything is important. It is entirely up to you as a person.
I decided a long time ago that I shouldn't have to please anybody but myself. If I'm happy, why does it matter if anybody else is happy with what I've done? I'm so sick of not being content with myself because of somebody else's expectations. So I took a step back and removed myself from that mind set. Of course there is a small group of people who's opinions matter: my boss, some teachers and friends. But I don't necessarily care what they think about me, but rather, I value their opinions and respect them as people. I make my own decisions, and I also chose whether or not their input will effect me. At the end of the day, this is my life, and I want to be responsible for it and all the decisions made. What people think of me, however, is not what effects what I do. I suppose there is a fine line, but it's definitely a line worth drawing.
Peer pressure, parental pressure, it's only as important as it's made out to be. My advice is sit down and read some Thoreau. Look at the world from a different point of view. Let go of what everyone else things. Forget about standards. The only thing people should have to live up to is happiness.
Emily: Yeah, when you said "those people don't exist" it kind of set me off. How do you know? How can you assume others feelings? (that's probably what upset me the most, the sense of assuming.) Also, I used to deal with the parent thing a lot. I let go of it though.
Cole: I love your shirts, and I honestly wish everyone modeled their outlook of life after you. that's a bit contradictory, but oh well.
Bobby: I also really like your line about everyone being selfish, because humans are.
In response to Dan: Thanks Dan, but since you're sitting right next to me, I'm just going to tell you in person rather than on the blog.
ReplyDeleteConnie: I completely agree with you as far as people who try to say try completely and totally don't care at all about what other people think of them, and I definitely agree with your reasons as to why we care. Wanting to fit in is human nature. I really like how you're never afraid to state your opinion and tell people exactly what you think!
ReplyDeleteGeorge: I really love what you said about having three different you's. I think it's definitely true that we act differently around different people, and that different facets of our personalities come out depending on the people we are hanging out with and their personalty traits. I know I definitely act different around my family than I do around my friends or my teachers. I agree with a lot of the stuff you said- you always have great insight!
Olivia: I like how you said that you were nervous about posting this for fear of judgement. That thought went through my mind too!
To Dan: Your blog made no sense, and you can reduce that fraction to 5/3.
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ReplyDeleteI whole heartedly believe that all people are affected by the opinions of others. I think you would have to be lying to yourself if you said that you didn’t. We all care about what the person next to us thinks about us. It’s not fun when people mock or embarrass you. Maybe if we weren’t such a hurtful and offensive society people could make choices for ourselves and do what we WANT to do. However, for some odd reason we all look for the approval of others which is why we care so much.
ReplyDeleteI am one of those people who care so much. A lot of different people in my life affect my choices that I make. My parents really affect my choices because well, they are my parents. I want to please them and make sure that I do whatever I can to make them proud. I want them to see me and know that they did a good job when raising me. Another reason why their decision impacts mine is that they are very strict so usually their decision merges into my decision. Sometimes, when it comes to them I’m not allowed to have my own decision, their decision is all that matters. That is partially my fault. I let it get to this point because I wanted to make them proud.
Around my friends I feel like I do the same thing, I try to please everyone which is why I never make choices for myself. I do things because I do not want to hurt anyone or do something that might make them upset. I guess in a weird way I am trying to get approval from them too. I also base my choices on them sometimes because I am different. I have always been different, so this is my weird way of trying to fit in. I feel accepted and like I fit in with all of my friends. No one wants to be the odd ball, not even me.
I sometimes wish that I didn’t care so much. I wish that I could go out I public and just be me but I can’t because I do care how people see me and what they might think of me. I, just like everyone else in our society, aspire to fit it with my friends and my family. We all care because we really want to be treated the same. But that is just a dream, we could never be treated the same. But wouldn’t that be great, every single person looked at and treated just the same despite their differences?
Olivia: I respect the fact that you, mostly, do not care about what people think about you. I really like that about you. I wish that I could be that way but I am a little wimp about those things.
ReplyDeleteEmily: Yeah I have never met anyone that truly does not care about the opinions of others. I agree with you, there is a little portion of everyone that needs the approval of people, everyone cares in their own way. I also wish that I could care less about what my parents say to me but that is just kind of hard to do when we still live with them.
Nyamekye: When I first met you I thought that you were one of those people who really did not care about anything. Probably because you said the words “I don’t care” to me so many times but now that I know you better I know that when you say “I don’t care” you mean the complete opposite.